Healing Reading

[Cheryl Haggard]

I want to share with you several books that I read after Maddux's death. All of the books below, I highly recommend. :) :) :)

I will start with the one written by a father of a baby born still. His story is so real and so true. (Dads, This is a must read.}

TENDER FINGERPRINTS by Brad Stetson
Brad and Nina Stetson's journey through and beyond the death of their infant son B.J. after 8 months of pregnancy, is candid and moving, capturing the Stetsons' experience before B.J.'s birth, his baptism, burial, and the bereavement processes that allowed them to move beyond the sorrow.

IN A HEARTBEAT by Dawn Siegrist Waltman
If you have suffered the tragic loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death, this book was written especially for you. (I have had the honor to talk with Dawn personally and through emails about how sharing her story with Molly inspired me to share my story with others, in the hope that they too can find healing much sooner than later.)

GRIEVING THE CHILD I NEVER KNEW by Kathe Wunnenberg
A Devotional Companion for Comfort in the Loss of Your Unborn or Newly Born Child
A devotional companion offering comfort, the reassurance of God’s presence, and strength for the journey through grief to healing for those who have lost a child through miscarriage, tubal pregnancy, stillbirth, or early infant death.

BIG GEORGE-The Autobiography of an Angel by James Jennings
Big George is an angel in disguise who has been sent to Earth by our Father on a mission of the greatest importance to deliver a message.
(I read this book to my older children. The book talks about an angel sent to earth in the form of a NICU baby. I really believe that by reading this book to my children, it helped them understand more about life and death. We were all able to put Maddux in Big George's position. This book also helped me!)


Waiting for Gabriel by Amy Kuebelbeck
Gabriel’s mother, Amy Kuebelbeck, shares the story of her family’s heartbreaking loss as well as the tragedy of all babies born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. After meeting with parents, counselors, medical professionals, and their parish priest, Kuebelbeck and her husband, Mark Neuzil, faced the ultimate conundrum: What happens when keeping your baby alive and sparing him unnecessary pain are mutually exclusive? (Amy, Thank you for sharing your story. Many Blessings~ Cheryl)

[Cheryl Haggard]

Moondance to Eternity: A Doctor's Journey into the Hearts and Souls of Children Facing Death.

Book Description
A critical care pediatrician is forced to open his eyes to the life affirming lessons taught to him by his young patients, lessons he will need when facing tragedy in his own life. But he is not aware of the significance of these lessons until he meets his spiritual teacher, a woman whose own miracles have taught her the meaning of eternity. She is the catalyst of his transformation from emotionally numb physician to joyful partner in the Moondance to Eternity.

From the Publisher
From the bedsides of children embracing each breath of life, pediatric intensive care specialist John Monaco, MD opens this uplifting book by converging on the one fearful moment that all must face--the instant of acceptance and release in death.

What gives this enriching book a heartfelt tone is Monaco's first-hand experience with children who were too young to comprehend or cope with the reality of death. One might naturally think that the young patients would instinctively act-out their inconsolable fear and frustration. Instead, what he observed was eye-opening.

Moondance to Eternity is not just about children, or dealing with death. It is actually about the transformation of a traditionally trained, educated physician. What Dr Monaco eventually learned completely changed his outlook on his role as a caregiver--and his teachers were not from the established medical world. Ironically, his on-the-job training came from his young patients, the real teachers. Their unspoken wisdom and courage was never mentioned in medical school, but yet couldn't be ignored in practice, in his young patients, their parents, nor his heart.

From the Author
"It has been my experience that at the very moment of death--when all present have resigned themselves to the inevitable, including the dying child--there is an other-worldly peace that becomes palpable in the room, something approaching the miraculous. It is precisely that moment that I want to write about. When it arrives, kids exhibit an innate knowledge that it is okay to die, that it is safe to transition from the earthly realm into a new dimension of life. I have witnessed many children ask their parents for permission to leave, realizing that the final moment is harder for them to accept than it is for they who are leaving! Interestingly, a number of these children were not raised with a particular religious belief, nor were some old enough to comprehend one--their inner spirit just innately knows." The most challenging part of my awakening came with the experiences not in the hospital, but in my own personal life. Just as I became convinced that I had conquered the fear of death relative to my medical practice, tragedy hit my home and my own family and friends. None of the lessons I had learned in the hospital served me, which forced me to realize that they had not been fully integrated and therefore were not authentic, since they could not be translated to real life at the kitchen sink level.

It was only after these wake-up calls that my spiritual growth began to mature. Through the spiritual practices of study, contemplation and prayer I came to a deeper understanding of death within the context of eternal life. After years of simply not having the time for spiritual concerns, I returned to church. I listened with new hunger to the wisdom-teachings of love, forgiveness and eternal life that had been spoon-fed me as a child, and that now mandated the immediacy of practical application. I felt it was my role to make that which they feared understandable, and thus acceptable. So it was not a surprise that I felt the same way about the experience of death. Death was not to be feared. Yet it is death that patients, families and their physicians fear most, and it is the fear of death that guides all modern therapies. I saw tragedy not in the failure of medicine to prevent death, but rather that when death is inevitable tragedy comes in the fear we have of it, in the inability to accept it and provide comfort and joy to those who are facing it. It was not just about children, or even simply about dealing with death. What happened in the process of putting our experiences together is that once again--as has happened so many times in my life and career--the children had become the teachers. They were the ones who launched my own journey into a deeper understanding of the mystery of life, death, eternity and, even more importantly, the importance of love as the source of joy in this lifetime. These were lessons of import and encouragement to every potential reader--not just children, parents or medical caregivers, but everyone. Perhaps it is the simplicity and innocence of children that make them consummate teachers, along with their disarming lack of ego. The strength they possess, the faith they demonstrate and the courage they exemplify are an example to us all. As I contemplated further, I realized that the essential message of Moondance to Eternity should not be how to face death, but how to live life. And more specifically how by unleashing ourselves from the fear of death life can be authentically appreciated and lived to its fullest. In fact, it can and should be lived with the joyful abandon of childhood.

About the Author
John Monaco, M.D. established the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Audubon Hospital in Louisville before relocating to Florida in 1992, where he oversees the inpatient pediatric unit at Brandon Regional Hospital outside of Tampa. In 1999, Dr. Monaco co-authored Slim and Fit Kids, Raising Healthy Children in a Fast Food World.

Sheree Slone, RN worked at Tampa General Hospital and James A. Haley Veterans Hospital from 1977 - 1987. She has also written Moon Over Dolphin Lagoon and developed a CD-ROM for children titled The One and Only...Me!

(FYI, I did finish this book. Again, it was amazing.
I will be sending Sheree an email soon..)

[Cheryl Haggard]

Mommy, Please Don't Cry - Linda DeYmaz artwork by Laurie Show Hein (http://www.mommypleasedontcry.com/aboutauthor.html)

Mommy, Please Don't Cry is a book of love and comfort for mothers who have experienced the deep sorrow of losing a child. Serene illustrations frame gentle words that describe heaven from a child's perspective. With room for the reader's personal reflections at the end of the book, every page is a poignant gift of hope and healing. "Our stories are all different, but our pain is the same, " writes Linda. "We are mothers who will forever grieve the loss of our children. And yet, there is hope for our troubled souls."

[Tara Roberts]

Cheryl,
Thanks for the advice... it's so bittersweet to read the advice from mothers who have "experience" dealing with the pain of losing a child right now. It's been 4 weeks and 2 days since I lost my baby angel and I still can't comprehend what has happened, reading some of the posts force me to face my grief and realize this is only the beginning of my journey. I am gearing up to write "my story", I know it's going to be especially hard, but I also hope to find some relief as well. Keep the advice coming...

[Charlene Lopez]

Thanks Cheryl,
Your continued drive and support for all of us, even me, the first mother you met this way, never ceases to amaze me. I am going to the book store tomorrow to look for "Mommy Please Don't Cry". It sounds like just what I need right now. Even though it's been a year and 10 months since Daniel was in my arms, it still hurts sometimes just as intense.
Your truly a blessing to me;)

[Cheryl Haggard]

Tara,
You sent this post exactly where it was supposed to go. Your post helped Charlene find this area...Please let me know what I can do for you during this time. 4 weeks...I am sure that the phone calls have already stopped, and the letters of sympathy. Your friends may be avoiding you, because they just don't know what to do or say. The silence is maddening. I am here. We are all here. We are all on this journey together...Some of us have just traveled alittle further, some of us keep going around in circles, some have come to a dead end...The important thing is, we are here for eachother. There are times when I don't post for over a week or two, but that doesn't mean that I am not on here, reading other posts, and seeking the support I need.
((HUGS))
Cheryl

(by the way, Christian is beautiful...)

[anr0014]

Waiting with Gabriel is the most powerful book I read during this difficult process. I even asked friends/family to read this to have a better understanding of where my husband and I are emotionally. Please read this book... It may be difficult at times to read, but that is only because we can all relate to it so well.

-Mandy Sheridan

[Sarah O'Neal]

I read this book after my Stepson Tyler passed away. It was very deep for me, and it gives me some serious peace about life.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

The book is 100,000 times better than the movie. The movie just didn't give the same message for me.

[Cheryl Haggard]

LAMENT FOR A SON
BY: NICHOLAS WOLTERSTORFF


As soon as I read the preface, I knew that this would be a helpful book.
I really want to share one paragraph from here:



"Rather often I am asked if whether the grief remains as intense as when I wrote. The answer is, No. The wound is no longer raw. But it has not disappeared. That is as it should be. If he was worth loving, he is worth grieving over. Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved. That worth abides."


I hope this books helps.
I am halfway through this book, and I can't put it down. It is a very easy read.
This father writes from his heart. Incredible!!

[Cheryl Haggard]

I just got off the phone with Sheree Sloan, and I am so excited.
She has tentatively agreed to be a speaker at our first conference...
Yeah...How cool is that???

[Charlene Lopez]

That is very cool! Where/when is the first conference?

[George]

If I haven't read a book on the list, I ordered it.

[George]

Here's a list of recommend books I found on Indiana University's website:

http://www.indiana.edu/~famlygrf/support/res_prac.html

Boerstler, Richard. W., & Kornfeld, Hulen. S. Life to Death: Harmonizing the Transition. Rochester, VT : Inner Traditions, (1-800-246-8648).
Boulden, Jim and Joan. The Last Goodbye I. Weaverville, CA: Boulden Pub.

Bowman, Ted (1994). Loss of Dreams: A Special Kind of Grief. Ted Bowman, 2111 Knapp Street, St. Paul, MN 55108 (612-645-6058).

Bramlett, John (1991). When Good-bye is Forever: Learning to Live Again after the Loss of a Child. New York: Ballantine Books.

Davis, Deborah L. (1991). Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby. Golden, CO: Fulcrum Pub.

Diets, Bob (1992). Life after Loss. Tucson, AZ: Fisher Books.

Faldet, Rachel, & Fitton, Karen (eds.) (1997). Our stories of miscarriage: Healing with words. Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press.

Goldman, Linda (1994). Life & Loss: A Guide to Help Grieving Children. Muncie, IN: Accelerated Development Inc., Pub.

Gryte, Marilyn (1988). No New Baby: For boys and girls whose expected sibling dies. Omaha, NE: Centering Corp.

Ilse, Sherokee (1990). Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death. Maple Plain, MN: Wintergreen Press.

Kagan(Klein), H. (1998). Gili's book: A journey into bereavement for parents and counselors. New York: Teachers College, Columbia University.

Kalish, Richard. Death, Grief, and Caring Relationships.

Koven, Mara and Pearl, Liz (eds.)(2007). Mourning has broken: A collection of creative writing and grief and healing. KOPE Associates.

Lindbergh, Anne Morrow, Hour of Gold, Hour of Lead -- Diaries 1929 - 1932 (the introduction was especiallly recommended).

Lyon, Wendy L. (1993). A Mother's Dilemma: A spiritual search for meaning following pregnancy interruption after prenatal diagnosis. Mullett Lake, MI: Pineapple Press.

McCarthy, G. F., & Stachler, L. M. (1992). The Survivor's Guide: How to make sense of your rights, benefits and responsibilities when someone in your family dies. Holbrook, Mass: Bob Adams, Inc.

McCue, Kathleen (1994). How to Help Children Through a Parent's Serious Illness. New York: St. Martin's Press.

McNees, P. (ed.). Dying: A book of comfort. Warner Books. ISBN 0-446-674000-1

Metrick, S. B. (1994). Crossing the Bridge: Creating Ceremonies for Grieving and Healing from Life's Losses. Berkeley, CA:Celestial Arts.

Middlebrook, C. (1996). Seeing the crag: A memoir of dying. New York: BasicBooks.

Minnick, Mollie. A. (ed.) (1991) Yesterday I Dreamed of Dreams... Poems, letters, and memorials written by parents for babies they love. Mullett Lake, MI: Pineapple Press.

Minnick, Mollie. A., Delp, K. J. & Ciotti, M. C. (Eds.)(1992). A time to decide, a time to heal: For parents making difficult decisions about babies they love (3rd edition). Mullett Lake, MI: Pineapple Press.

Nathanson, Sue (1989). Soul Crisis: One Woman's Journey Through Abortion to Renewal. New York: Signet.

Redomne, Lula M. Surviving when Someone You Love Was Murdered. Clearwater, FL:Psychological Consultation Services, Inc.

Reid, Joannie (1994).Life Line: A Journal for Parents Grieving a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Early Infant Death. Mullett Lake, MI: Pineapple Press.

Ross, Eleanora. After Suicide: A Ray of Hope. Iowa City IA: Lynn Publications. c/o Ray of Hope, P.O. Box 2323, Iowa City, IA 52244.

Schuurman, Donna (2003). Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent. New York: St. Martin's Press.

Singh, K. D. (1998). The grace in dying: How we are transformed spiritually as we die. New York, NY: HarperSanFrancisco.

Sourkes, Barbara M. Armfuls of Time. Pittsburgh, PA: University of Pittsburgh Press.

Stone, Richard (1994). Stories: The Family Legacy, A Guide for Recollection and Sharing. Maitland, FL: Story Work Institute. (phone 407-767-0067)

Trozzi, Maria (1999). Talking with Children about Loss. New York: Penguin.

Van-Si, Laurie, & Powers, Lynn (1994) Helping Children Heal from Loss: A Keepsale Book of Special Memories. Portland, OR: Continuing Education Press.

Weems, Ann, Psalms of Lament. Westminster John Knox Press.

Welshon, John E. (2000). Awakening from Grief: Finding the Road Back to Joy. Open Heart Publications.

Young, Margaret Lady, Agartha, Journey to the Stars, especially "The Three Stage Through Trauma" (p. 273 from chapter: 'The Experience of Healing'), Stillpoint Publishing, (1-800-847-4014).

[George]

I just finished reading "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb. While it's another "God Loves You," Trust God," type religious book, it is one of the best, if not the best, books of that type.

[George]

I just finished reading "Big George: The Autobiography of an Angel," by James Jennings. Stop what you're doing and go buy this book. It's that good.

[Estrella]

I'm not sure if it has been posted...

"The Next Place" by Warren Hanson..."The next place that I go will be as peaceful and familiar as a sleepy summer Sunday and a sweet untroubled mind..."

I bought this book for my daughter... this is a great book for children. Beautifully written and illustrated.

Estrella

[Estrella]

I just finished reading..."Safe in the arms of God, truth from Heaven about the death of a child" by John Mac Arthur. This was a very powerful book. It highlights bible scripture to reenforce belief that our children are in Heaven, and that we will see them again!

[George]

I read "Tear Soup" today with my daughter. Though it is written and illustrated like a children's fable, it contains some real pearls of wisdom on dealing with grief for adults.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Gone but Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child
David W. Wiersbe

[JenniferBrown]

Gone but not lost, I give it a big thumbs up!!

[Jayme]

I second Tear Soup! Very simple but there is just as much in it for adults as for children.

I also read Free to Grieve by Maureen Renk. It really helps sort out the grief process and how it is different for the loss of a child. It also helps put into words my feelings and helps my husband understand my perspective.

"Losing a pregnancy is the loss of a loved other, but it is also the loss of a part of you. And these two separate losses, mixed into one, produce a peculiar kind of pain unlike most others.
'I have sorrowed over the deaths of both parents,' Myrl reflected, 'but there was a different kind of sorrow with losing the babies. It was a part of myself dying, and I felt it throughout my whole being.' "

[Lacey Canaday]

My soon to be mother in law gave me Waiting with Gabriel...She went to college with the author, I read it about a month after Sophia grew wings,,I cried and cried,,,,it was the best book. I passed it on to someone in my compationate friends group. I also read Christmas Box,, the story of the Angel of Hope.

[katelyn]

Our grief counselor gave us "Tear Soup" to read, and I did find it helpful. I know I should be reading more, but sometimes it's overwhelming to me. My OB also recommended a book by a mother who is pregnant again after losing a child, so it may be helpful to expecting moms. It's called "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination: A Memoir" by Elizabeth McCracken. I just don't know if this will be helpful to me b/c I am not sure if I can have more children. I do hope maybe someone finds it helpful.

[efswsjuly17]

All of these books sound great. I have read Big George, Tender Fingerprints, and I am currently reading Gone But Not Lost, the next book in the line up is 5People you meet in Heaven. These books have definatley helped me through some rough times here the past couple of months. They give you insight and make you think about things. I recommend all of them to anyone who is experiencing any type of grief.

Brandy

Mommy to 3 Earthly angels and my Heavenly angel

[Lynnette]

Kathe Wunnenberg (a mother who has lost children and is a published author with Zondervan) read and endorsed my book called In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me (http://www.amazon.com/Faithfulness-He-Afflicted-Me/dp/1606049526/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226115144&sr=8-1). It is available on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Faithfulness-He-Afflicted-Me/dp/1606049526/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226115144&sr=8-1). I've lost three children and hope to minister hope to others through my story.

A Sister in Sorrow,
Lynnette
www.lynnettekraft.blogspot.com (http://www.lynnettekraft.blogspot.com)

[Carrie]

My Damien was born still 8 days ago, and we laid him to rest 2 days ago. I was given the recommendation to read "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" which was mentioned further up in this thread. It's slow reading for me right now because every page makes me cry, but I'm finding it's perfect for this stage in my grief.

Thank you for the many suggestions. As I have money and time and am ready, I will begin to look for some of them.

[Lynnette]

I've updated the information above to purchase my book. It is now available at Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Faithfulness-He-Afflicted-Me/dp/1606049526/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226115144&sr=8-1).

It has three reviews if you're interested in what others are saying. It from the heart of a momma who has grieved the loss of two infant sons and a 6 year old daughter.
Blessings and hugs to you all.
Lynnette
www.lynnettekraft.blogspot.com (http://www.lynnettekraft.blogspot.com)

[Lynnette]

My Damien was born still 8 days ago, and we laid him to rest 2 days ago. I was given the recommendation to read "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" which was mentioned further up in this thread. It's slow reading for me right now because every page makes me cry, but I'm finding it's perfect for this stage in my grief.

Thank you for the many suggestions. As I have money and time and am ready, I will begin to look for some of them.

Carrie,
By the way, I went and looked for you on another thread and noticed that this was your first post. I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I will pray for you this evening - for the God of comfort to wrap you in his arms and give you miraculous peace through your storm.

I'm so sincerely sorry for you.
Your sister in sorrow,
Lynnette

[soledad]

Lynnette, Im very sorry to hear about your loss, just wanted to share with you that I also got that book and some others. I just skiped from page to page. Is good that you are healing by crying, I did to. My baby was a still born. Sep 23, 2 days before his due date. Day by day.

[Laceys mama]

I have read "Empty Cradle, broken heart" and it was comforting. When I lost Lacey the hospital gave me a book called "Dear Parents" it is a small book of letters that people who have lost a child wrote. It was very wonderful. This site has been wonderful for me too. Nothing "cures" a broken heart but it is comforting to communicate with others who know the difficult pain I am going through.
Melody
Lacey Darlene's Momma

[ForeverHeart]

Can I be biased and add my book to the list. I just recently self-published a baby book called "I Will Hold You In My Heart...A Baby Book for Little Angels"
I have had so many compliments on it and have sold all over the world. I have also been told by Bereavement Professionals who have looked at the book that it will really help families through the grieving process. I created this book after my son died and I could not find a baby book special enough for him. This book is in binder format so it is customizable to any situation. You can add or remove pages as you lovingly fill out the sections that apply to your little angel. Feel free to email me if you have any questions or check out my website at www.foreverheart.ca

This book was truly a labour of love and I am so happy that Tyler's legacy is helping other families and that something special has come out of his short life.

((HUGS))

Michelle Murray

[mom2angelmichael]

there is a new book out called "messages from misscaried babies and other lost babies" i beleive its by Patricia... dont remember the last book. a friend said it was ok