10 months, 2 hours and 14 minutes.............

[Karla]

that's how old my Cydney Piage would have been. As I send my son of to school, I wonder how I would have managed. She would have gotten up around the same time and I would have had to juggle everything, making breakfast with her in my arms, calming her as I race with time so we do not miss the school bus. But life is easy, no rush, plenty of time to do everything, no worries about missing the bus, so why am I complaining? It's what everyone looks forward to, the time in their life when they can slow down, smell the roses, and notice the little precious things that we miss as we rush around. But how do I enjoy this? I see everything clearly, I notice the smallest of details, but I see it through sad eyes, I see the bright colors of the flowers and the butterflies flying around, I see my puppies dance around in circles as they try to catch their own tails, I see the stillness of the trees on a hot humid day, but I don't see my precious child. All of the beauty surrounding me means nothing, I want to share it with my child, I want to hold her in my arms as I watch the puppies, and I want to tear my hair of my head because we are running late, because this morning she is cranky and won't go down. I want to send my son off to school without breakfast because I was up for most of the night with her and did not get up on time. I want it all, I would give anything to be running around crazy, for my days to not have enough time, to have many sleepless nights, to be tired all the time, to have aching arms, to wear no earrings, to have cracked nail polish, unkept hair, sour milk on the front of shirt, to not have seen a movie in months....................Yes I would because that would mean my precious child is here with me.
I love you so very much, precious Cydney Paige Theresa, and I pray for the day that I would hold you again and look down at your beautiful eyes. I am thankful for your short time that you took to bless my life, I would hold forever in my memory and heart the few moments that you opened your eyes and looked at me, it is definitely and always will be the MOMENT of my lifetime. How I wish I could have made time stand still then, if I had only known.................
I know now that you will know me in heaven, that you will hold my hands, that you will know my name when I see you in heaven. But for now I must find the strength to carry on, because I know that I don't belong in heaven. ( thanks Eric Clapton for Tears in Heaven).
I'll see you soon,
Love
Mom.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Karla,

I know...I understand...I share your pain, heartache and grief. Please know that...and know that I care.

How many times do we drive past McDonalds, only to imagine our children pointing and screaming, kicking the seats because they want french fries?
How many times have we imagined standing in line at the grocery store, taking a candy bar out of their tiny hands, and saying NO to them?
How we all long to say just that simple NO to our children...
How we long just to see their tiny hands grabbing for that salty french fry...
These are just the tiniest things that we all take for granted...and these are the memories I have created of Maddux in my mind, even though he never was able to experience this.
Remember that our hopes and dreams, even memories don't die with our children. I have found that I still imagine Maddux doing all of this...Even falling down, running to me, and me kissing his little boo boo on his knee. Walking over to the spot he fell at, and pointing to the crack in the ground saying..."Maddux, look at that crack you made in the ground...You fell so hard that you made a big crack! Who is going to fix that crack?" This always made my children look at the crack, and think they did such a huge thing...Always took the pain away...Yes, these are the things I think about....

Think of anything and everything that you want. Imagine pointing to the butterfly and seeing Cydney's eyes light up...Catching the butterfly...(and then smooshing it in her tiny hands...) Of course, not on purpose...:)