I miss my baby boy

[Mike Buckley]

I want to thank Scott Hays for inspiring me to write about my son. Christopher passed away 6 mos ago after an 11 mo. battle with a horrible disease. He was 11 mos. old and fought like a tiger. The doctors thought he wouldn't last 3 mos but he smiled for his Mommy & Daddy every day during his ordeal. I guess I am not the "typical" man when it comes to grieving. I cry like a baby when his memories overwhelm me. All the what ifs? I feel so guilty for not getting him Miami sooner!! He was on the waiting list for a small bowel transplant at Pittsburg Childrens Hospital. The best in the world for his type of transplant. Their average wait for organs was 10 mos. I found out much too late that Miami's average wait was only 2 mos!! How could I have missed this? I did so much research!! But, these are not made public yet my oldest son's pediatric GI was the one who told me!! I guess what I am trying to say is that lack of knowledge on my part is tearing me up inside. I know I didn't cause my son's death but I can't come to terms with this yet. I really believe that corresponding with those understand my loss is going to help me. I have to try. Thanks for letting me vent.
Sincerely yours, Mike Buckley

[ralamar]

Hi Mike,

I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. My son died a little over two years ago, and the pain I feel is still just as much as it was. I'm going to copy the lyrics of a song that I listen to quite often, written by an artist named Mark Schultz (perhaps you've heard it). The song is titled, "He's My Son."

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understnad
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes
CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son
Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there
CHORUS
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

Hope this helps,

Ronald La Mar

[DeeDee Ortiz]

Mike I feel your pain. My son passed away from a brain tumor. I have so many "what ifs" that at times it is so overwhelming. Today has been a very emotional day for me. His headstone was finally put down today. I have waited for this to happen, and now it feels so bittersweet. I will remember you & Christopher in my prayers.

[Estrella]

Mike, so sorry this post seems to have been missed...I am so sorry for the loss of your son...I hope that time has brought you some peace and healing, you are in my prayers!

Ronald, thank you for posting the song! I love it! I have posted it in my blog for my son, Elias, who has recently been diagnosed with autism. He needs prayers!

Blessings to all,
Estrella