emptiness

[tinantravis]

I just posted this in "Prayer Requests," but felt a need to put it here to get your thoughts....I'm having a particularly TOUGH day. "Unforunately, Travis and I were told the results about the baby we miscarried (we miscarried right after Christmas and had previously lost our son, Isaiah in June 2006). The test results confirm that our baby was a boy and had chromosomal defects: Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 14. They've encouraged us to seek genetic counseling and genetic testing. Though Isaiah's condition, triploidy, wasn't genetic, trisomy is...This has completely devasted us. We once had hope, but I feel like it's now lost. I feel emotionless, numb, and not to mention, pissed off at the world. Of course, my mom and husband didn't react like "I wanted them to," but in the same breath I'm not sure how I wanted them to react. I had such high hopes that it wasn't chromosomal again. How could this happen twice? Do we chance it for our selfish needs to have another child? How will I ever convince myself or Travis to have another when there's such a big risk? None of this makes sense...neither of us have any family history of chromosomal abnormailites. URRGGHHH!!"

[B Storm]

Words cannot express how my heart aches for you. Who would of thought that pregnancy could be so difficult. I never did. My husband and I share some of your same fears. I will email you later.

Much Love and Many Prayers,
Brooke Storm
mother of Lilly-3
mommy to my Angel Baby Sammy-August 24, 2006

[Kamie]

Tina, I'm so very sorry my heart goes out to you!

[Karla]

Tina,
I understand your pain and confusion. Why do bad things happen to good people? I'd always pride myself on my good health, apart from a family history of diabetes, and to date I show no signs of this, I know of no other genetic illness, yet my daughter was born with a rare heart defect, one in ten thousand babies, and one was my girl????? How it hurts to have to face such a reality. Pissed at the world, bewildered, I cannot imagine anyone being able to give me a satisfatory explanation. I know how you feel, many of us here do, be pissed, pour your heart out, and always know that we are here, anytime, we will hold your hand, lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on, and we'll say a prayer always.

Love and hugs,
Karla

[Jessi Hill]

Tina,
I think you have ever right to be pissed.... I sure was/ sometimes still am! We too have no history of defects or chromosomal abnormalities, but our baby boy had trisomy 9, monomy 22. We did see the genetic counsellors and found my hubby is the carrier... so I hope you too can find out, and then work around it. The doctors didn't even want to tell us who carried it because they didn't want me to blame him.... but who could know? If it is him you can do AI with donor sperm, and if it happens to be you maybe you can do donor eggs.... Don't give up yet!!! We were about to and got a call about a baby girl to adopt, have had her since day one and she couldn't be any more mine if I would have carried her the entire time! Somethings do come good out of tragedy.... but it is VERY hard to wait and find it.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers... we are all here for you.
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[Sarah O'Neal]

I am so sorry.......Just please do not give up hope. What if two years in the future, they will have the research and the corrective procedures to guarantee this will not happen. Have faith..............................

[Cheryl Haggard]

Don't give up...Never give up!

With Maddux's condition, Myotubular Myopathy, the mother is the carrier.
I was tested, and it turns out that I am NOT a carrier. It was just random.
We were worried about my daughters being carriers, but they have (get this) the same percentage as me- which is less than 3%- to be a carrier.
Go figure...

Karla, you are right...Why do bad things happen to good people?
None of us 'deserve' this.
But I have always been one to say that there is a reason, and it is up to each of us to find that reason.
Hugs to all...

[Catherine Colgan]

You're not really angry at how your family responded as much as you're angry at the situation. Been there, done that. Like the others said, keep hoping until you have answers...and then plan from there. As my grandma used to say, "Don't put the cart before the horse." :)

My thoughts are with you and I hope you're able to find your way through this.

[Karla]

Hey Cheryl,

I wish I could find that reason. I do so need some peace in my life. I have been "rollercoasting" ever since Cydney. How can you explain 13 years after Willie? Right in the middle of my final year exams?? Morning sickness to deal with, not sure how I am going to pass???? I was well on my way to becoming a lawyer, had to put that off because I was now going back to the career I love best, being a mom, (to a newborn) so what is the reason???? I am down, I cannot decide to get back into studying, It will bring back many memories and questions> I love Cydney with all my heart, but how does all this factor into my life??? What is the reason??? Why was I stopped in the middle of my tracks??? What was God telling me??? I often tell him that I am not smart enough to get what he's saying, so if he could please speak to me in simple terms!!! I am waiting for the answers, I am really confused by all this. I was more than happy to give up my studies to be mom to Cydney, I feel like I was given a grand opportunity and I let it slip away, I foolishly tied my tubes the day my baby was born, and even though another baby cannot replace her, will never replace her, knowing that I cannot have another baby just hits very hard.

Why me???? Why all this for me to deal with???
I wish I could be as optimistic as you are Cheryl, I do feel really badly sometimes pouring out my sorrows, .

Karla

[Kirk Kief]

Karla,
This might be way off base. And, I certainly don't want to bring back any old memories to cause you more pain. But, have you considered that maybe God's plan was to get your awareness of the problems in the medical industry in your area, and that you are the one he wants to work to right those wrongs? By returning to your studies, and receiving your license, you'd be in a perfect position to work on curing some of those ills since you unfortunately experienced a worst case scenario.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Kirk-You took the words right out of my mouth...

Karla, sometimes the answer is so simple and so obvious, it is hard to see.
You should talk to Deb Stoner...Consider volunteering at you local hospital for bereaved parents, that way, you are there first hand, for another family that might be born with Cydney's condition. As you know, time is of the essense for these babies. Be a strong ARM! You have a little angel to help and guide you.

[tinantravis]

Hey guys--
Thanks for all your support. I was able to take some time off work Friday to sort things out with my husband. I was so scared when I posted earlier because we were on opposite pages as far as what to do. We meet with a genetic counselor in two weeks (not soon enough), but at this point, don't think we'll have genetic testing. This is mostly my husband's decision because he truly believes he won't be able to live with the guilt if it is him and he's worried how I might feel if it is him or even myself. We've already been through so much already. After much thinking, I beleive he's right. I asked Travis, my husband, about PGD with IVF and he's also against that...instead, he says, "we'll beat the odds...we can do this...we have one healthy child already...I'm not living in fear, and I'm not giving up." If only I was just as certain. Only God knows what the future holds....

[marylouise]

My prayers are with you.
Hugs,
Mary Louise

[Tammy]

Tina~
Sorry for the delayed response to your post~ I just wanted you to know you and Travis are in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up hope, as difficult as it may be. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It helps so much to express what you are going through.