Does it get better?

[Hailey and Logans Daddy]

It has only been 2 weeks since Hailey passed. I have become very good at lying to my co workers and family and telling them I am doing ok and that I am ready to be out in the world. Inside though I am dying every day it seems gets harder and harder. Everyday drags on and on as I find myself wanting to drive to the hospital to see her like I used to every day for 2 months. They say time makes it better but how do you get through the days to let that time go by? I feel like a weak person and a horrible husband because if I cant help myself than how can I be there to support her? I want her back so bad but I know she is much better off not being in pain. Sorry guys for the rant just having a real rough week.

[Melinda Butler]

Hailey's Dad~
I hurt for you... I can't imagine the pain you're going through. The photos of your beautiful family brought me to tears even before I read your heartfelt words~ Hailey is very lucky to have you for a Daddy :)

Rant all you want~ you have every reason to

[calvin's mother]

Dear Hailey's Dad,
Anyone who says 'in time it gets better' has probably never lost a child. And please don't tell people your okay if your not...at least not right now when it is all so new..After 6 months of being without Calvin I know sometimes I tell certain prople i'm okay..but if I'm having a bad day I say so and there is no reason you should'nt either. You are not being weak if you allow people to know how you are feeling..the people around you need to know so they can be there for you and your wife. You are most definately not a horrible husband either. I found great comfort with my husband in sharing our grief..it made me feel like I wasn't the only one reeling around in my head..I have heard it said "the more you love, the worse the pain.." All of us here can tell you are a wonderful husband and exceptional father.I'm sorry to say that the pain never truly goes away. There will come a point when you will have good days and bad days...the bad days will be farther and fewer and the good ones will be more...But for now, for you, for your wife, for Hailey, you need to let yourself greive. And yes, at some point you will be able to smile and your heart will sing for Hailey instead of cry...But for now sweet-father, let it cry.
Please know, there is never anything here considered ranting..not on this forum...it is only feelings you express..I pray for you and your family..we are all here for you.......God Bless

[Lyssa Sauer]

Haileys Daddy I hate to tell you this but it is going to get worse before it gets better. I lost Payton 3 months tomarrow and I think some things are just now hitting me. It is okay not to be okay and this one took a long time for me to grasp because I was always the strong one, I didnt let others know how I was feeling, anymore I am not afraid to say I am having a horrible day week, even life at this point. Express to your wife how you feel dont lie to her. You too need to greive together if anything good should come out of loosing a child it is the bonding of the two parents who lost her. That is the one good thing I can truly say came out of loosing my son. The anniversary days have been the hardest on me he was born on the 4 passed away on the 16 and was buried on the 23 so on those days I just antisapate a horrible leave me alone day. We are here for you when you need to get anything off your chest or just feel like you want to be heard. I think everyone of us has done it and still continue to do it. May God fill your broken heart with a little bit of clarity. Lyssa

[Sandra Dolny]

Hailey's Dad.....I'm so sorry for your pain...I too lost my baby daughter in March. I believe that in time the hurt won't be so raw. I pray that you and your wife find peace through this difficult time of great loss, and my prayers are with you.

[Karla]

Dear Hailey's Dad,

Please don't say that you are a horrible husband. I am a mom who lost her daughter, one year and almost six months ago, actually next week Nov 7th, she would have been 1 year six months, next week the days are the same , the day she was born, the day she returned to heaven all as though it was a year and a half ago, I call it her week of life, she was born Monday Nov 7th, and went to heaven Sat Nov 12th, the same as next week. The pain is still raw, but what hurts the most now??? My husband has gone about life without a hint of emotion, as though she did not ever entered our lives. I know that he must hurt, but what makes him feel that he needs to be a rock??? Your pain makes you human, and as a wife who is grieving, it touches me more to know that my husband feels even just a little of what I feel that I am not alone in my pain. I feel that that is even more support to your wife than being a solid emotionless rock. I am sure she feels the same way about going to visit Hailey in the hospital, I do feel so about my daughter Cydney Paige. Actually, and selfishly I felt a certain sense of "security" knowing that she was there, I could have seen her and touch her. I know in my heart that it's better that she is in heaven, but I miss her dearly.

Hailey's Dad, rant as much as you want, talk to your wife, cry with your wife, maybe time will make it better, I certainly cannot reassure you of that, I have found myself in a worse off position than soon after, I believe that I am now coming to the harsh reality of my loss, but some say to me that it is still early for me.

My warmest regards to you and your family.
Karla

[Cheryl Haggard]

In a book I just read called "Lament for a Son" the author starts out writing 'that if his son was worth loving, he is worth grieving.' Those words ring so true.

In past times when a person mourned the death of a loved one, they wore black, for weeks, months, even years. This was a way to symbolize their grief and to let others know that they were mourning.

In todays society, most people think, why mourn the death of a baby. We really didn't get to know them, right? WRONG!!!

We need something to symbolize our grief, and wear it! To let others know that we mourn the death of one of our greatest loves in our lives...

My personal pain now, is not as 'raw' as it was when Maddux first died. But it is still there. Somedays are better than others, and somedays it is as fresh as it was when he died.

To Haileys Daddy, Cry with your wife but don't forget to celebrate with your wife, the gift that Hailey has given you. You are mommy and daddy now to a special angel. You are blessed.

[Cheryl Haggard]

And to answer you question, Does it get better?

Life does not get better. Life just goes on. Life does not return to normal...It is up to you and your wife to find the 'new normal' now. Not the life that you had before, but a new life after Hailey. An adjustment on life. Does that make sense?

Know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers...
Cheryl

[Karla]

Cheryl,

I am always eager to read your posts, they are always so helpful. All that you have said to Hailey's Dad is true, I wish others could see it this way, even just a little bit. I always get silence when I try to speak about Cydney Paige, most times I am bursting with eagerness to talk about her, it's like I am almost wanting to say to anyone around "ask me about her", so I could share my little angel. It is so lonely not to be able to talk about her, to get the silent treatment, or "it's time to move on".

But most interesting about you wrote is: "We need something to symbolize our grief, and wear it! To let others know that we mourn the death of one of our greatest loves in our lives..."

I did some ribbons for Cydney for her memorial, and I would love to wear it everyday, not for sympathy, but because I love and cherish her, and I always want to acknowledge her in my life. She was here and will always be a part of my life.

I agree too, that life is now a new life, one we must learn to get used to. I hurt so much, that sometimes I get impatient that this "In time it would get better" seems to never be around or even somewhere in my near future. Some days can be really good, and then you just fall flat and never can seem to get up.

Thank you all on this site for your prayers, thoughts and support over the last year.

Karla

[linda]

You rant any time that's what were here for. We can read these threads and relate, so please know that your never alone and were here to try to pick you up when your down. Two weeks have passed and it seems still like yesterday - I remember thinking when will this pain go away or will it? The truth is you'll have simple reminders the rest of your life of the child whose hands you do not hold but whose heart you hold forever.

You and your wife will find your way to share the loss of Hailey. It took my husband and I about 3 months for it to really sink in with eachother. I grieve different from him and vise versa...we are just now realizing how very blessed we are that we were patient with eachother. Give eachother that time and see where that leads you. Also, you are a wonderful husband I'm sure, your here doing your best to figure this out...THAT SAYS LOTS! Your wife appreciates the emotion you have I'm sure.

Many Blessings! PS I love your photo avatar, what an awesome picture!

[Lindzy Foster]

Kaydence has been gone just over 3 months now and sometimes I just wonder how we are going to make it thru the rest of the year...Last month the shock started wearing off and the absolute pain of it all started to set in and I was a blubbering mess everyday, I barely left the house at all...Then I had a few "signs" from my sweet girl and I started to feel a little bit of peace, but everyone is different and my mood seems to change in an instant, emotion seems to come in waves, I hate that i cant even remember when bills are due anymore, or remember where i put something i will spend days looking for an item and it was right there in front of me all along....but I am blessed that i have 3 older children who keep me busy and keep me at least trying to be "normal" ...but the pain is still there, raw and lingering under the surface, mine comes out at night when i am alone, or when im in the shower and i can cry, or in my dreams, I dream of Kaydence, of being with and holding her and then i wake up every morning and feel the cold hard slap of reality that it was just a dream and my precious baby girl is gone...I am a very different person than i was last year or even 6 months ago....I believe it is like Cheryl said we all have to find the "new normal" the person that we are now...but during the journey we are all here for one another....here to "talk" or to just listen....
Lindzy

[anr0014]

I think a good way to wear something that helps is this...

Someone from work sent me a Saint Jacob necklace and I wear it every day and any time I am having a bad day or need a little support I can hold on tight to my necklace and remember what it was like to hold Jake, remember what it felt like when he opened his big blue eyes and how he held onto mine and Chris's hands. It has been 7 weeks and 4 days since Jake was born and went to heaven. Some days I am ok and then others I don't even want to get out of bed. But it helps to know I have my own angel with me every where I go.