Scott Hays
11-23-2005, 10:58 AM
Today would have been Lindsey's 19th birthday. I woke up early this morning and was reading the posts on the forum again. It reminded me how much pain is involved in losing a child. It really made me think about the hurt that we went through, especially that first year.
There were some days that right when we thought we had a grip on things, something would come up and one of us would turn into a basket case again. Over the first couple of years, it seemed like this would happen, although at different times, and lessening intervals, it would still happen. I have a sister that was a hospice/grief counselor at the time, and she helped me to understand that it was all a part of the grief cycle. It helped to know that what I was going through was normal.
Throughout the years, things did become easier. Obviously, I have never forgotten Lindsey, but it seems like suddenly, one year, the pain became less. I couldn't tell you when that happened, or how long it took. It just seemed to have happened. At first, the daily rememberance became easier, then the holidays became easier. Now on her birthday, I still have a little problem, but it's still more of a celebration than a down time. This year, as always, I buy a dozen roses for Lindsey. I also bought a special flower for the child of someone I met on line here. After thinking about it, that flower is as much for all the children that Lindsey has met as much as anything.
Our first Christmas, we received a couple of Christmas ornements for baby's first Christmas for Lindsey. They hang next to our children's first Christmas ornaments. My kids are 18 and 14, and although they know mom gets to put up Lindsey's ornaments, they always ask if they can. They never knew her, but they've seen her pictures, and have asked about her.
For us, every year, if we don't receive one as a gift on Lindsey's birthday, we buy an Angel at Christmas for Lindsey. Our china hutch has turned into the angel hutch for all practical purposes. Anywhere from a hummel to a boyd's bear angel. There's such a variety. It is something we received that first year, and we have kept it going ever since. It helps in its own way.
I wish I could say that the first set of holidays and the first birthday were easy, but I would probably be lying. What I can say, is that at least in my case, is that over time, things did get easier. I know that doesn't help right now. Nothing can. In my mind, trying to make it better doesn't do you any good. Trying to make it positive and remembering your child is a different matter though. Making him/her a part of your holidays by remembering them helped us alot.
My Lindsey would have been 19 today. What a wow that is. I'm so thankful for NILMDTS for having this forum now. I feel like the old timer, but still feel like having a place to go to still helps today. Thanks for letting me be here.
Scott
There were some days that right when we thought we had a grip on things, something would come up and one of us would turn into a basket case again. Over the first couple of years, it seemed like this would happen, although at different times, and lessening intervals, it would still happen. I have a sister that was a hospice/grief counselor at the time, and she helped me to understand that it was all a part of the grief cycle. It helped to know that what I was going through was normal.
Throughout the years, things did become easier. Obviously, I have never forgotten Lindsey, but it seems like suddenly, one year, the pain became less. I couldn't tell you when that happened, or how long it took. It just seemed to have happened. At first, the daily rememberance became easier, then the holidays became easier. Now on her birthday, I still have a little problem, but it's still more of a celebration than a down time. This year, as always, I buy a dozen roses for Lindsey. I also bought a special flower for the child of someone I met on line here. After thinking about it, that flower is as much for all the children that Lindsey has met as much as anything.
Our first Christmas, we received a couple of Christmas ornements for baby's first Christmas for Lindsey. They hang next to our children's first Christmas ornaments. My kids are 18 and 14, and although they know mom gets to put up Lindsey's ornaments, they always ask if they can. They never knew her, but they've seen her pictures, and have asked about her.
For us, every year, if we don't receive one as a gift on Lindsey's birthday, we buy an Angel at Christmas for Lindsey. Our china hutch has turned into the angel hutch for all practical purposes. Anywhere from a hummel to a boyd's bear angel. There's such a variety. It is something we received that first year, and we have kept it going ever since. It helps in its own way.
I wish I could say that the first set of holidays and the first birthday were easy, but I would probably be lying. What I can say, is that at least in my case, is that over time, things did get easier. I know that doesn't help right now. Nothing can. In my mind, trying to make it better doesn't do you any good. Trying to make it positive and remembering your child is a different matter though. Making him/her a part of your holidays by remembering them helped us alot.
My Lindsey would have been 19 today. What a wow that is. I'm so thankful for NILMDTS for having this forum now. I feel like the old timer, but still feel like having a place to go to still helps today. Thanks for letting me be here.
Scott