Optimistic but Scared

[B Storm]

:) December 7, is my husband's birthday. On this special day, David(my husband) and I found out that we were pregnant. We are very happy, but nervous for good reason. Our new baby will be due almost the same time that we delivered Samuel(August 24, 2006) to heaven. After we delivered Samuel, I found out that I had a blood clotting disorder(Factor 5 Leiden). Yesterday, When I went to the doctor, he informed us that I will have to take Heparin injections.(throughout this pregnancy) I just took my second injection today. It hurts and I do not like needles. We need prayer. I really do not know what to believe about pregnancy anymore.
I sometimes still wish I was the naive pregnant woman. With Samuel, our pregnancy was very easy. We new nothing was wrong tell it was too late.
It is amazing how baby Sammy has changed our life so much. We would not change our new life for the world. We think of him often. He will not be forgotten. I will refuse to complain. We are so blessed. My emotions represent a Yo-Yo. I know others on the forum have had successful pregnancies after losing a child. Could some of you, Please share with us about your experiences. Please pray that our pregnancy will go smooth. It is very scary. Thanks for letting me share.

[Jessi Hill]

Saying a prayer for you... Keep us informed!

[Tasha Nicholls]

Brooke,

Congratulations! You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers throughout the upcoming months.

Take care and keep us posted! :)

[DeeDee Ortiz]

Sending a big hug & lots of prayer for you.

[Sandy "Sam" Puc']

What a blessing...Congratulations~~!

We are all so excited for you.
peace-
Sam

[Tammy]

Congratulations Brooke and David! You are in my thoughts and prayers~

[Brooke]

Hi Brooke,

Congratulations on your new pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck. I'll be praying for you. Keep us posted throughout the next several months. I too wish to become pregnant this spring so would love to hear on how your pregnancy goes. Take care of yourself and try to enjoy everything about this pregnancy.

Love,

Brooke (Emma's Mommy)
Sister to Carter-4 and Ethan-19 months

[tinantravis]

Thanks for sharing your wonderful news with us! I, too, am expecting another baby and just like your family, we are expecting right around the time that Isaiah was due (he was born June 8th, 2006; was due July 31st and my projected due date is July 19th, 2007). I so want to be happy and excited and I'm doing a pretty good job (I think) at pretending I am, but deep down, I AM SCARED TO DEATH. There was no reason, no explanation, why Isaiah was taken from us, so in a way, it's like I am protecting myself just in case it happens again. I now am so aware of all the things that can happen to babies and all the things that have to be perfect in order for a baby to be born happy and healthy.
Last Monday I had an ultrasound and saw our baby's heart beating...that's when the real fear sunk in. Our pregnancy became real,and I quickly realized that I was really doing this again.

I share your same fears. Maybe together we can find strength to get through our pregnancies with optimism. Thanks again for sharing your story.

[Erica Stone]

Congratulations ladies!

I understand your fears perfectly, as I went through a similar experience. Matthew was due August 16th last year, but was stillborn May 5th. When I got pregnant again with Tommy, my due date was August 29th. He decided that was too long to wait and arrived on August 17th this year - the day after Matthew's due date. Throughout this second pregnancy I was a total nutjob - but in my own head. I was paranoid all the time and was waiting for something bad to happen again.

At the same time - this is wierd - I realized that all the worrying was wothless because I had absolutely no control over the outcome. After what happened to us I couldn't sweat the small stuff. I know that is the exact opposite of what I just said, but I think you're crazy when you're pregnant anyway. I was talking to another pregnant lady at my Dr's office and she was all worried about the stupid hot dog she ate, thinking it was going to cause some kind of birth defect, and all I could do was laugh to myself! I did everything right, and still had a baby that died, so who cares if you have a can of tuna, you know?? We had an autopsy and know WHY he died, but there wasn't any syndrome or condition that could explain all the problems. I also did not want to complain the second time around, even though I really really do not like to be pregnant. I would have given anything to change what happened with Matthew, so I felt that I could handle whatever my raging hormones were going to send my way.

The big thing for me was getting past the point we lost Mathew. I was still freaked out after that, but I just wanted to make it to that time. I was emotional the entire pregnancy, but who wouldn't be? I have all sorts of emotions even now with a new baby consuming most of my thoughts, and I still wake up in the middle of the night waiting for something else to happen. I am hopeful that at least some of the anxiety will diminish over time, although I'm pretty sure that I'll always have some of it.

[B Storm]

Erica,Tina, and Brooke,

Thanks for your words! They mean so much to me. Congrats Tina! We will have to email back and forth. Brookestorm@comfortkeepers.com. I want to hear about it. I bet hearing that heartbeat was a wonderful melody. I go to the doctor on the 26th for an ultra sound. I am very emotional and scared. I love that name Isiah.

Erica,
I am glad to know that some of my feelings and thoughts that I am experiencing are normal. If you do not mind, when I am feeling nutty, I would like to email you. The forum right now for me is so comforting. I miss our baby Samuel so much. I wish he was here. I am so blessed to be pregnant again. However, I am feeling so many different things.

Love and prayers,
B. Storm