carissa13
06-12-2007, 02:32 AM
My family lives out of town and when my son was born (3 1/2 weeks ago) only my sister and niece could make it to the hospital. I have not seen my mom, dad, brother or brother in law since before my son was born. Today I'm going to see my family which means I have to leave my house and travel out of town and I'm terrified. I think what scares me the most is leaving the protection of my own home. I love my family and I want to see them but to have to look into their sad eyes is a lot for me to handle right now, it's hard enough to deal with how I feel each day. I'm sure it will be a fine visit and I'll calm down once I'm there. My mom was out of town when my son was born and she is still very upset that she did not get to hold her grandson, more like riddled with guilt and I don't know how to help her. I keep telling her God did not intend for her to be there. My loss is so great and so fresh, I'm scared I will have nothing to give them right now. I"ve been working on a scrapbook that I will bring for them to see, it shows our sadness but also our happiness. The hour and 15 minutes my son lived was a blessing and will forever be treasured and that is what you see when you look in the pages of my scrapbook.