Sleepless Night

[Brooke]

Hi To All,

I'm having my first sleepless night since the passing of our daughter Emma only three short weeks ago today now. I hate it when you can't sleep. Your mind keeps racing and you try so hard to sleep but can't. I'm not sure what I am thinking about or not thinking about. It seems like I keep thinking to myself that I am doing o.k. and handling our situation with Emma's death so well and I feel guilty for that. We had 3 1/2 weeks to prepare for her death and start the grieving process and I keep telling myself that I why I am doing better than expected. Yesterday I did have a hard day again off and on as it was the day that I posted Emma's story from start to finish on this forum so maybe that is why I am having problems shuting of my head tonight. Who knows. I just keep thinking that tomorrow is Halloween, my son's fourth B-Day and I don't want to be in a fog when it is time to celebrate his Birthday and go out trick or treating and I have to work tomorrow and the rest of the week. Does anyone have any suggestions that work well for them when they have these nights? I am open to any suggestions. I hate to take sleeping pills but know I can if I need to get some sleep. I already took some Tylenol PM and that doesn't seem to be helping much. Just need some prayers and words of adivce.

Thank you,

Brooke

[Tammy]

Sharing your daughter's beautiful story is the first big step toward healing. It's letting the world know Emma is a huge part of you, and she will always hold a special place in your life and in your heart.
I think many of us here have at some point had those sleepless nights too. I know the first two weeks after I was home from the hospital I hardly slept, I kept pacing the house in the middle of the night~ my head would not shut down either. I was told by my doc it's a normal phase.
Finally out of pure exhaustion sleep came.
Reading always puts me to sleep. Give it another week or so, if you're still having trouble you may want to talk with your doctor about it.
Know we are here when you need us~:o

[B Storm]

Brooke,
What a cool name that is mine as well. I sleep 4-5 hours a night NOW! I had to call my doctor because I was not sleeping at all. I still have anxiety but when I do lay down my sleep is a little more restful. I am going to a support group. I have a wonderful husband and family. They are supportive. I find it most helpful for me to talk with others that have had the same loss as us. Its therapeutic. My OB-Gyn gave me the name of another patient(with their permission) that also had a stillborn. We have talked. She has been a comfort to me. Maybe this would be comforting to you as well. From one grieving mother to another.

Love and Prayers,
B. Storm

[Brooke]

Hi Brooke,

Thank you so much for the a-mail. How long has it been since you lost your baby? I was doing so well until last night. I hope that it was just a fluke thing and isn't going to start happening everynight. That is my fear. Last summer-July 2005 I experienced post-partum with my second son and my only issue with that was insomnia. They put me on Zoloft and Ambien. The Ambien sleeping pill I only took for two weeks and it worked for me. The Zoloft I was on for almost a year. When I found out that I was expecting Emma I stopped taking it. I had been weening myself anyway. Don't want to have to take a anti-depressent again, even though I know it worked for me. I just pray that this isn't going to continue to happen. I have to sleep so that I can function as a mom, wife, and Co-worker. Thanks for listening.

[Serenity's mommy]

It has almost been the same for me. It has been 3 weeks and 3 days. I had some trouble sleeping also. The first night that I didn't sleep at all was this past Monday when I met with a grief therapist. I think I had so much on my mind. She told me that at this point I really need to take care of myself by sleeping enough and drinking a lot of water. If you are crying as much as I am then you know you are dehydrated. Last night about an hour before bed, I took two Tylenol PM and my anti anxiety medication and I slept for 10 straight hours. If you need to take the medication because it helps you, then do it. Do it for yourself. If you need to start the Zoloft again then do it. Do whatever will make you feel better at this point. Don't judge yourself, we'll get through this. We just have to believe....

[Brooke]

Hi Serenity's Mommy,

I think that we were actually at Children's Hospital at the same time. Emma was delievered stillborn on 10-10-06. Heather Lombardo was my photographer also. Isn't she a awsome person. I am so grateful for getting to know her over loosing Emma. That is one of the positive things I have learned from loosing our daughter, is all the great friends you get to meet.

I actually did sleep last night too. I also took a Tylenol PM partially to help me sleep and the other reason to help with my sinuses. So am grateful for a full nights rest. Thanks for listening and for your advise. Stay strong and we will both get through this tuff time in our lives. Good luck to you.

Emma's Mommy- Brooke

[Erica Stone]

Brooke,

It is not going to be easy - I haven't slept well in over a year. I mean, I sleep, but it took a good six months before I got any sort of quality sleep. (In hindsight, I really should have taken something to help me so I could turn off my brain.)

There will be up and down moments and hours and days and weeks. Don't be hard on yourself and try not to worry about "doing OK" or putting on a face for others. I think that when your moments come just surrender to them, especially in the first few months. Make sure you talk to your husband when you are having a hard time, and that he talks to you. And most importantly, if medication (or anything else) helps you then take it.

I also think that this forum will be cathartic for you as it has been for many of us. We are all here to listen whenever you need us.

[Brooke]

Hi Erica,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and words of advice. I have been sleeping better the last two nights, but now I am fighting a viral infection. I think that I have been through so much lately and not taking much time to rest that my body has finally given in a gotten sick now. I just hope it is short lived because it is no fun being a mom when you feel crummy. I shouldn't complain, I know. So I'll put on a smile and get on with life. Thanks for listening. Hope your sleepless nights go away soon for you!!