Another topic of the day...

[Cheryl Haggard]

I am really upset. Nope-better word would be disappointed.

I was at the gym working out last night with my friends, and one lady that usually works out with us was not there. I will call her (pregnant lady) She is pregnant with her second baby. I overheard my very very very good friend talking with her friend and (co worker) ((Pregnant lady is also one of their co workers...)) about (pregnant lady) With me so far???
Any way pregnant lady is very upset that the sex of this child she is carrying is not what she was hoping for. (I mean really upset)

I lost a baby, I hear of families every day that lose babies. A good friend of mine just lost her full term baby.
I think I will be saying something to pregnant lady next time I see her about her disappointment.

I took every pregnancy of mine for granted. I NEVER thought I would experience the death of a child. I'm sure we all have here...I guess we are smarter and wiser now.

So, since I have taken all of my pregnancies for granted, why then does it make me (not mad or angry) but rather sad, to see women get upset because the sex is not what they were hoping for...

I know what I am hoping for. I hope that pregnant lady never experiences the loss of a baby, because then the sex of that baby won't be so important.

It just seems so unfair. Here we all are, wanting our babies so badly to be with us, then there are others out there, and it's not they don't care, because I know they do, but they just don't see the bigger picture.
They don't see life, like we all see it now...
Make sense?
Thanks for listening...
Cheryl

[Tasha Nicholls]

Cheryl,

I can totally understand why this would be so disappointing for you. You have lost a child and have a very good friend who has just lost her baby, as well.

To hear about another friend who is actually upset (not just a little disappointed... but very upset) because the sex of the baby is not what she wants must be so frustrating for you.

It makes me wonder how good of a friend she is and if she knows your history with Maddux. I would think that having a friend (you) who had experienced the loss of a baby would help her gain a greater appreciation for her healthy pregnancy and baby to come. Sex of the baby is such a trivial matter when you consider and appreciate what a great blessing it is to have a healthy baby.

I am sorry you are dealing with this right now in addition to everything that is going on with Gina. You are such a good person... I don't think I'd be just disappointed, I think I'd be really mad, too. If she knows your history at all, she should know better and count her lucky stars (or at least pretend to) around you and your mutual friends. It just seems so selfish & thoughtless.

*HUGS* Hang in there.
Tasha

[Angie Bocquin]

WOW...With my first pregnancy I did not find out the sex. With the 2nd I did since it was twins and I needed to prepare. I was hoping for a boy/girl set of twins since I already had a daughter but I clearly remember when they did that ultrasound. I remember feeling like I did not care what sex they where deep down. I already loved both of my babies and just wanted to make sure that they were doing OK.

I remeber the DR. saying one is a boy etc. and reallythe only thing running through my mind was that they were both inside me with strong heart beats. (we found out at 7 weeks we were having twins and I know what the % is for losing a twin early so I was exteremely concerened every day and actually rented a hospital grade monitor to check for both heartbeats-every 30 min. for 30 weeks no less-)

I look at every pregnant lady differently. This organization has changed my life and my priorities so much. I cannot believe how blessed I am every day that I have 3 children. I do not think I could ever emotionaly make it through pregnancy after doing what we do.

I have met so many people on this board that are so much stronger than I.

It is very hard to hear a story like this now. I think that I would probably not be able to hold back telling her how lucky she was that she was pregnant and what a miracle that is in itself and that no matter what the sex is she has a baby inside her, living and breathing...what else could you possible ask for?

Done w/my rant-sorry!

Angie

[Charlene Lopez]

I am actually quite shocked that a good friend of yours would be even a little bit dissapointed in the sex of her baby to be, especially in light of what Gina is going through right now. I'm proud of you for speaking your mind to her but I'm sorry you even have to deal with it.

[Sherry Petri]

Other than posting my story, this will be my first time adding a message here. I wish I did not feel so led to respond to this one as what I must confess will surely leave a bad impression of me. My son's life story is posted on his website(www.jonathanpetri.last-memories.com). In his life story, I thought it might be helpful for other mothers who read it to include my story of guilt. Yes, I was probably a bit like "pregnant lady" in that I did share with my friends that I really wanted a girl. My then 7 year old son challenges me every day of my life(keeps me in prayer) and my then 13 month old son had just begun those screaming/body throwing tantrums when I found out I was pregnant. My then 4 year old girl,though not perfect, had been layed back from the beginning. Being overwhelmed, I thought "if this is a girl, I can do it". When we had our 20 week ultrasound, we clearly saw that he was a boy, a healthy wiggly little boy who liked to suck his fingers. Because everything was okay, I felt like I could be honest. I told my friends that I was going to take a day to get over not having a girl. I cried selfish tears that day. As the weeks passed, I began to see things differently. I am so thankful that God did not call Jonathan home the week of the ultrasound and that he allowed me to have him long enough to gain a new understanding of the fact that God's plan does not always fit into ours. Somehow he led me to the conclusion that my little boy was to touch many lives for him. He has, but not as the adult minister that I imagined.
I too hope that "pregnant lady" has a healthy little baby. If she or anyone else has to be here who is dealing with the guilt that engulfes those of us who entertained selfish wishes about the sex of a baby, I would share what has helped me. Honestly though, I have only taken baby steps. It is still a struggle.
Cheryl, I have read some of your posts, so I know that however you respond to "pregnant lady's" current state of mind, you will do it with grace and a sweet spirit.

[amy]

I am sorry you had to hear this. I feel like people don't even stop and think about what they are saying. She just has no idea at how lucky she really is. I think this everyday when I see a baby with her mother or father. They truly are a miracle and we can never take life for granted.
My prayer and thought are with you.
amy

[Andrea Hillis]

I think I would have to say something to her. Like Angie and I'm sure everyone here, we've all been changed since being a part of NILMDTS.

Before, I had a little patients for ignorance, now I don't.

[Erica Stone]

I think it's interesting what some people consider a major disappointment - I think she needs a reality check.

[Jennifer Turner]

Coming from the "outside" (which by that I mean I'm a photographer not a parent who has lost a child) I think it really comes down to education. I see a lot of anger in some of these posts (and I do understand that as much as I can) and as an "outsider" I have to say that I feel like I should walk on egg shells a bit, or at least I would have had to prior to beginning this work. I am now very aware of what I say to people that I dont know and who may have gone thru this. I know now that a simple question like "do you have children" is a very personal question and not to be asked lightely. But the fact is that many of us have never dealt with what you ladies are going thru and in many cases, we do take for granted that it will all go as expected no problems other than some nausea and bloatedness. And really I think thats a nice place to be in some ways because I say quite often that after seeing everything I have and watching the pain of you all, I dont know that I could peacefully go thru a pregnancy. But the fact is that the average "joe (joanna) citizen) doesnt know about Trisomy, or the fact that cord accidents take 28,000 babies to heaven every year, or how many babies are born still for no reason at all, or born way too soon....I had no idea and worked in the medical indistry at one point. So, I guess my "outside" word on all of this is to ask you for patience...be patient, be graceful, and in the kindest way, educate people that although its not "wrong" to hope for a certain sex, or hair color, or anything...but that its so necessary to keep the perspective on how important that is in the big picture. Sherry, I applaud your courage to share your story, I think we have all thought something like that at some point, the point before reality hit like a ton of bricks. I told my husband that our last child was going home in pink and ruffles regardless of what it was....we're in Texas, let me tell you that didn't go over well, and my "California roots" we're being closely looked at, but really, my "want' for that never overshadowed my hope for a healthy baby. I hope this is taken well and not upsetting. There have been a couple of posts that I wanted to say something like this and haven't because I didn't want to hurt anyone.

[Erica Stone]

I appreciate the "outsider" view, Jennifer - thanks for sharing.

I don't think there's anger in our posts here (at least not from me), but a different perspective. I was thinking about it last night, and I've come to the conclusion that sometimes people just get caught up in their own world. I'm not saying that you can't feel bad when something doesn't go your way, but it's important to look at the larger picture. Even through your worst and darkest moments there is always someone who has it worse than you and would love to trade their problems for yours.

This woman is hopefully having a normal and healthy pregnancy. All you have to do is turn on Discovery Health and see the multitude of families that are dealing with horrible physical and mental conditions with their children - I don't think their child's gender is of great concern. Of course it's not wrong to hope for one sex over the other, but I think what Cheryl's saying is that this woman must have been distraught or sobbing or something. I hope it doesn't seem that we're judging her - this is a place for all of us to share and learn from one another.

[Cheryl Haggard]

I think what it really boils down to is the education and awareness...

Not enough people REALLY get how many pregnancys end in miscarriage, still births or how many babies are born with conditions uncompatable with life. And of course, we all think that the 'unthinkable' can't and won't happen to us...

I too, really wanted a boy when I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time. I got my wish. Maddux.
If he had been a girl, she would not have been born with his condition.

But let me tell you all something...If I could do it all over, I would not change one single thing! The heartache, the tears, the pain...the beauty, the joy, the hope, the peace...Definitely all worth knowing that little baby boy, for just those brief days we had him.

[Jennifer Turner]

Exactly, and just so you all know, I was in no way critisizing. This IS the place to say whatever you need to and however you need to. I just wanted to give a little different perspective.