Strange developments

[Erica Stone]

Has anyone else developed bizarre "habits" since you lost your babies?

I have become really jumpy in the car when I'm not the one doing the driving - something my husband isn't particularly fond of! I don't feel like people are paying attention and that someone is going to smash into us. I'm totally fine when I drive.

I also often wake up in the middle of the night (as you can see by the time of my post) with a feeling that something isn't right. Even though there's nothing wrong, my gut tells me that there is. It's hard to shake and - I hope this makes sense - it's like I'm mentally sick to my stomach.

It's like unintended side effects from trauma - will they last? Will I develop more? Will I become the crazy lady with all the "interesting" quirks? :p

[Scott Hays]

Hi Erica,
I don't know you, but I feel confident that you won't be the lady with the interersting quirks.
I know after we lost Lindsey, I had the same kind of thing going on. My issue was the something isn't right feeling. Lindsey dies on November 23, and then my son was born November 3, and my daughter November 10. The year before Lindsey was born, we had a miscarriage on November 23. November has been my jumpiest month. That isn't to say that it didn't happen at other times as well. I can say that for me, the intensity has gone down a whole lot. As far as November goes, I'm still jumpy these 20 years later, especially around Lindseys birthday, but again, the intensity isn't there. The bad feelings that I used to have throughout the year eventually subsided. It did take a couple of years for them to come down, but it was a gradual thing. It's hard not to think of them while they are happening, but soon enough, my guess is, that you'll stop noticing them, and they'll stop happening as often. But give yourself time, don't try to make it stop. Let it happen in it's own time.
I wanted to say this in one of your last posts, but I tell this the the NILMDTS parents that i help. This forum is so great especially at night when you can't sleep, and you have no other way to express yourself. Or when there just isn't any one else you feel you can talk to. I just wanted to tell you how wonderful I think it is that you are finding comfort here. I wish I had the words, and the ability to express myself the way Cheryl does, but I don't, so when you read Cheryl's posts, just throw a ditto under there from me. (It's the only way I can feel like I'm a real writer)

By the way, you mentioned "it's like uninteded side effects from trauma". In my book, you hit it right on the head. It's like a PTSD that we have from our time in the military. You went through a very traumatic time, and your body is having to readjust to a sense of normalcy (sp?) Time will help Erica, but don't be afraid to get help if it starts to get worse. It's one of the best things I did.