Overwhelmed

[Jordan]

I am not sure where to start unloading.....I don't want to sound like I am complaining but I am just overwhelmed and don't know where to turn or what to figure out first. We are having Jordan's burial service this Saturday. I am just getting myself worked up over it because my in-laws are coming out of town to stay with us for a little over a week. I am just overwhelmed with them coming. We don't see eye to eye on things. He didn't agree that we cremated Jordan. He is a pastor and I asked him 'does the Bible say if cremamtion is wrong?'. His reply was 'since you asked my opinion I do not believe in it'. Well that was not the question. He is doing Jordan's service and it will be interesting how that goes. We have run across a goofy situation with burying Jordan. Her ashes fit into a dixie cup size urn. We talked to the sexton at the cemetery and they charge $200 during M-F for digging a hole for buring her urn and $500 on weekends. My husband wants to bring his post hole digger and did it himself=) Oh well...it was just a shock to hear that amount of money. We are going to have her buried on Saturday at the time of the service - 11am Saturday.

I work at my son's daycare in MN. Friday night I recieved a phone call that one of our parents (mom) had passed away in a tragic car accident. This is a family that I have known since I started working there over 3 1/2 yr ago. I have become friends with them. She felt so bad when we lost Jordan. She (alone - 2 kids and husband didn't go with) was going to Florida to attend her uncle's funeral. The family had held off on the funeral so that she could go. She is a school teacher and her last day was last thursday. She left Thursday night, had a delay at the airport, arrived late thursday night in Florida 1:30am (friday). Her mother and her mother's boyfriend picked her up at the airport. They were leaving the airport and were hit head on by a driver driving down the wrong side of the road on an interstate. All died - they hit so hard that there was an explosion. She left behind a husband, a 5 yr and a 3 yr. This family is a wonderful family that would do anything for anyone. I have had each of the kids in the infant room and have watched them grow up. She will be greatly missed. Her service was Monday in Florida and another one in MN for friends and family on Saturday.

On a bright note I had my 10 week appointment (last friday) and we heard a heartbeat! My doctor said that it sounded really good. My next appointment is July 6th and he has ordered an ultrasound to help my anxiety. She suggested it not me - very thankful for!

Like I said I am just overwhelmed and needed to unload. My husband is not helping much either and there are a few things that are on my parents plate that are overwhelming them and it doesn't help for this weekend. I know there is no control over somethings in life or the timing but things add up. Tomorrow is another day and things will hopefully look better. Thanks for listening.

Kim

[marylouise]

Kim, sending you HUGE Hugs.

[Tasha Nicholls]

Her ashes fit into a dixie cup size urn. We talked to the sexton at the cemetery and they charge $200 during M-F for digging a hole for buring her urn and $500 on weekends. Kim

Sheesh, I understand the need for the cemetery to make money, but $500? I hate it when people take advantage of others who are going through such tragedy and grief.

I am sorry about your friend. I can't imagine how hard it's been on you in addition to everything else.

Good luck with the service and in-laws, I'm sure it'll be wonderful.

Take Care!
Tasha

[Brooke]

Hi Kim,

I'm so sorry to hear your stressed out and sad, which you have every reason to be. I'll say a prayer tonight for the family who loss a mother/wife. How very tragic and sad. I'm sorry for your loss of a dear friend also.

That really is too bad that the cemetary won't make an exception for you. We were fortunate to know the cemetary director and he let us dig our own hole and even set and place Emma's headstone in the ground. That did save us about $200-$400 dollars. Maybe you could still try to contact the cemetary director and see if they would bend the rules a little for you.

That is great about your 10 week appointment and hearing the heartbeat. Hearing the heart beat really brings a pregnancy into perspective and makes it feel real. Now just wait until you start to feel those first fluttering movements. That is even better and more reassurance. My little guy is active all the time now at 23 weeks, which I just love.

Well, Hang in there and good luck on Saturday with Jordan's funeral. I"ll be thinking of you and your family.

Love,

Brooke-Mommy to Carter, Ethan, & Angel Emma

[jaiew]

so sorry to hear that you are stressed and upset. i completely understand planning the service for carey was a very stressful event. just remember when it comes to the service do what you want and do it for your little one. dont do something because someone else wants it done a certain way. this is your day to celebrate your child and you and your husban are what matters. if your worried about what your father might say find out first what he is planning to say or tell him what you want said. Todd and i wrote letters to Carey and had them read outloud so we had complete control over the service.
with the money situation we asked the two grandmas to send flowers and the rest of the family instead of sending flowers to send money to help with costs and for the stone. it might help to take some of your stress away.
stay strong and remember this day is for you!!!!

[calvin's mother]

Kim..DON'T stress yourself out because of other people. I understand everything is hurting right now but DO NOT let family stress you. I'm not sure what religion you are but my pastor just recently told us(lutheran), that there is nothing in the bible about cremation. This may come out wierd so everyone forgive me but he had said in a sermon that when Jesus returns the dead will rise again and I thought about my dad because he is cremated so I asked him about it and when you think about the fact that people die in unfortunate and sad ways...and I'm sorry to say this part but for instance in fires or something where there really are no remains, is God not going rise them with everyone else? God can do anything. Of course he will make them whole again. I hope this didn't offend anyone, sometimes I'm not so good at the explaining part. But does that make sense? Oh, Kim my heart goes out to you...just remember everything you have done for Jordan is the right thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Remember I'm only a phone call away...Hugs Leah

[Jordan]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support. I will update next week after the service. I hope I can make it through the weekend and bite my tongue with my father in law. I don't want to start a war with them while they are here. I am looking forward to a four day weekend. I need a break from work also. Plus I can now admit I am a mommy's girl. My parents live 4 hours away (where we are burying Jordan) and I can't wait to see her and spend time with her.
Thanks again
Kim

P.S. thanks Marylouis for the PM. I am having problems with my computer and I was unable to reply.

[marylouise]

Hi Kim, I know computer they drive me crazy. As far as your father in law,take some advice my Mom once gave me about dealing with certain people " you're dammed if you do, you're dammed if you don't, so you might as well do as you dam well please!"
Enjoy being with your Mom, let her spoil you, that's what we do best.I know, my daughter can't wait till I get to NY (it's a 4 hr drive)on Sat. to help her out. My son-in-law had surgery today and should be comming home on Sat.
Hope all goes well with the service, I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hugs

[carissa13]

Kim
don't let your father-in-law make you crazy! Jordan is your child, not his and he does not have to agree with your decision. Does your husband not tell him that his opinion is really not needed? Remember that life is never as bad as it feels at the time of our upset feelings. You have been through a lot which makes you a strong women so hang in there you are going to be alright. Sorry to hear about your friend, how sad for her husband and kids. Nice to hear your doc appointment went well, good luck and stay strong!

[Lyssa Sauer]

I hope Jordans services went well today. I pray that things were good and wonderful. I just wanted to comment on something..I have been told that LDS dont believe in cremation, not sure about what the bible says but what about those people who die in a fire? I dont see how cremation would be any diffrent??Sending you my love and hope you can find a person with a heart to help with your expenses. Hugs Lyssa

[Jordan]

Well....I made it through the service and it was wonderful. My father-in-law did a wonderful job. I was so happy and relieved that it was so nice and fitting. He earned brownie points! =) The service was nice and short. In the end the sexton of the cemetery came over with the tracker of sand and dirt to fill the hole. He had asked Tim if we wanted to fill the hole in as part of the service. We decided that was fine. It was opened up to anyone that wanted to put a shovel full in. I have to admit this was the funniest/best part of the service. I wish it was viedo taped. Alex (our 4 1/2 son) walked right up to the tracker took the shovel, almost knocked out the sexton with it and started in. We were all laughing. Then a friend wanted to put some in and Alex won't share the shovel. Then he finally shared the shovel with his lower lip out and almost started crying. Then he took the shovel back and started in again. Then when the hole was filled the sexton put the sod back on it and turned to leave. Alex was standing by me and shouted 'Good Job' and gave him a thumbs up. It was so funny. Then everyone started laughing. Alex was great comic relief!

Thanks for all your prayers and support. I am so relieved that it all went well and nice weather. It is like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

On a side note....as we were on our way up to Ashland our air conditioner blow out of the truck (mading part of we just had it looked at and tuned up). Of course this was the day that it was 95 degrees and a 4 hour ride. Then it down poured for awhile on the ride with our windows open drivin 75 miles an hour. Hey at least I have a good story to tell! I am so thankful that it was only our air conditioner that blew out. If it would have been something else in the the engine we might be still on the side of the road!=) The hotel was fun and family and friends had a great time there also. It actually ended up being relaxing and fun - as fun can be for a funeral. Alex gave us a good laugh. But I have to admit sitting a knowing for almost 1 year (finding out in July and lossing her in Nov and doing the service now) has maybe made it easier. Does that make sense?

Thanks again!
Kim

[Heather Lombardo]

Kim,

I'm glad things went well. I can totally see Alex doing those things, he's such a funny kid!!

[Jordan]

Friday was my 14 week appointment. We had an ultrasound and all looks good. We saw the heartbeat, hand and legs moving. The baby even had hiccups! It was fun to see the baby moving around. The ultrasound technician was trying to measure the bladder and then the bladder disappeared. She said that the baby emptied the bladder and then even saw the bladder fill back up. It was really neat to see things and know that they are functioning.

Dr. Leafblad was pleased with what the ultrasound showed. Now it is hurry up and wait for the Level 2 ultrasound on August 10th. It is going to be a long 5 weeks! Thank goodness we will be going on our yearly camping trip to Jellystone Campground in Warrens, WI for a week August 12-19th. It will be a much needed vacation!

Thanks for all your support and prayers.

Kim

[Lindzy Foster]

Kim,
So glad your ultrasound went well....what fun going camping.!!..keep cool, its been so hot here in Iowa lately!! hope its better there! very excited for you guys and the baby!!!

[Lyssa Sauer]

SO glad to hear your excitedment in your writing! We will all wait to hear about that August 5th appointment. Good luck and have a great vacation!

[tinantravis]

Kim,
I had to laugh outloud when I read the part about Alex and the shovel...too funny! This may have been Jordan's way of saying, "hang in there mom, I'm doing all right!" I've been thinking of you often. Glad to hear things went well and you had a nice shower on the way home...:)
tina

[Rita D. Conners]

One week with in-laws under my roof would drive me crazy. I've done that before and the only saving grace was my mother-in-law watched 2 hours of soaps every day.Week-ends sucked; no soaps on.
As far as your father-in-law goes, he has expressed his opinion, which only puts an uneasiness in the air between you two, and if he was so loving and forgiving, he would embrace your decision and keep his opinion to himself. It seems to me that his holiness needs to ask God to help him with forgiveness. Forgiveness in not keeping his opinion to himself when they are in direct conflict with your decision and forgiveness in not giving you the love and support you deserve. I can't imagine what you are going through and then having to deal with this man who is judging you and questioning your decision about the child you just lost. It makes my blood boil!
My heart breaks for the family who lost their mother and grandmother in that tragic accident. You just never know when your time is up. The husband and children must be devastated. One thought about this is that the mother and daughter passed over together. They didn't go alone. And of course the boy friend too. I know it's terribly sad but if anything happy came out of it, they were together and are together in the after life now. I always try to look for the good side of things. Like when your in-laws go home!
Congratulations on the child that grows within you. There is nothing that compares to feeling life inside you.
Best wishes; keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely,