Two weeks ago

[carissa13]

Two weeks ago I woke up in labor. I layed on the couch until 4am, wondering if it was real this time. I had already had false labor 2 times. My boyfriend and I where at the hospital and I was laying in a bed by 4:45am, it was real, I was dilated to 4cm. I was 36 weeks and 4 days, my doctors couldn't believe my sweet boy made it this far. We were so excited to finally see our son. Even in our fear, we still were happy. We chose life for our son and he was ready to come into this world. All I asked for during that long 16 weeks of knowing my baby would not live very long was for him to be born alive. Our son was born alive, opened his eyes to look at the two people that have talked to him for so many weeks and gave us a few little cries. He tried to breath but since he did not have amniotic fluid he did not have enough lung development to live outside of me, it was his day of birth but also his day to return as one of Gods angels. I cut his umbilical cord that day, I thought it had to be done but did not understand at that moment what it would mean. It used to make me sad to think I "cut" his lifeline from me but that is not it, I set him free, I let my sweet boy go. He was here on earth with us for a little more than an hour before his little heart stopped beating. We had him baptised when he was still alive and he took his last try for breath when his daddy finally got to hold him. Our heart aches for our son, we miss him so much but we know that God makes no mistakes. In 13 hours from right now will be 2 weeks since our son came to us. I miss holding him, we kept him with us for about every minute of the 21 hours we were there after his birth. I wish so much I could feel him in my arms again. I know I will see him again in Heaven someday but it hurts so much right now.

[AngieGottsch]

I am thanking God for His love and mercy to answer your prayer that Jarell was born alive and you had that precious time and memories with him. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs to you, and hold on to the hope of seeing him in heaven!
Blessings!
Angie

[Lyssa Sauer]

Carissa I am so sorry that you had such little time and although this is a confusing time you hit the nail on the head..God only takes the best and your sweet guy was one of them. I know the pain the hurt the confusion the longing and I would like to tell you it will get better and in a way it does but I think we just find a new norm and we find ways of coping. Your son will always be with you and you will charish that little time you did have you wont forget and if that is one thing no one can take from us its our memories. I am sending you prayers for answers and a little peace. Lyssa

[Lindzy Foster]

thank you for sharing carissa, thinking and praying for you....

[George]

Carissa,

I am always deeply touched by all the stories I read here. Each is special and moving in it's own way.

Thank you for sharing your story. My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family.

[linda]

Carissa,
Praying for you today and asking God to touch your spirit and lift you up!

[jaiew]

carissa, im so sorry to hear of your loss. my little carey received his wings one month ago yesterday. i too found out early in my pregnancy, and i too cherish those few cries that he had. my thoughts are with you and yes i too truely believe that we will see our little ones again and be able to pick up where we left off. your little one has many many friends. if you ever need to talk or scream or rant please call me anytime 623-217-7130.

[Dave Cisco]

This seems particularly close to home...My daughter delivered 1 year ago and almost lost her child...this was her first and last opportunity..she was 37 at the time. My daughter's name is Carissa.:)

[Rayna']

Carissa,

I am always deeply touched by all the stories I read here. Each is special and moving in it's own way.

Thank you for sharing your story. My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family.


I agree. Every parent's story on here moves me.

[Naomi]

I am so sorry.....

[tinantravis]

Loved the part of cutting the umbilical cord...beautiful.
What a touching story. So sorry for your loss.