Finally happened to me...

[Cheryl Haggard]

And it was someone in my family. (not my husband, by the way) Saying something insensitive...He told me I needed to stop using Maddux as a crutch. If I could have reached through the telephone, I think I would have slapped him silly. Women have shared with me stories regarding their experience, and some of the insensitive things people have said, and until now, I could only imagine how hurt they felt. But again, until it happens to you, you really don't know the pain. My feelings are very hurt. And I am VERY angry. Mory angry that hurt...

Please remember that each person grieves differently. Some people may shut themselves off from friends and family, some may go headstrong and do something productive with their grief, and some may do both. Please remember, that a parent may seem to be having a great day, and the next day, things fall apart. Don't assume that just because some days are great, that they are healed. I will always grieve my son. My heart will always be broken. I will always think that things should be different. (I shouldn't be here typing this to you. I should be doing baby things...family things...)

I think of Maddux as often as I think of my other children, and I always will...

[Kirk Kief]

There is so much that I want to say, and so little that I can say about people's insensitivities. Nothing can be said that will make you any less angry about the multitude of frivolous statements that you have heard already, and will hear in the future. Just feel compassion for those that say these things because they never had the opportunity to meet and know Maddux. Only a chosen few had that blessing. And those few were handpicked by God, himself.

[Erica Stone]

All I can say is that the people who say these kinds of insensitive things are ignorant. Not in a bad way, but in a way that fortunately for them, they have not had the experience. I only had a few people say things to me (they thought they were being helpful), but it certainly didn't make me feel any better. I wouldn't wish our experiences on anyone, but I admit I wish there was a way to make them see how it has truly affected ourselves and our families. Unless you have lived it, you will never comprehend it. I'm sorry you were made so angry, Cheryl.

[Angela B]

Oh Cheryl i'm sorry to hear that and I want you to know I admire you for taking the time to help others in this unfortunate situation that so many have gone through! I don't believe anyone can know your pain until they've gone through it!I'm still praying for your healing ~You are a wonderful person

[Tammy]

Cheryl,
Is this family member aware of all you have accomplished because of Maddux? Does he know how many families you have helped simply because you have shared your story and memories of your beautiful baby? Is he aware of how dedicated you are, and how you selflessly give yourself to other families to help them through their grief and by doing these things, helps you deal with your own grief?
I hardly think this is using Maddux as a "crutch". A crutch for what?!? I'm sorry, but I feel a statement like that is so disrespectful.
Personally, I have had many... many comments made that have hurt me, (I realize they were not intentional) but nothing like that! Think I would have hung up the phone right then and there.
There are two options. One, let it go, forget about it and move forward or two, call that person and confront him how you feel about what he said. He may not be aware of his insensitivity, so make him aware of it. That's what I would do...

[Deb Stoner]

I hear what you all are saying. I have had insensitive comments made to me as well. "Why are you STILL crying over this?" "I'm sorry to hear about your baby, but did I tell you I'm going to be a new grandma?" UUUGH! I have also had people who were just aquaintences make comments that just brightened my day-"I thought of Marah today and said a little prayer." "Marah has touched so many lives. I hug my children a little closer now." etc. Sometimes I keep my mouth shut and some days I just let those people with rude comments just have it!

[Karla]

I am sitting here reading all this and wondering why we have to deal with such insensitiveness in addition to our own pain? I have had a close friend tell me that I have to move on without the baggage! How could she refer to my baby as baggage? I get angrier as the days go by, my daughter could never be baggage. I would never consider going on without her, she will always be a part of our lives, my husband, my son and mine. what I have come to realise is that we as a family are the only ones who know what we go through and are each others support. We love Cydney Paige each day more and more, and she continues to bless us with a love that grew from the very moment she came into our lives. How could we leave that behind?
karla

[George]

And it was someone in my family. (not my husband, by the way) Saying something insensitive...He told me I needed to stop using Maddux as a crutch...

On one hand, I want to say we should sympathize with the ignorant because they have never lost a child and cannot possibly know the pain. On the other, I would have hung up the phone and there would be one less relative I'd be on speaking terms with.

Until someone has lost a child, they have no right to criticize how you handle the death of your child. Someone who has lost a child would never criticize.

[HAINAngel2000]

Cheryl i am in line to SLAP him too! How dare he anyway. You have done so much for others that NEED you and what you offer. I couldn't imagine how you must feel, sadly I have had mean words said to me as well. (many but will list 1)

A lady wrote me an email one time, telling me I was a dictator (Like SADDOM) and how "she was sure I was a nice person, and how she could run the charity better then me and how I should let her take over the charity" (because I wouldn't let he run a section)

People can be pretty cruel and mean spirited. HAIN was started in my daughters memory, I wasn't a professional, i wasn't seeking a popularity contest or trying to show the world how big I could be. I was simply reaching out to the hurting as you are.

God put certain people to do certain things and He put you here to help others that are hurting. It is painful so much to lose a baby, the loss hurts daily! But sadly with out little Maddux going to see God Now I lay me Down to sleep wouldn't be here to touch Millions of lives. Its through Maddux that this is possible! You are a wonderful lady and God is with you.

Please be assured this man will see his heart one day and he will then know the truth.

Mary
I am behind you 100%

[carissa13]

Wow is all I can say to that comment, they obviously have never lost a child! My son passed away 2 weeks ago so I go back to work in 4 weeks and I'm terrified because of this exact thing. What are the stupid comments going to be when they see me. You can just have another baby, time heals all wounds (they don't understand it doesn't not heal this wound), at least you didn't know him (like the 9 months I carried him meant nothing). I am so thankful you have created this website because you made it possible for me and my family to make wonderful memories with my son. My pain is still very fresh but the pictures I have get me through the hard days and that is because of you and your loss. Thank you for making this website and I'm sure well all would like to help you slap this person silly!