Karla
03-07-2007, 10:08 AM
I just cannot accept that my baby is not here!!!! I know that it's been one year and four months, actually today Cydney Paige would have been one year and four months!!! I desperately wish that I could reverse time. If only I could do something to change things, so that she would be here today. I see all the marvels of medicine, a baby as big as a fountain pen surviving, how come my daughter could not make it?? Why didn't the doctors consider all the possibilities for her.....heart transplant??? immediate airlift to Florida??Why were they so complacent??? Couldn't they have moved faster, with more urgency??? Here is a life, a life that could have made a big difference in this world, she started with mine, and I know that having her in my life would have have been a tremendous thing, the love and joy I can only dream off now would have enveloped my life, bringing out the best in me, the impact she would have had for our family life, bringing us back to enjoying the simpler things that life has to offer, softening Daddy's heart, teaching her big brother to be more caring, sharing, patient................. These are the things that have been lost, if only............
I cannot accept it, I feel myself living life "backwards", I go through the days as if I am out on a mission..........to make time go back. I feel so lost without Cydney Paige, so defeated in this world, here I am, not wanting mansions or fancy cars, only hoping that I could have a happy family that I could nurture and love, so tell me again: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Everyday I see people trample upon others, viciously seeking out what they want regardless of who they hurt and they get it!!!! They seem to be contented and happy in their achievements. So how does it really work?? Could someone tell me how to go about getting what I want in life???
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt so blessed, I really believed then that God was rewarding me, that he new that my heart was in the right place, now I don't know what to make of this. The person who has hurt my life the most has triumphed once again. I feel betrayed, I feel punished. Many days I wonder if people are not right when they say that I am being punished for the bad things I did in this life or in a past life if there was one.
I wish so desperately that I could get some answers, I feel so broken, tired and bruised. My heart hurts so much for the innocent love my daughter would have offered me. I know how selfish I sound just thinking of myself and not her, but in my times of sanity, I know that I have to move on, but I also know how easier and lighter moving on would have been if she were here.
I love her so very much, my sweet angel.
Cydney Paige's MOM
Karla
I cannot accept it, I feel myself living life "backwards", I go through the days as if I am out on a mission..........to make time go back. I feel so lost without Cydney Paige, so defeated in this world, here I am, not wanting mansions or fancy cars, only hoping that I could have a happy family that I could nurture and love, so tell me again: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Everyday I see people trample upon others, viciously seeking out what they want regardless of who they hurt and they get it!!!! They seem to be contented and happy in their achievements. So how does it really work?? Could someone tell me how to go about getting what I want in life???
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt so blessed, I really believed then that God was rewarding me, that he new that my heart was in the right place, now I don't know what to make of this. The person who has hurt my life the most has triumphed once again. I feel betrayed, I feel punished. Many days I wonder if people are not right when they say that I am being punished for the bad things I did in this life or in a past life if there was one.
I wish so desperately that I could get some answers, I feel so broken, tired and bruised. My heart hurts so much for the innocent love my daughter would have offered me. I know how selfish I sound just thinking of myself and not her, but in my times of sanity, I know that I have to move on, but I also know how easier and lighter moving on would have been if she were here.
I love her so very much, my sweet angel.
Cydney Paige's MOM
Karla