Can you help me with this situation?

[Rayna']

My sister works for a small family company. She is really close them. Back in 2000, one of the sister inlaws (Angelique) lost a baby in her 6th month of pregnancy. They are such a private family that all that I knew was the baby was a boy.
This past January I email everyone I knew a poem about the one year anniversary of my first miscarriage. Angelique & I started emailing back & forth about our losses. They had named the baby Joseph. She said she would never forget the stupid hurtful things that people said to her. She said that she has a Xmas stocking for Joey & an little ornament hanging over her desk.

So….I recently purchased the Precious Moments “Mommy’s Love Goes With You” for myself & her. I am going to mail it soon because Joey became an angel on March 3 2000. I want to send a card, but I don’t know what to say. For those of you that have lost babies, what would you recommend for me to say in the card?
http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r301/mh1296/690007_m.jpg
When I told my sister I was going to mail this she didn’t think it was a good idea. She was afraid that it would stir up bad memories. I told her that I had been talking to Angelique. I told my sister that we both respect this family & would never want to hurt them. I told her with my experience & others I have read on NILMDTS it is better to acknowledge their loss than to be silent like the death of the baby never happen.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Karla]

Rayna,

That's a very beautiful gesture. I am not too good at words, but perhaps just to be simple and safe...."Thinking of you on this special day" would be appropriate.

Karla

[Rayna']

Thank you Karla. That sounds appropriate.

[Kamie]

Rayna, would you share the poem with us? I had 3 miscarriages before the birth of my son. That Precious Moments is Beautiful!!!

[Rayna']

A Year



A year of lost dreams.
A year of painful memories.

A year of intense sorrow.
A year of not wanting to see tomorrow.

A year of many tears.
A year of my greatest fears.

A year of unbearable pain.
A year of praying in vain.

A year of total despair.
A year of no rocking chair.

A year of unanswered wishes.
A year of angel kisses.

A year of wanting to hold you.
A year of not knowing if it was pretty pink boots or trucks in shades of blue.

A year of learning how to survive.
A year of learning to take one day at a time.

A year of a broken heart.
A year of not knowing where to start.

A year of unwanted advice.
A year of trying to be understanding and nice.

A year of unthinkable hopelessness.
A year of forgiveness.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Rayna,
Write and let her know that you are thinking of her and her baby Joseph.
Most of the time people let me know that they are thinking about me, and that is not what I want...I want them to think of Maddux. It means so much more to me to know that they are thinking of him....


When I told my sister I was going to mail this she didn’t think it was a good idea. She was afraid that it would stir up bad memories.
Bad memories? You have to remember, yes, even though this was a tragic time in 'our' lives, we don't have "BAD MEMORIES..."

[Deb Stoner]

I agree with Cheryl. I like it when I see Marah's name in print on a card-- That someone remembers her.

[Janeice]

Wow, Rayna-
When I got pregnant with Renny, the theme for his room was precious moments. When I lost him I searched for a figurine of precious moments to set on his memory shelf, I seen that same one and bought it for $60, just seeing the picture brings tears to my eyes. No doubt that Angelique will cry too. Happy tears. I think it is a wonderful gesture, and she will appreciate it more than anything. Aknowledgement means soo much and it sounds like that didn't happen much for her. I don't know what is appropriate to say. No words really describe the feelings I get when I look at the figurine. a mixture of love, sadness, hope, anticipation, and peace. Just tell her, as I am telling you, look forward to the day your precious baby is exchanged back into your arms, the rightfull owner, from the one who watched over him while you were apart. Peace be with you.
The other figurine I wanted to purchase, but couldn't find was a baby laying on a cloud and the quote was "safe in the arms of Jesus"
Good luck, hope I was helpful!!
Janeice

[S Jensen]

I haven't lost a baby so I am not the best one to be responding to this, but this is my opinion, for what it is worth.

What to say? Simply tell her you are thinking about Joey and her. Don't look for sayings, write from your heart. Things that you feel and that come from you will mean much more than just something that you might find on the inside of a Hallmark card. You obviously are a compassionate person. You have experienced loss, you will be unlikely to say anything that would offend her. Trust yourself, you will do fine and I am sure she will treasure the gift forever, but also the sentiment and attention you are giving her as well.

Sara

[asquad]

Janeice~~
i received the precious moment you are talking about 6 years ago when Adam was born from my brother and sister and law in Wash DC. I received the same one last April when Aaron was born from my cousin in NE KS. They both sit on my dresser with pics of both of the boys.
I would LOVE to find the "Mommy's Love Goes With You" one. I actually live 20minutes from the home-base Precious Moments Chapel that Sam Butcher started years ago. I heard rumor just last week that it will be closing down. Most all of his production is out of the country and I guess the Chapel, gift store, Fountain of Angels,etc... isn't making it financially. He does still have a motel open that I believe will stay open. Maybe he'll move his things there.
Just a little info--
Penny

[linda]

Hope you'll read this and find what God may want you to take out of it: I know it helped me find peace in sharing it!

"to all who mourn in Israel, He will give BEAUTY for ashes, JOY instead of mourning, PRAISE instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory. They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long aog destroyed. They will revive them, though they have been empty for many generations." Isaiah 61:3-4

Beauty for Ashes... In Isaiah 61, we come face-to-face with broken people; individuals who have experienced all their hopes, dreams and desires turning into nothing but dead ashes. Mourning has reached every area of their lives, and despair has kept them from moving forward. Sooner or later, each one of us experiences the pain of loss, the death of dreams, and the disabling feeling called "despair." For the Israelites, there would come a time when there was no light at the end of the tunnel, and all hope seemed but a memeory, until they would recall God's good news He had given them years earlier through the prophet Isaiah. His good news was, and STILL is, that He wants to to take ashes, mourning and despair, and in turn, replace them with BEAUTY, JOY and PRAISE!

In order for God to make you into a "strong and graceful oak" that will be used to rebuild and repair others, you must first give God your broken pieces. Hand over your hurts, disappointments, regrets, failures, depression, infiltration your life. Allow His Spirit to repair and restore you. This process may sound like a few simple steps, but for many, the areas of brokenness in our lives are deeply embedded, so giving them over to God (one at a time) will become a journey. But take heart! God WILL use your broken pieces as a means for Him to work in your life and those around you.

In 2 Corinthians 1:4, the Apostle Paul writes that God comforts us so that we might, in turn be able to comfort others with the same comfort we received from Him. You may not see any reason for the suffering you are presently experiencing, but I must assure you, God never wastes suffering. If you are willing, He will use each and ever last drop of your pain, sweat and tears, and turn them into REFRESHING springs for those around you!

If you are in a tril, moruning or pain, God has a purpose behind it, even though you might not understand it. He desires to use what you are going through to bring Him glory and to help the people around you! Give Him your ashes, mourning and despiar, and watch Him turn them MIRACULOUSLY into BEAUTY, JOY and PRAISE!!!

That said, don't be afraid to accept the fact that the Lord placed you in her life for this very reason. You've bought a precious moments figurine because you know your angel and her angel are with Our Father in Heaven. As sad as it is to have this common bond we find peace here on this web site because we come face to face with people who share our loss and love our children. I too love hearing Ethan's name. This gift your giving her can be said with words in a card or with nothing said at all. If you have no words than simply give her the gift with a hug and let her know you will never forget this special day her child went to be with our Lord. That is probably the most powerful words you could share with her. We miss our babies and fear no one else will remember them especially on their special day! I'm praying you find your words of comfort and love!! Many Blessing to you!!

[Rayna']

thank you linda. that was very beautiful.

[linda]

Your welcome, just checked out your web site. I didn't know there was that oplove.org. My husband and I are both Active Duty Air Force. Very cool!!

[lori anderson]

I agree, just tell her that she and he are both in your thoughts and prayers, that you haven't forgotten him. It will mean sooooo much to her. I never want anyone to forget my Jackson, he is as much of a part of my family as my kids on earth.
You are doing the right thing, don't question yourself. Your heart is in the right place.
Lori

[Rayna']

this is the email Angelique sent to me:

Dear Rayna,
You were so very sweet and thoughtful to send such a precious figurine. I love it. I haven't seen anything like it. I already have it displayed with several other precious moments figures. It is amazing that you sent it this week. I had just gone by the cemetary on Friday. I hadn't been in a while. I will treasure it.

How are you doing? You seem to be keeping yourself very busy.
Thank you so very much.
Angelique

[Karla]

Rayna, all your doubts put to rest. Just proves that your heart is in the right place. I do believe that I could learn from this, ............just follow my heart sometimes!!

I am really happy that you decided to send Angelique the figurine. Got anymore that you want to send............to me???? LOL.

Love,
karla

[Rayna']

I wish I could give them to all my NILMDTS families but it cost $50. I wish they would give us a discount.

[Erica Stone]

Rayna'

I know that I would love it if someone had done anything like that for me. I know that she appreciated it so much - you are a special person!

[Jordan]

Rayna - that figurine is beautiful and precious. My mom and dad bought it for me before we lost Jordan (we knew we were going to lose her). The timing of when they gave it to me was perfect. The first time I saw them after they bought it was the day after I had/lost Jordan. God works in beautiful ways.

Linda - Thank you so much for your references from the bible. This is something I have been looking for for when we do Jordan's service. This is perfect.