It seems to hit me the day before

[Rayna']

I was doing pretty good until tonight. Everytime there is a holiday or a due date or anniversary of a miscarriage, I get sad. I thought since my meds are on the right track I would be ok for tomorrow. Augh.. I haven't felt like this in over a month (i think) which is a long time for me. I am such a control freak and this is something I can not control.

I hope everyone here gets through tomorrow ok.....

[linda]

Hang in there Rayna! I have had a ****** day too! It sucks doesn't it? I'm probably not the best person to be responding right now as I've cried all day. So I guess all I can say is I know how bad it hurts and your not alone!

[Lindzy Foster]

And i will just join right in on the "this day really sucked" group...first mothers day without Kaydence and thinking i should be celebrating with all four kids not 3...went to get groceries today and was over picking some things up for my 2 year old and turn around and am in the baby food aisle...darin said something bout wondering whether the baby food actually tasted good and how he wished Kaydence were here to taste it with him...i took one look at the "Hawaiian Delight" which was my fav with other kids and started bawling thinking bout how i wont get to see that face babies make the first time they try a new baby food....needless to say i got some strange looks as i cried whole time we were in the check out aisle....

[linda]

Hey Ladies,

If you read this today, I just wanted to say try to have a good day! I'm up making coffee about to watch the news then later we'll head to my friends for a BBQ that should be a nice distraction.

[jaiew]

mark me down for having a bad day. Careys due date was May 10 so i thought he would be here for at least one. My first mothers day and I dont have my little man. :(

[linda]

Well I can't seem to get out of my funk, you'd think the hour I had alone this morning would have helped but instead I started to clean the house like a mad women. Which for me means I'm angry. Now I keep snapping at my husband and son. Lord, help me stop being so darn nasty! Hopefully when we leave for the BBQ I'll feel better!

[Rayna']

I am the same way...if I am mad or have anxiety I clean the house & you better not talk to me! I'm not feeling down today like last night...I just feel drained of energy. Like I am totally worn out for no reason!

I hope the days get better for everyone. If I weren't on meds I would so bed in my bed crying hystirecally (is that a word?).

[Rayna']

I tried so hard not to be depressed. I don't think I am but then why is it I have zero energy? I don't want to be this way. I want to think "positive". I want to "be grateful for what I have", but I can't help missing "what I don't have". I don't have my two babies. I am very thankful for coleman, but dang it I can't make my body stop reacting this way. I am faking it on the outside but my body is telling me the truth....I am sad & I miss my babies.

[Lindzy Foster]

im sad right along with you....tried to have good day went to park with kids and then to movie...but my patience seems to be very short today and the kids not behaving the best but trying to stay calm...so far been able to handle it but did have blow out fight with darin, he knows i am sad but just doesnt get how bad a day it really is...and his aunts and uncles planned a dinner with his mom( who by the way i picked out a very nice card for mothers day and her birthday which was this week and she didnt even wish me happy mothers day when saw her) and they expect him to be there even though i really need him to stay with me...so i got cranky with him, i know he needs to see his family but today is not good day and this made it worse and now i am so angry at him for not understanding....sorry for the rant just really mad!!

[jaiew]

planted a tree for my little man, and my next door neighbor a good friend , bought me a solar light to shine on Carey's tree. made me feel good that someone other than todd aknowledged me today.:)

[linda]

That is wonderful Jaie, I love that you now have something to look at while you reflect on your precious little man. PS, I could just hug your neighbor, we need more neighbors like them. Ask them if they can move to CO? :D

[Lyssa Sauer]

I hope that by today everyone is feeling a little better and not so down and angry. I truly felt the same way on mother day. I wish I could post something that would make you all smile but it seems like my sense of humor has run dry. I want to say Happy Mothers Day to everyone and also big hugs for everyone. My God bring us all a little peace this week.

[anr0014]

Oh I have a great story for everyone. One of my closest friends picked us up from the airport Sunday morning... this is after I have been crying all morning on the airplane and in the airport (some days I think I am losing it). She thought it was a great idea to tell me that a friend of ours had her baby while I was on vacation and that she had been over at her house almost every night playing with the baby. Never once was it mentioned that this was my mother's day also. Some people are just so insensitive. Happy Mothers Day to me!

[linda]

Some people don't get it - ok let me re phrase that - most people don't get it!!!!!!! It's the ones we love the most that hurt us the most. I have stories too, I guess the best way to deal with them is to either let it go or share your true feelings and see where that takes you. I find great comfort in sharing how I feel. It educates my closest friends and although it's nearly been a year, I do find comfort in the fact that most are getting NOW!

[Lyssa Sauer]

Anr I am so sorry some people just dont get it and I am sorry nothing was said to you. Sometimes those closes to you can do hurtfull thing without know it. I hope that you find a little peace today and know that you are a mommy to a very special child.

[jaiew]

anr0014, got one kinda like that. the day after we laid Carey to rest some neighbors from down the street stopped by bright and early. These are people we didnt really talk with, unless they needed something. So we open the door and they are standing there with a big basket of baby gifts and their 1 yr old son. Now todd and i almost fell over. they asked if we had had the baby and we said yes and that we lost him shortly after. she looked horrified, but her husband didnt seem to get it, he starts asking if we delivered him, and we wanted to say no he just magicly disapeared out of my body. then he asks if todd would like to hold his baby, and we say no and something about having burried our son yesterday. they then still stood there trying to talk about work and anything else. finally they left. must have seen the horns growing out of my head by that point. after crying for a half hour we just laughed and couldnt stop laughing, knowing that this is something that could only happen to us. we actually still somehow can laugh about it, because some people REALLY are stupid. :D

[linda]

I have a similar story, we lived in Nebraska and a girl down the street (young girl with two kids, the little girl being about 4 months old). Stopped me as I was going for a walk. It had been about one week. You still couldn't tell I had my baby because I was still fat and swollen. She asked how I was, so stupid me I thought maybe she knew. So I said, it's been such a terrible week. It's so hard to deal with. She looked at me buzzled! Then I said, Oh mercy, did you know we lost Ethan? Again, looking buzzled, she said No, but continued her NO with I've had a horrible week too!

Needless to say, I walked away for fear of punching her straight in the face and I'm not a violent person oh but that day I could have knocked her lights out! Ha I never talked to her again...and we moved shortly after that.