Support from others

[Erica Stone]

I was just looking at another board where a woman said one of the things that has helped her in her healing is that she has "accepted the support people were capable of giving" her. It got me thinking about how friends, family, and even strangers have reacted to me the past year and a half when told about my situation.

I know that we've talked about insensitive or ignorant things people have said to us - or haven't said - and I'm drawn back to the words "capable of." Not that it gives someone permission to say something jerky, but without the knowledge or open-mindedness we are all victim to here is it all some people are capable of?

And can we, even in our continuing grief, accept that support? Will it help us? I know that there have been times when I have been reluctant to talk to people who understand for fear of seeming like a burden or a broken record.

And what about the people who have never said anything to us at all? Maybe they're not "capable" of saying anything to us for other reasons. Maybe we have to accept that their support comes in a prayer or just thinking about us.

I guess it's a nice way of looking at a situation that might hurt our feelings or disappoint us. Any thoughts?

[HAINAngel2000]

I have to agree with your post. Also since everyone grieves in so many different ways you sometimes are not really sure what to say and when. Sometimes when we are healing we just want to be left alone and at other times need to talk, talk talk! So I can see where if your on the outside it can be confusing...
There are some people that are just not talkers or listeners. If they have not gone through it then some people feel like they can't offer help as they don't understand the pain themselves so don't feel quilified to offer words or kindness. And some people you couldn't pluck feelings out of if you tried lol.
There are so many different types of people and some sadly just are cold and some are warm and loving. No excuses for the cold person but sadly that is how some people are.
And sometimes no matter what people say it may never look right to us or feel right to us.
However trying is better then not.. So this can be a long run of all of our opinions as its a very good subject!!

[Cheryl Haggard]

Great topic Erica...

I have had a few people contact me and ask me what they could do for my friend and her family. Of course, prayers top the list, and besides the simple things, the one thing I tell everybody is stay in touch with her. Call her, send a card. DO NOT AVOID her because you don't know what to say.

I think that is the one thing that tops our list...Avoidance. It not only hurts us, but it makes us think of things that we can do to make you feel better. And we should not be trying to make you feel better...Just so it will be easier for you to talk with us.
So, just my 2cents...
Cheryl

[Charlene Lopez]

Great thoughts Erica,

I have also found that I'm sometimes reluctant to talk about my grief for fear of being a burden on some. Every now and then a really tough day comes along because of a picture or a song or whatever...and I'm reluctant to talk to even those closest to me.:confused: