What you recieved when your baby passed away?

[HAINAngel2000]

Doing what we do through HAIN. I am curious what did you receive in the hospital? Example: Hats, booties, burial garments, memory box. (Did not have to be from us)

If so what did it mean to you?

And with your permission could we use your post in our newsletter to encourage our volunteers who work so hard to give ? THANKS!

[Cheryl Haggard]

I have never shared this with anybody, but this is such a great question.

After Maddux died, it seemed like the doctors and nurses were done with us. Our nurse went off duty, while we were with Sandy during the last part of our photography session...Our doctor did not come to say Goodbye to us...(I know, all little things, but things that would have meant the world to us...)When we took him back to the NICU, we had an aid that spoke with a heavy accent. I really looked at this situation and felt embarasssed...Does that make sense? I felt like I was intruding. It was like, nobody wanted us around and I felt 'out of place...' The aid helped us as best as she knew how, or was trained to do. In the room there were Crayola Clay Molds. (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THESE MOLDS. THEY ARE FOR CHILDREN-AND AFTER TIME THEY CRACK!) She rolled it out, very sloppy, and I had to take it away from her to redo it. I asked her for a 'bag' so I could snip off pieces of Maddux's hair. I asked her for a bag, so I could put the clothing he had been wearing in it...

In the room, placed on the counter was a bag with our name on it. It was a Willow Tree gift bag with the image of an Angel holding a red heart...
I that bag were a few books, a Teddy bear, a gold baby ring, a letter with a few organization names on it and a list of funeral homes. And yes, I did receive a little box, that they put all of the items that Maddux used, such as soap, lotion, tape measure, blood pressure cuff. I did not get the little hat that he wore. Never even thought to ask for it when we left. We were numb...

I look back at the teddy bear and gold ring, and wish I would have had them when we were doing photographs. I didn't know how important having images of things like these were. The Teddy bear means nothing to me, and neither does the ring. I would have loved to have put this ring on Maddux's finger, and have been able to wear this forever on a chain around my neck with my cross. But he never saw or 'used' these items. So why give them? Why give these items when you are leaving the hospital for the last time? Why not give them us when we are there? Let us decide when and how we use these items.

This is the question that I want to ask hospitals. Why do you give parents, information on non profit organization as they are leaving the hosptial for the last time? Information about support groups and bereavement? Why not give them this information when they are in the hospital? Let parents decide if and when they choose to utilize their services. Parents need this information beforehand, not after the fact.

Alot of hospitals do not want to present Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to their families, for fear of liability. Why? NILMDTS is NOT affiliated with the hospitals or hospice. We have consent forms that the parents must sign stating that they or the hospital contacted NILMDTS with permission from the parents. Our photographers are not allowed to be there with out the parents permission! I receive so many emails from parents like this one:

Message: I just wanted to tell you that I think what you do is wonderful. We recently lost our son at 23 weeks and at the time we were not prepared and the hospital told us they would take pictures for us on a disposable camera and we could chose if we wanted to develop them or not. We waited a while to do so and now I wish I never would have looked at them. Not because I dont want to see my baby again, but because they look like they waited until the day after he was born to take them and they didn't even try to get close up to his face or hands or feet. They are not centered and the top of his head is not even in some of the pictures. When he was born he was alive so his color was normal, he was small but everything else was perfect. Sorry this is so long, I just wish more people knew about your services and the hospitals tried better to provide the best for families that go through a loss. Again I thank you for what you do. You are a blessing to these families. All I have is the memory and that will have to do.

How heartbreaking is that message? Especially, when the services of NILMDTS could have been offered to this family. I am sorry, if I seem to be ranting and raving. I truly do not mean to be. I just feel so strongly for these families, that do not get the chance to have these services offered to them, before they leave the hosptial. Their voices need to be heard. This is not about politics. This is about doing the 'right' thing. Offering parents, what they need, when they need it.

Mary, thank you for all you do for these families. You too, truly are a blessing to so many.

[Jessi Hill]

I agree Cheryl... why not give families who have babies who they "know" will not survive these items prior to them passing. They do mean more then, I have a few things given to us after Tristan passed, but they do not have the meaning that the items he was wearing or had with that day do. I am sure that this comes down to an expense issue for the hospitals... but maybe if they were to realize how greatly the value and purpose diminishes after the fact... then maybe they would consider changing their policy.

We didn't recieve a bear or a ring... just a card and his belongings. They sent us our photos from medical media. The NICU staff we had become such a "family" with came to the ER as soon as they were notified we were there. Our doctor also came over from family practice. We were surrounded by people who had been a part of Tristans life. They took us to a private room am we were there for HOURS! Our funeral director came to the hospital and got Tristan directly from my arms and carried him out of the hospital so I did not have to think about him in the morgue or in a body bag, etc. I am glad for this as it bothers me to even write it. Several nurses and even one doc. came to his visitation. Our family doctor came to the funeral and sat with the family. He has become a very close friend and is still our doctor (now for Trinity) It is so wierd to think he was the one who delivered Tristan, first to "hold" him, and the last to "hold" him... other than me. Tristan passed about 3 blocks from the hospital (in the car) on the way home from a doctors appt. He was estatic to come in to the clinic to find our names on his schedule and to be the chosen doctor for Trinity. In fact he came in the morning after she was born and gave me a HUGE hug.... talk about shock the RN that was with him LOL! I said said "we go back a long way" and left it at that.

I have remained pretty close with one of the nurses we had... she used to "fight" to have Tristan (and usually won) since she was a charge nurse most of the time. She did distance herself some towards the end letting other RN's take care of Tristan. I think it was her way of protecting herself. She too also lost a baby boy (at 5 mo. due to SIDS) She remembers Tristans special days... which makes me feel good. I am glad he was here to touch so many lives.

[HAINAngel2000]

Both of your stories are heart breaking. Thank God not all hospitals are that way. When we lost Mariah they brought it all to us so we could put her clothes on and then in the box that was presented. I think its not a hospital being mean or rude on purpose, its a learning process for them to.

Did you know that like 10-15 years ago and even still in some hospitals they don't offer anything. In some hospitals just this year some families after losing their baby may only get thier naked baby in a receiving blanket thats it. 10-15 years ago you were not allowed to hold your baby and sometimes not even allowed to see your baby when he/she passed away. They just took the baby out and that was it.

Hospitals are learning as well about infant loss. They are getting better and better. Not saying there is an excuse for their bahavior. I am saying that maybe letters need to be written from families even today telling them this very thing. Sometimes they do wrong and not realize it. I have a nurse on our forum and she can tell you hospitals are learning too.

Your stories are tragic and I am deeply sorry to hear this happened to you.

I was thinking I wonder if HAIN when sending out boxes of our stuff to hospitals put your stories with our donation!! Hey its one hospital at a time. But thats how we learn.
What do you think??

[Cheryl Haggard]

Don't get me wrong...The nurse that was with us when we were doing the "before" photo session, was wonderful. It was just that after Maddux died, everybody that we knew was gone...There was no support for us...Just an aid, like I said earlier, that barely spoke any english...That's it! Maddux's regular doctor, the one that we ALWAYS talked to...The doctor who told us earlier that day, that there was no hope...He knew we would be removing his support that early evening. He wasn't even around. I know that these people have regular lives and families, but like he told us months after Maddux died...Babies that make it into the NICU, are expected to go home. That's what they hope and strive for. And when they lose a baby, it is devastating to them. I didn't see anybody devastated the night Maddux died, just my husband and myself...
And yes, I know that there are the rules and the exceptations.
I still think we had wonderful care at the hospital that we were at, while they were still doing the testing and trying to determine what was wrong with Maddux...
But after the 'No Hope' conversation...That was it...
So, yes, I think there needs to be some compassion training, and on going compassion training for caregivers. These babies are part of our lives, our flesh and blood...our hopes and dreams, our future, not our jobs...

[HAINAngel2000]

Cheryl, you know the same thing. We never seen our doctor or the same nurse either. That is wierd. It kinda bothered me too, but I figured the shift was over and that was how it was. You are totally 100 right training is a huge thing that needs to happen. What do you say we have a huge conference one day where we both can share!!??
This is something that we need to defantly let hospitals know!


Don't get me wrong...The nurse that was with us when we were doing the "before" photo session, was wonderful. It was just that after Maddux died, everybody that we knew was gone...There was no support for us...Just an aid, like I said earlier, that barely spoke any english...That's it! Maddux's regular doctor, the one that we ALWAYS talked to...The doctor who told us earlier that day, that there was no hope...He knew we would be removing his support that early evening. He wasn't even around. I know that these people have regular lives and families, but like he told us months after Maddux died...Babies that make it into the NICU, are expected to go home. That's what they hope and strive for. And when they lose a baby, it is devastating to them. I didn't see anybody devastated the night Maddux died, just my husband and myself...
And yes, I know that there are the rules and the exceptations.
I still think we had wonderful care at the hospital that we were at, while they were still doing the testing and trying to determine what was wrong with Maddux...
But after the 'No Hope' conversation...That was it...
So, yes, I think there needs to be some compassion training, and on going compassion training for caregivers. These babies are part of our lives, our flesh and blood...our hopes and dreams, our future, not our jobs...

[Cheryl Haggard]

Here is another email that I wanted to share. This is from a mom in the Denver area. I will post this several places...

Name: Barb
Subject: Your service is wonderful
Message: I didn't know who to write to, so hope this is appropriate.

I had a miscarriage at 17 weeks--too early for pictures. However, I have
attended support groups for early losses and met several women who either had your services and were so grateful or wish they had been offered the service. Other women were offered the service but turned it down, only to regret it later. I know that if there was any way I could have had such beautiful pictures of my baby I would love to have them now. I wish all hospitals made grieving parents aware of your service and helped them understand that, even if in the shock of the trauma it feels unnatural, they will want these memorials later.

God bless you all for what you do.

[Catherine Colgan]

I have lost two babies...both stillborn...though at different stages of pregnancy (I will share my story later, when I can sit and type it all out). But the one thing that has consistently impressed me is the level of care and concern and kindness from the nursing staff (my first OB was a whole other story...but I'll save that for later too).

When Alex died (5/11/05), I received his hat, three polaroids (why I am so interested in this project), his footprints, his name bands, a crocheted blanket that we wrapped him in, and the seashell that was used to baptize him. I gave the blanket to my living son (who was three at the time), as a gift from his brother before he had to go to heaven to be an angel.

When Travis died (5/8/06), I was "lucky" enough to have a lab tech draw my blood who has had five losses and works closely with the Teddy Bear Project (I'm drawing a blank on the organization's exact name at the moment). She presented me with a lovely note and a teddy bear...and she held my hand when she talked to me (one of those intangibles that I will never forget). Because of her tragedy, I had something I was able to give my living son (who was almost four at the time), from his brother before he had to go to heaven to be an angel.

Because of the treatment I received from my doctor when I lost Alex, I had switched hospitals. So when Travis died, I received a memory box full of things...an outfit, blanket, and hat. The nurses actually found two hats that matched, so I could keep the one he had worn and bury him in a 'clean' one. When we buried him, we wrapped him in a blanket his daddy had bought for him and we kept the blanket that he was wrapped in in the hospital.

I also received the arm bands that he was too tiny to wear and the certificate stating that he had been baptized. The nurses used a digital camera to give me three photos (what is it with that? is the limit set at three or something?). Because I had the "benefit" of experience, I called my dad in to take pictures of us together (something I didn't have of Alex). They are not professional photos, but they are priceless to me. I do wish, still, that someone had mentioned NILMDTS to me while I was in the hospital...

The tangibles...especially the hats...are my connection to my sons. Something I can hold in my hands to remind myself that they were really alive...that they weren't just my imagination playing cruel tricks on me. Their memory boxes sit on a special shelf so that I can open them and look inside whenever I feel like I need to. And the gifts for my living child have helped him feel the love of his brothers, even though he didn't get to meet them (we decided, given the state of his brothers' bodies that he shouldn't see them...we didn't want to scare him...a decision we still stand behind). He is able to wrap the teddy bear in the blankie and know that both his brothers love him.

As an aside, I now crochet for similar charities. And you can barely see the tear stains on each little hat/blanket/pair of booties I make. :o

[Art]

Catherine - thank you for sharing your two angels with us. I am so sorry for your losses... Have you heard of the Mary Madeline Project? http://www.marymadelineproject.org/ They take donated wedding gowns and make priceless burial gowns for these babies. It might be a way you can memorialize your sons, by donating your wedding gown. They put a tag inside each of their gowns to memorialize the donee's child...

[HAINAngel2000]

We accept wedding gowns too. I actually had my daughters casket lining silk turned into a gown then my wedding gown turned into a gown in 2001-02. It came to me when I realized how much it would be a blessing. That was before HAIN even started. Or at leased before I opened the website to the public that is :o .
Its such a nice feeling to give.

We can also offer receipts for your donation.

Blessings, Mary
The lady that does the Mary Madleine project is a sweetheart. I got to tlak to her for a long time on the phone.

[Deb Stoner]

We got footprints and a lock of Marah's hair. I wish I would have thought to get her handprints, as well. I had an outfit and a stuffed rabbit for her from home. I have since had those items sewn into a Teddy Bear. When we decided to keep her overnight the nurse brought her back to us wrapped in a quilt made by "Touching Little Lives". All of these things I cherish so, because they were with her, touching her skin. I remember when I came home I just wanted to hold items that were once touching Marah. I wish I would have known about keeping her scent with a Ziploc, but I didn't. I longed for her scent and still do to this day. We also received a memory box made by Tole Painters. In the box was a small bear and a pink felt "purse" with a ribbon. I don't remember seeing those things in the hospital. I am not attached to them because they weren't a part of our stay. A few weeks after we left the hospital, I went back to visit Marah's nurses and they gave me casts of her hands and feet. Only one foot came out, but I just love them. I want to put them into some kind of shadow box, but haven't figured out how to arrange them. I think momentoes strike a chord with different families. Every family that I have met that has had a blanket that was handmade and given from the hospital really cherish it.

[Charlene Lopez]

The wedding gown donations are a wonderful idea. Daniel died at Children's Hospital and they are, sadly, very used to this sort of thing so they were wonderful. They gave us everything he wore, they gave us a certificate of his life with his footprints on them, a ceramic heart that they imprinted his hand and foot in (kind of 3-D), locks of his hair and a wonderful card.

At his funeral my Dr. gave us a beautiful memory picture box with his name and dates of birth and death on it. We, of course, asked expressions to print us a special size of one of Daniels picture to place in the picture holder. I keep this box on my dresser and I have other special things in it so I can sit and go throught it anytime.

I'm glad the staff at Children's hospital thought of all these things, because we sure didn't, as Cheryl said, we were numb.

[Erica Stone]

This is a really great question...
We received a small box painted and donated by a gentleman with a group the National Society of Decorative Painters. (Incidentally, I've been meaning for over a year to send a thank you note.) We got the id bracelets that Matthew never wore and a disk with the photos the nurse had taken for us. I also asked to have the little outfit and hat they had dressed him in (also made by volunteers) as I couldn't bear to leave without something that had actually touched him. I even carried his little hat around with me for a while.

We also got one of the crayola clay molds that Cheryl mentioned and I while I'm glad to have it, I agree with Cheryl that they're not really good. In my case Matthew's mold is not done well, for a couple of reasons. First, he had what they call "joint contractures", so his fingers and hands wouldn't open and stay flat for the mold (at least in that clay material) and were just sort of smushed in there. Second, his feet were double pressed, making it appear that he had six toes on one of his feet - something we assumed was correct until we had our session with Sandy and got a better look at him. In addition, the mold is still somewhat soft and can accidentally be marked if you're not careful.

We had also requested and received another outfit to bury him in - like I said, I couldn't bear to part with the one they dressed him in in the hospital.

[Tammy]

That is one thing I sincerely wished I had... a mold of Chase's hand and foot print. We have foot prints on his birth certificate...but I really would have loved having a mold.
We received a quilt, Bennie hats, the outfit he was in, teddy bear, a little book with prints, lock of hair... can't remember what else. Oh, many books and pamphlets for grieving parents (which I have not even looked at yet... except for a few pages)
From the funeral home we received video tapes on how to cope with your child's death, how to talk to siblings about the death of their brother or sister~ more pamphlets...
Every thing we received as momentos of Chase mean so much to us~ they were his~

[Michelle D-S]

I don’t know if I have any ‘right’ to post this here – but I am posting it from the perspective that I really believe many hospital staff need to know things – and need sensitivity training, if you can really ‘teach’ such a thing…

While I did lose my baby, I didn’t lose a baby, like many of you. I had a miscarriage, so I never saw or held mine… I loved my baby just the same, and am still mourning my loss, but I know that it in no way compares to the loss that many of you have suffered.

Let me share my story…

I was about seven weeks pregnant. When I noticed the first sign of trouble, I was out of town with my husband, (for his work) it was about 6:30 in the morning, and he had already left the hotel. It was a Monday morning, and we had just told our ecstatic parents (that very weekend), that we were having a baby. I began looking on line, and much of the information I found seemed to suggest that a little bit of blood is often “normal”. But I had an immense sense of dread. I started worrying about everything I could think of to worry about… Did I not take enough folic acid? Did I drink coffee before I knew I was pregnant? I was driving myself nuts. So I called my husband, who suggested I call our “tele-heath” line, which is ‘manned’ (for lack of a better word) by nurses 24 hours a day.

This is probably more information than you need here, but I believe it helps to explain my mind set at the time. I hope you don’t mind. And I hope nothing I say here offends anyone…

She too seemed to think it was ‘normal’, and said I should only worry of I started to feel pain or cramps. I didn’t, but I was still really worried. Never at any moment though – did I really believe I would lose my baby. Not even for a second.

I phoned Mike again, and told him that if I was still bleeding when he returned, that we should go to the hospital. So we did.

After being admitted to the ER, I waited in a room for 6 hours – yes – 6 whole hours – before ANYONE came in to check on me. Is this normal? My husband repeatedly left to ask that someone come to look in on me, and it was then that I suddenly started to feel an enormous sense of loss. I had no control over what was happening to my body, and I knew then that I was losing our baby.

After six hours, someone finally came in and took several vials of blood. About an hour and a half later, a doctor finally came in, and explained that he was waiting for the results of my pregnancy test.

THE RESULTS OF MY PREGNANCY TEST?

Am I the only one that thinks this is odd? If they wanted to test for pregnancy – why didn’t they take my blood when they first admitted let me and let me into the room to lie down?!

Alright, I’ll calm down… Sorry…

Left alone again, all I could was cry. Mike and I didn’t really talk, he was holding my hand, and rubbing my arm, but I was inconsolable. I turned to him at one point and stupidly whimpered “we’re not going to have a baby at Christmas anymore” (I was due in early November); and he immediately said “don’t say that, you don’t that – wait and see what the doctor says.” I don’t know if he really believed that… But I did know. I knew I was losing the baby.


It was another hour and a half later before the doctor came back – and announced that they had confirmed my pregnancy. And only then, did they examine me.

And when they did, I really started to bleed. It was during the physical exam that the doctor said the level of hormone in my blood was low, and that an ultrasound was needed to confirm a miscarriage, which would be done the following morning. They said I could stay there, or go back in the morning. Needless to say, I wanted to get the heck out there, as fast as I could.

So we left.

The following morning, I dutifully went back. During the ultrasound, I asked the woman if I had in fact lost the baby, but she said the doctor would have to talk to me. That was the longest ‘yes’ I had ever heard.

They wheeled me back to a room, and turned the lights off so I could rest. When the doctor came in, she didn’t look at me – she turned on the lights, and flipped through my file. When she spoke, all she matter-of-factly stated was, “there is no longer any sign of pregnancy”, and then turned to walk out of the room. I sat up in a flash – fresh tears steaming down my face, which was probably grotesque looking, all swollen and puffy… I needed to say something – I wanted to say something – I had to know when it would be ok to ‘try’ again… And in my haste, all that came out, in my hurried weakened voice, was “when can I have sex?”.

It may sound odd, even laughable, now – but it was a legitimate question, I was a thirty year old married woman who was obviously trying to have a baby. Even if that wasn’t really how I wanted it to come out… And really, the doctor should have just offered this information to me.

You know – that doctor turned around and glared at me as if I was garbage.

With her hand still on the open door, she said “wait three periods” and left.

I never even heard of a D & C until weeks later, from one of old prof’s – so I really hope I didn’t need one.

This experience left me distraught, miserable and extremely depressed.

I once again want to thank all of you, and reiterate that I am so grateful to have this forum.

This is the most I have EVER written about – or told anyone about – this experience. I am still extremely bitter about it.

So – in this round about way – I wanted to say that I believe that ANYTHING that can be done to make hospital staff more – compassionate? Tactful? I’m not sure what the right word is…

And I am also sure that my experience isn’t the ‘norm’. At least I hope it isn’t.

I don’t know what I would like to ‘receive’ if I were in this position. I think that photographs would probably be the most important to me. That NILMDTS and its photographers provide this service is truly invaluable. In my opinion, as far as the teddy bear goes – it would probably only be meaningful to me if it was actually given to my baby, while he or she was alive – then I was able to keep it afterward – because it was his or hers. I would probably buy – or have a little t-shirt made – and embroider my baby’s name – maybe birth date on it. Is that cheesy? And though I am thinking about it now, I really hope I never ever have to do it. I hope no body minds me saying so.

In the position I was in however, all I wanted was compassion. I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting their time, asking questions…

I hope my rambling rant wasn’t too much…

[Jen Eagan]

Michelle- I wasn't treated quite as badly as you after my miscarriages but I was treated pretty inconsiderately anyway, and I think miscarriages are so common (they say statistically one in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage) that the doctors sometimes forget that it's NOT all part of a days work for us, that it destroys us.

Hannah was 5 months when she died so we had some of our own stuff of hers, but the hospital gave us the blanket they wrapped her in- it was crocheted by a ladies group that made them for that purpose- it was the second ugliest blanket I have ever seen (I was going to say ugliest but I have a mostly blind distant relative that made one actually uglier). I keep it in a box with the rest of her special things. It's ugly but it's hers. :) They also did the little ceramic handprint- they could only do one hand because of IV's and they couldn't do her feet because her chest was open (they couldn't close her chest during her last surgery- long story I don't have the strength to get into today) so they couldn't move her. I love that handprint though, sometimes I will put my finger in it and try and remember what it felt like when she held my hand. They also gave us some of her hair.

[Michelle D-S]

Thanks Jen,

I’m sure you are right – that for the doctors a miscarriage is a “run of the mill” occurrence…

Thank you for telling me about Jen’s blankets…

I have a few things that I bought – they are all still in a bag, in my closet… Little mittens with faces and ears on them… A bath thermometer, a few books, and some finger puppets – I thought they would be nice to tell my baby stories with…

I hope I have the opportunity to use all of these things…

[Charlene Lopez]

Michelle, I'm so sorry you had the experience you did at the hospital. Your loss deserved better attention and care. We too had a bad experience at the hospital. We went in to the emergency room at 38 weeks with Daniel because my water broke and it was all blood. LONG story short, we were not seen by a Dr. for 7 hours and Daniel lost too much blood and oxygen in the meantime to survive. I agree with Jen, that sometimes things are so routine, they can be taken too lightly and you never know when that lack of urgent care is going to result in a devastating loss.

[Jessi Hill]

I had a bad experience with my first miscarriage. (I have had a total of 5 and lost a 3 mo. old) I rolled my car one night going to work. I was 9.5 weeks pregnant. I had to wait FOREVER in the ER to be seen. When they FINALLY got in there the Dr. was "pissed" (for lack of a better term) and whining that I had woke him up...... OH DARN (Wish I was paid so well to be woke up) He had the tech do x rays.... She was a complete idiot (really, I am convinced she was complete.... no parts missing) She tried to use a PEDIATRIC apron on me..... Hello, Do I look 10???? I had just told her I was pregnant also. Another RN finally said something as I was giving her "killer" looks. I promptly reported her stupidity the next day! The Dr. refused to check me for anything to do with the pregnancy and said it was no big deal... and probably just fine. 3 weeks later I miscarried and found out the baby had stopped growing at the time of my accident. I kno2w it may be a coincidence, BUT they could have saved me from thinking all was fine for three weeks. When I did miscarry I was in for an US because they were unable to hear the heartbeat at the clinic. The US tech couldn't legally tell me anything, but I do feel she should have told both me and my husband to go back to the clinic TOGETHER. We were just so exited to see the baby inside of me that it never crossed our minds that there was no "flickering" heartbeat (and I have a medical background!?!??!). My husband left to do some other things for the day, leaving me to go to the clinic alone...... and my midwife gave me the news. She too had seen so many that it was pretty routine. I felt sooooo alone. I still think M/C is equally as difficult as losing a full term baby (you still have hopes and dreams for baby) and harder in ways because people are so non schalant (sp??) about it... at least with my son he was acknowledged and mourned by others too. My husband didn't even get it..... I felt so terribly alone. Everyone kept telling me that it happens, I am young and will get pregnant and have another baby......HMMMMMMM If they only knew, wasn't quite so easy. I too felt the need to try again and didn't wait for any instruction from the Dr. perspective, just did it. I was pregnant with Tristan 3 mo. later. Even though it didn't work for him to be here with me, I feel blessed to have him as my son. He saved our marriage (in my opinion- I was getting pretty stupid in my depression) He was and is a blessing everyday, and taught me so much. I pray you too will find the strength to move through this and that you will find a way to be a mommy (we adopted- VERY expensive, but worth every bit and more!!!) Where there's a will there's a way. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent anytime. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Oh by the way.... isn't URGENT or EMERGENCY just that?????? Something needs to be done about this "let's wait 5-6 hours or better.... then check to see what the problem is.) If we wanted to WAIT I think we would go to the regular clinic the next day!