Forgotten Father's Day

[amburke2]

I'm putting this question here because it has to do with my husband. This year is the second year since Timothy's death, and again my mom and in-laws were very sweet in sending me Mother's Day cards and a small gift. So my husband and I were both shocked when no one acknowledged him on Father's Day - not even his own father when he called to wish his dad happy Father's Day. Our families have been so careful to remember Timothy since his death, and their silence really hurt my husband. He's mentioned it a few times since June, as recently as a couple weeks ago. So, my question is, is there anything I can do about it?

I don't really want to speak for him on so sensitive a matter, and I know there's a bit of pride at work with not wanting people to say something just because they were told that they should. He has already said that he has no intention of bringing it up with his family. But I also don't want to see him hurt, and frankly I'm really upset because he was so thoroughly ignored. I have the feeling that they didn't realize they forgot him and that his feelings were so hurt. It's too late for this year (obviously), but do you think saying something as next year's Father's Day draws closer will help or harm the situation?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[momma to 2+ an angel]

Amanda -

Maybe with Thanksgiving coming, could you do a special poem and put it in a frame or something for your hubby? Abount being a daddy - or something like that? I am sorry that he is feeling this way and hope that you both have a peaceful weekend.

Jenn

[MamaBethany]

Yes, I think there are definately ways that you could mention it without being pushy. For instance, as Father's Day approaches, say something like, "I've been trying to decide what to do for my husband for Father's Day....what to you think of this idea?" or "Father's Day is coming up again, I need to do something for Timothy's daddy." It might trigger a thought in them to remember that he needs to be remembered. It sounds like they are actually nice people, just need a little help. :)

[Mackenzie's Mommy]

I agree with the other ladies. I think there are ways of going about it like mentioned that doesnt sound pushy, just a little hint and then the lightbulb might come on. I hope things for your husband get a little better soon.

[amburke2]

Thank you for the good advice. You're right, there is a nice way to say something...I could only think of snapping because that's how I feel right now! I definitely plan on incorporating Timothy into all Father's Days, even after (God willing) we have additional children. It's the silence from everyone else that really seemed to bother him and I will come up with a polite way to steer folks in the direction of remembering him.

[Madge]

I remember reading a post here from another father that stated he would be hurt that people would always ask how his wife was doing, but didn't seem to acknowledge HIS pain. I bet it is the same type of thing---the female gets remembered on Mother's Day, but the Father comes in second. Right or wrong, it seems to happen a lot. :(

I think it's great that you are thinking forward and wanting to acknowledge him in a special way. He deserves it.

[StacyHayward]

Thank you for the good advice. You're right, there is a nice way to say something...I could only think of snapping because that's how I feel right now! I definitely plan on incorporating Timothy into all Father's Days, even after (God willing) we have additional children. It's the silence from everyone else that really seemed to bother him and I will come up with a polite way to steer folks in the direction of remembering him.

Amanda, I'm a photographer but also a digital retouch artist and graphic designer. I would be more than happy to create a layout with a picture or 2 and/or a "daddy poem" that you could give your husband as a reminder that at least you definitely haven't forgotten that he is as much a father as you are a mother. Just thought I'd throw that out there, you can pm me f you'd like ;)
As for how to approach others about this, I think the ladies above came up with some great ideas. Here's hoping that it all goes really well no matter how you decide to approach it.
Hugs
Stacy

[Austin's Momma]

I think your family would appreciate it if you told them something they could do for your husband. Maybe before Father's Day you could mention that you know he would love a Father's Day card. It sounds like your family wants to be as supportive as they can--but they may just need a little nudge. I hope next year is a little better for him...