Silent Lucidity

[Tammy]

As I sit and type this message, my thoughts wonder back through the soon to be previous year. It was a year of many positives, and devastating negatives. The only way I would go through another year such as this one, is if and only if the outcomes of certain events were different. However, this year of 2005 will never be forgotten. The year 2005 will be embedded in my heart and mind for the rest of my life, just as the year of 2003 is embedded in my mind and will be forever.
As I prepare to move forward, I can't help but to think of what's going to come next. Will my faith and my strength be tested yet again? Will my endurance of will change? Will I be granted the serenity to accept the things I can not change, or the courage to change the things that I can, and will I be able to grasp the wisdom to know the difference. All questions yet to be answered, yet I am not sure I ever will have the answers. All part of the unknown... such a mystery it is, this thing called life.
Reading this, you maybe thinking what am I talking about. Or, maybe you are asking yourself the same questions, as well as questions of your own.
The fact of the matter is I am only thinking out loud, and sharing these thoughts. Lucidity means clear, easily understood, rational, sane and shining. Well, my life at this point is just the opposite. Events that have portrayed over the past year are far from clear or easily understood. And I can't say I feel they were rational. But I also realize I have no control over certain things that take place. (to be continued)

[Tammy]

March 3, 2006
I didn't get back to finishing this post as I would have liked to, thought today would be a good day to do so.
Life in general is ok; it's moving forward as it should. By no means have I left Chase in the past, he is with me always. So is the pain I feel of losing him. At some point of everyday I find myself thinking of the what should have beens. Some days these thoughts come to me with a little smile, and other days they come to me in tears, but that's ok... it means I am healing.
I had been told Chase has become an inspiration, along with the babies who are together in Heaven, whose memories are alive through this organization and forum. I had been told I have become an inspiration, along with the parents of these precious little ones who share their stories, share their pain and grief. I'm not exactly sure how much of an inspiration I am, but if I can do something to make a difference, I'm all for it.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Love the avitar. You did good. Don't have time to type right now, heading to cheer. More later.
But know this...You truly are an inspiration!:D

[Deb Stoner]

Your boys all look alike! Love the photo.
Keep on chugging. You're doing great!

[Tammy]

It is awesome how all three boys share simular characteristics and features. Chase had the dark hair though, the other two are blondies. I picture Chase keeping the dark hair and having big piercing blue eyes like his oldest brother.