Sleepless/Restless Nights

[Brooke]

Hi Everyone,

I am writing here in "I need a shoulder" because I feel that I truely do right now. I have been having some restless/sleepness nights since this past Friday. Last night was bad again. I am 8 weeks post-pardum with our daugther Emma that we delievered stillborn on 10-10-06. Up until now I have felt that I have been dealing with the greif process very well. I'm not sure if it is because the holidays are coming, or that I am due for my "monthly" visitor tomorrow, so maybe it is just hormones, or if my mind is just playing tricks on me. When our second son was born 1 1/2 years ago I did suffer from some post-pardum depression with him and it didn't hit me until 8 weeks post-pardum. My only symptoms where insomnia/anxiety. I treated it with Zoloft. I took Ambien to aid in sleep until my sleep patteren was normal again. Over all both drugs worked for me, but my dilema this time is that I don't want to be put on any anti-depressants so that when we decide to have another baby my system is totally free of any drugs. I don't really feel that I am to that point that I need treatment, but just some hugs, prayers, and words of encouragement may do me wonders. If any of you have had similar symptoms and can share what helped you that would be comforting to me. I know that I am not alone and unfortunately there are many parents out there that have these issues as well. So maybe we'll help eachother out.

Thank you,

Brooke ( Emma's Mommy)
Sister to Carter-4 & Ethan- 18 months

[Rayna']

I am sorry you are having a hard time {hugs}. I started taking Zoloft 50mg when I had my miscarriage in Sept & now up to Zoloft 150mg. I know that you don't want to be on meds right now, but please consider them if this last too long. You've been through alot in the past two months & I bet Xmas can be hard. I hope others here that been in your situation can help you through this difficult time.

thinking of you...

[linda]

Hi Brooke,

My prayers are with you right now. Know that we are all thinking of you and share your loss. It takes time. Please give yourself that - there is no time limit some days are better than others and over time you'll find ways to heal your broken heart. Our Angel Ethan was born June 23, 2006 and I'm just now finding peace with losing him. I'm so proud of you for writing. I sent a message to Deb Stoner (months ago) and she ended up being the thread that kept me together. There are so many people who don't understand our pain. Hang in there if you ever need to chat - or call and talk with someone I'm here for you.

cell (402) 880-5415
work (303) 677-1411

Linda - Mom to Elijah (7) and Angel Ethan

I leave you with you this-

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of her name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul. "

Author Unknown

Brooke,

What a beautiful name - Emma!! I bet she was a precious little lady!! I would love to hear about her and what she looked like. How are her Big Brothers doing? How is her Daddy doing?

If you could send your mailing address I have a book for the boys.

[Brooke]

Thank you Rayna for listening. I am going to hope that this is just a part of the grieving process and that the sleepless nights won't last too long and if they do, I will get medical help, but for now just the support from people like you and the vitamins is what I want to persue. I know Zoloft has worked me also in the past, but would like to try to not depend on them if I can help it. Thanks again.

Brooke

[Cheryl Haggard]

Brooke,
I too, had problems sleeping after Maddux died. I would wake up in a startle-Alot of anxiety...I started sleeping with a pooh bear that I bought wrapped in Maddux's blanket. To this day I still sleep with this bear tucked under my tummy...(I sleep on my side) This was the only comfy position when I was pregnant with Maddux. Having this bear tucked beneath me, makes me feel like Maddux is still with me...Needless to say, I do not have problems sleeping anymore.
Hope this helps
Cheryl

[CMatros]

I know that using the drugs out on the market are not what everyone wants to do. I too am currently on 100mg of Zoloft and it has worked wonders. I have noticed a huge change in myself when I voluntarily take myself off of them...it ususally starts with "carrie we need to talk" coming from my supervisor at work. Eventually I will slowly go off of them. But my ob perscribed Vistril to help with sleeping...these knock me out...I don't use these much anymore unless I know that I need to catch up on my sleep. What I have recently started doing is Bath and Body Works has a 'pillow mist' that you can spray on your pillow before going to bed. They come in different scents and it has really made it where I don't want to get up in the morning....try that...it may help you but it is also a way to not be dependent on sleep aids.

[Brooke]

Dear Cheryl & Carrie,

Thank you both so much for your words of encouragement. My plan of attack tonight it to take Ambien(sleeping pill) and maybe for the next few nights until I get caught up on my loss sleep. Then try without and see how I do. Emotionally I have felt good since about noon today. It has helped tremendously to come here to this forum and also to e-mail friends and family so that they are aware of the little extra support that I need right now. I am still currently taking my prenatal vitamins which are great for everyone regardless if you are expecting or not and I am also going to be taking Magnesium Asporatate. Magnesium is suppose to aid in keeping your blood pressure level, anxiety, sleep, along with many other things. My pharamist agreed that it may help me to feel more at easy with life. So is worth a try. If I eventually need a antidepressant I'll go there, but hoping not too. As I said earlier, I don't feel that I am to that point. Thanks again for all your help and suggestions. Cheryl I have a angel bear that is Emma's, so tonight I'll try sleeping with that too and see what it does for me. I saw the pooh bear in your family picture. How adorable he is and your children.

Love,

Brooke (Emma's Mommy)

Sister to Carter-4 & Ethan-18 months

[Martin Comiskey]

Brooke,
Know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Martin

[B Storm]

:) Brooke,
I wanted to tell you that I am currently on a anti-anxiety, and a anti-depressant(Celexia, a very low dose). On the 24th of December it will be just 4 months since our baby Sam has been gone. I am also very careful what I put into my body. I just knew that I could not get through these hard times without a little something. I also talk about baby Sammy a lot. I have lunch or supper with a friend who also lost her baby boy. I met her through my Ob-Gyn's office. This is the best gift that they could of given me. We talk for hours. If you would like to talk, email me anytime day or night. I check my email several times a day. I sleep very little these days, as well. When I delivered Samuel, my auntie bought me a stuffed animal dog. I sleep with this dog every night. I hug this dog several times a day. I would be lost without it. It brings me so much comfort. Many days, I have just taken life, hour by hour, day by day. Remember that you are loved and appreciated. My family and I will be praying for you.

B.Storm
mother to Lilly-3
baby Angel Samuel

[Janeice]

Hi Brooke,
One of the things I told the doctor was that I too did not want to be on pills for depression, that I wanted to work through it on my own, knowing also that celexa and zoloft and stuff can take up to a month to start working. I did have ambien (which didn't help me) and I asked for a pain killer; he gave me percasett (sp?), this is a one time pill that helps with the emotions, I have taken it a few times just to "get away" for a while, it also has helped me to sleep at night. Not addictive if you just take it once in a while, just something to help ease the pain. I had an epadural with Renny, and when he was born, I remember being able too look at him as a baby, not a stillborn, kind of like being on the outside looking in. I wasn't all emotional until it wore off, I just told the doctor that I wanted a pill similar, to just help me go away for a bit, not everyday. Just a suggestion, I will be praying for you!!!

[Sara Chapman]

Brooke,

It is awesome that you are reaching out, that will help you through this. To go to others who care and are willing to support you.... I know that I can't do much from here.... but I will lift you up in Prayer.

God's Blessings to you as the Holidays come and with it I am sure waves of emotion.