Karla
05-16-2007, 11:12 AM
What exacty is meant by such a question/ statement, asked incredulously to a bereaved mother???
What is expected of us? Is their a manual written on getting over a loss? And is there a given time limit? What if one of us goes over that time limit??
Well, it is clear to me that having lost my daughter, the world just keeps getting to have a more dismal outlook each day. I can honestly say that I understand that the only ones who can truly empathise are the ones who sadly have experienced a loss, but does that really give those who have not, the right to think that they are so smart, have all the right answers for us and know what's best for us?
I am tired of being told to let go of "BAGGAGE", that's my daughter, I carried her for nine months, I looked forward to holding her, and everything that mothers do, she is not baggage!!! I am tired of being told it's a long time now, or no one really got to know her, she was just a baby!! God, how I hate the world now, is this a part of the journey where you start avoiding everyone?? Do I have to apologise for talking about her? Do I have to erase the event from my memory and forget that for nine months I was pregnant, and if the normal course of events took place, I'll be holding a baby girl 18 months old, who will delight the very people who find me annoying? Am I clinically depressed because I asked a friend to look at Cydney Paige's slideshow, that Kirk so lovingly put together for me?
Many of my dear friends who were by my side when Cydney Paige was in the hospital, and after, have not spoken to me in months, could this really be a message to me that I should forget? I do believe that I try to get up and move on, I am back to school, I look after my family, I go places with them even when I do not feel up to it, why should it always have to be me making the effort? Life is hard enough everyday, the grief that hits you sometimes when you least expect it, can throw us off so badly, why is there no understanding? Why not give a hug or a reassuring squeeze of the hand instead?
I am in total disbelief that life could become so dismal now. I do not even understand how people cannot come to appreciate love more than material things after all this. What I would not give up to have my daughter with me? I wish I could runaway from the world now, as if the loss of a child is not a big enough ordeal, I have to be judged as pining away in self pity, I feel like I am being crucified.
I can go on and on, but I think that I have vented enough for today. So I'll try harder to steer clear of all the fortunate parents who I would never wish such an experience upon.
Karla.
I will never ever try to erase such a beautiful and wonderful memory, Cydney Paige.
What is expected of us? Is their a manual written on getting over a loss? And is there a given time limit? What if one of us goes over that time limit??
Well, it is clear to me that having lost my daughter, the world just keeps getting to have a more dismal outlook each day. I can honestly say that I understand that the only ones who can truly empathise are the ones who sadly have experienced a loss, but does that really give those who have not, the right to think that they are so smart, have all the right answers for us and know what's best for us?
I am tired of being told to let go of "BAGGAGE", that's my daughter, I carried her for nine months, I looked forward to holding her, and everything that mothers do, she is not baggage!!! I am tired of being told it's a long time now, or no one really got to know her, she was just a baby!! God, how I hate the world now, is this a part of the journey where you start avoiding everyone?? Do I have to apologise for talking about her? Do I have to erase the event from my memory and forget that for nine months I was pregnant, and if the normal course of events took place, I'll be holding a baby girl 18 months old, who will delight the very people who find me annoying? Am I clinically depressed because I asked a friend to look at Cydney Paige's slideshow, that Kirk so lovingly put together for me?
Many of my dear friends who were by my side when Cydney Paige was in the hospital, and after, have not spoken to me in months, could this really be a message to me that I should forget? I do believe that I try to get up and move on, I am back to school, I look after my family, I go places with them even when I do not feel up to it, why should it always have to be me making the effort? Life is hard enough everyday, the grief that hits you sometimes when you least expect it, can throw us off so badly, why is there no understanding? Why not give a hug or a reassuring squeeze of the hand instead?
I am in total disbelief that life could become so dismal now. I do not even understand how people cannot come to appreciate love more than material things after all this. What I would not give up to have my daughter with me? I wish I could runaway from the world now, as if the loss of a child is not a big enough ordeal, I have to be judged as pining away in self pity, I feel like I am being crucified.
I can go on and on, but I think that I have vented enough for today. So I'll try harder to steer clear of all the fortunate parents who I would never wish such an experience upon.
Karla.
I will never ever try to erase such a beautiful and wonderful memory, Cydney Paige.