Scott Hays
12-01-2005, 02:14 AM
It's been awhile now, but I can still remember that first Christmas like it was yesterday. I was in the Navy and was stationed in Hawaii when Lindsey died, and we immediately flew back to Colorado when Lisa was feeling up to it physically. We stayed through Christmas, and spent Christmas Eve with Lisa's parents and Christmas day with my family.
Our families while knowing we were grieving, as were they, but we still all tried to make jokes and tried to keep things lite. That year, not only had we already bought a baby's first christmas ornament, but my in-laws and my mother also had bought a baby's first christmas ornament as well. As hard as it was to receive these gifts, each year, we hang them next to our two chilrdrens first christmas ornaments.
No one could ever tell me that the holidays would get easier. At first I didn't want them to get easier, i felt like i needed that pain. I didn't have Lindsey with me. Even the next year when we had Zachary with us, I still missed Lindsey dearly. The next three years were a little easier, then we had Kaley, and the memories of Lindsey came storming back, but it was still a little easier. Suddenly one year, I don't know when exactly, it just got easier. We never forgot about Lindsey, but the pain did subside. We still hang our ornaments. Mom gets to hang them. Some years we let the kids hang one of them, but usually mom gets to hang them all, including Zach's and Kaley's.
Don't feel like you ever have to forget your child, we all know that won't ever happen. Don't feel guilty or bad if you start feeling better. It's part of the healing process. I personally can smile now when I think of Lindsey. I think of the young woman she would have become. I think of all the fun we might of had, and they are all happy thoughts. It's been a long road, but it does get there. This holiday season, there will be ups and downs. Don't try to fight the feelings you are having. Go with them. If nothing else, use this forum to express what your feeling. THat's what we're here for.
THe best to all of us.
Scott
Our families while knowing we were grieving, as were they, but we still all tried to make jokes and tried to keep things lite. That year, not only had we already bought a baby's first christmas ornament, but my in-laws and my mother also had bought a baby's first christmas ornament as well. As hard as it was to receive these gifts, each year, we hang them next to our two chilrdrens first christmas ornaments.
No one could ever tell me that the holidays would get easier. At first I didn't want them to get easier, i felt like i needed that pain. I didn't have Lindsey with me. Even the next year when we had Zachary with us, I still missed Lindsey dearly. The next three years were a little easier, then we had Kaley, and the memories of Lindsey came storming back, but it was still a little easier. Suddenly one year, I don't know when exactly, it just got easier. We never forgot about Lindsey, but the pain did subside. We still hang our ornaments. Mom gets to hang them. Some years we let the kids hang one of them, but usually mom gets to hang them all, including Zach's and Kaley's.
Don't feel like you ever have to forget your child, we all know that won't ever happen. Don't feel guilty or bad if you start feeling better. It's part of the healing process. I personally can smile now when I think of Lindsey. I think of the young woman she would have become. I think of all the fun we might of had, and they are all happy thoughts. It's been a long road, but it does get there. This holiday season, there will be ups and downs. Don't try to fight the feelings you are having. Go with them. If nothing else, use this forum to express what your feeling. THat's what we're here for.
THe best to all of us.
Scott