Cremation or Burial

[Cheryl Haggard]

Ok, This is going to be a tough conversation, but I feel it is time to open up and share, what was a very emotional part of our lives.

I personally, want to be cremated. Not buried. I never want my children to feel obligated to put flowers on my grave, or feel guilty for not "visiting me."

My husband is self employed, and we have this habit and privilege of moving to an area, just because. (Ask me sometime how I got to Colorado...)

So, because of this, we decided to have Maddux cremated. I just could not bear the thought of moving, and leaving Maddux behind. Then I could not bear the thought of Having to move, and being forced to leave Maddux behind. Does that make any sense?

After Maddux died, and during autopsy, came the decisions, of funeral homes. How much? Were they credible? Would they treat him well? When would they pick him up? Over and over and over. I wanted to personally drive to every funeral home and "interview" the Man in Charge. Luckily, my husband put his foot down, said NO. And took it upon himself to find the "right" person.

Everything was able to be done over the phone and by fax. (Of course, I'm not too happy about this decision...Remember I wanted to personally Interview...) But, looking back now, this was the best choice for us.

I had looked online for cremation urns. (how I hate that word-urns...) And trust me, I looked and looked and looked. Nothing was right, I did not see anything that I even remotely liked or wanted. This was a very imoportant decision for me. I am looking for a "resting place" for my son! One of the only decisions or choices I will ever be able to make for him as his mother. This had to be perfect...Not just for him, but for me as well. I did not take this task lightly.

I believe we picked up Maddux on February 17th. I remember the kids were out of school. (presidents day) We drove to (and yes, I will tell you the name) ERLINGER FUNERAL HOME in Lafayette Colorado. The directors name is Carl Erlinger. An incredible and compassionate man. He asked us if we wanted an urn to put Maddux in, and we said yes. He showed us all of what he had. Not a large selection, but again, the same that I was seeing over the internet. I told Mike no. I didn't see anything I wanted, and didn't want something "to just tide me over..." I didn't want to have to "transfer him." So, we took Maddux in a little plastic bag, that was put into a burgundy velvet bag with gold tassels.

I continued my search...Now it was time to "think out of the box..." (No pun intended...) I looked online at china stores, I looked at Sterling Silver vases. I looked at LLardo figurines. I found some beautiful pieces here. Especially the ones titled: MY GUARDIAN ANGEL and HEAVENLY SLUMBER ( I put a link here-so you could see them...)
http://shop.lladro.com/shoplladro/catalog/category_generic.jhtml?id=1019&ParentItem=1003&_DARGS=/shoplladro/common/CategoryLink.jhtml_A&_DAV=1003


I drove to several stores looking at them. They were perfect. The only thing wrong, was that there was no opening to insert Maddux's ashes. Mike said he could just drill a hole at the bottom. (And we honestly thought about actually doing this.) Then someone said, "Take it to a Jeweler." Ok, we could do that, too. If it broke-it broke. No big deal.

I used to be a huge antique mall shopper. I love the old and rustic look. One day I was driving by the antique mall of off I-70. Ok, I'll go in.
I fould this cute little ceramic figurine of a boy, kneeling in prayer with a teddy and a bible in front of him. (see 1st image) There was no bottom. This would be perfect, I thought. Mike could make a bottom. I did not let the $3.00 price tag steer me away. (thinking it was too cheap.) I bought it. Took it home, and put it on the shelf, so the kids wouldn't break it.

The next week, I was driving Chase to a baseball lesson at Slammers. I had an hour to kill, and there was another little antique mall close by, so I drove there. I was in there for probably 15 minutes, when near the front I saw it. Exactly what I was looking for. The maker is Royal Doulton and the figurine is called "Family"
(see second image.) And, better yet, there is a hole at the bottom. (surely we can figure out how to seal it...)

So, this is what we have decided to use as our son's resting place, for now.
Mike and I have agreed, that whoever (between the two of us) dies first, we will scatter Maddux's ashes, with the ashes of one of us.

I love this figurine. It reminds me of our photographs we had done with Sandy. Where Mike and I are together and Maddux is cradled in my arms. Mike and I always have thought and said, that that night with Sandy and her camera, was our memorial to Maddux. We never even thought about having a service for Maddux.

This was our way of honoring him...Through the Photographs...

[John Witter]

This is a beautiful story Cheryl. Thank you for sharing it with us.

God Bless,
John

[Sandy "Sam" Puc']

Cheryl,
Thank you for sharing this story. I really took to heart the part about moving. I would never want to leave a child behind if I had to move out of state.
Will you leave the ashes in the little bag or will you pour them into the statue. I would be so worried that if the statue broke the ashes would be lost.

By the way...Nice lighting on the pictures....Have you ever thought of being a photographer? I might be looking to hire....lol
Sandy "Sam" Puc'

[Jen Eagan]

Wow, Cheryl.

We had Hannah cremated too, because we were moving a lot with the military and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. That, plus the sight of the only baby casket the funeral home offered us (everything else was astronomically priced and we couldn't afford much, we were still practically kids ourselves) was unacceptable and caused me to have a breakdown right there. So- we chose to go with the cremation, and keep her, and whichever one of us dies first will be buried with her.
We picked an urn that we liked- I don't remember what it was- and her ashes wouldn't fit in it. So they gave us the standard little marble cube, just like the one my sister's son has. I honestly never thought about using something else! Will you keep his ashes in the plastic bag? I ask because one day I was in this morbidly depressed mood and I unsealed Hannah's urn and looked inside and hers were still in the baggie. But on TV and stuff they are always loose and the vase or whatever falls and then the ashes are spilled. I didn't know if some places do put them loose or if that was just a dramatization for TV type thing.


Anyway, I love the statue you picked. What a great idea! Thanks for sharing.




(Edited to add- funny I was asking about keeping the ashes in the baggie the same time Sam posted about it)

[Cheryl Haggard]

Thanks for the compliment Sam. I knew you would think of things like that. I had to hold my flash down, so it wouldn't pop up. Too much light and reflection. But, I took the pictures all by my little self. Must say, I did a good job.
As far as the answers, I will not keep the ashes in a bag. (unless I can figure out a way to transfer to a larger bag, and fit them through the tiny hole.) I will let them be loose. I will always treat this as one of my most prized and valued possessions. Kids know, there is no ball throwing in the house. And I will keep him in my bedroom. Just for peace of mind.

Jen-Thank you for sharing this story of Hannah with us also. These are real situations that need to be shared. And who better to share them with, except us?

[Erin Jeppson]

Cheryl,
I have to tell you, as I was reading when you mentioned the images below, I scrolled down to look at the statue before I finished reading and the first thing that came to mind was that it looked just like the images of you, Mike and Maddux. It's truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing...

[Scott Hays]

Makes me so happy for you and all the other parents that will have the opportunity to have their chilren with them forever. Cheryl, I think the piece you picked is gorgeous. I'm so glad you waited until you found the piece that struck you as what you wanted instead of just picking something up for the sake of having something. All of you are wonderful parents no matter what you choose, never loose site of that.

[Deb Stoner]

Cheryl, Thanks for sharing. I told you before that the image of all three of you reminds me of one big heart. I love it. It is neat that you found something that reminds you of your photo and special time with your baby.

[Kirk Kief]

Beautiful Story, Cheryl and Jen. Thank You!

[Tammy]

Thank you for sharing on this subject Cheryl and Jen. You are right, it's a tough one to discuss. I think it all comes down to personal and spiritual opinions and beliefs. For myself, I'm for either... the way I look at it is you are still saying good-bye to someone you love and care about, no matter if they are cremated, or buried.
For us, the issue was not discussed or deciphered. Chase had an open casket memorial service and was buried in our little country cemetary, 2 miles down the road from our house. There is certainly a heart touching story with this also that I would like to share.
First let me say I am not certain if this is done for every child or baby who passes away, but for Chase, his plot was 'hand made'. By this, I mean we had two members from our church who went out and created his resting home with shovels and back labor, rather than using a machine. This was done out of the goodness of these gentelmen's hearts, we were not charged for it, but we did send them a little something special. This act was something that touched the hearts of our whole family, and something we won't ever forget.
The funeral service was perfect. I posted a little on this in Chase's Story, so I won't repeat myself again. We were given the option to hold Chase one last time, but we chose not to, he looked so perfectly at peace, like a little doll sleeping... our little angel.
In Chase's casket, there was a little stuffed lamb, one of his baby blankets, and a picture Rorey had drawn for him. It was emotional for all of us.
A couple of weeks ago, we made our final decision about his memorial stone which will be placed at the cemetary in the spring. We are waiting for the final draft to come back from the monument place. Which is another quirky story, because the place we decided to get the memorial stone from, was not my first choice to say the least. When we first went there, we were taken out to the yard of markers and basically told "This is what you have to choose from." Well, I was not impressed, however, we had a change of heart. We were able to choose a custom design (graphic) to have carved in the stone. Wish I had a scanner, the graphic is so beautiful... it's a sketched image of God's had coming down from Heaven's clouds and a baby's hand grasping onto God's finger. I'll have to show you when it's done....

[Deb Stoner]

The healing began (ever so slightly) the day we buried Marah. I knew I wanted a memorial service right from the start and I wanted Marah buried at a cemetary just about 1/2 mile from our house. I am a planner and always have been. I wanted to PLAN Marah's special service and I wanted it to be perfect, knowing that it was the last thing I could do for her. I wanted to share my precious girl with my friends because she was my baby. Want to know THE BEST thing about Marah's service? I held her the entire time. I wasn't planning to..didn't even know it was an option. (If anyone would have told me that a mom held her deceased baby at the funeral service before Marah died, I would have thought they were nuts.) We arrived a early to say our goodbyes before everyone got there. I wanted to hold Marah one last time. I took her and planted myself in the most comfortable chair I could find and didn't move until after the service. I thought Marah was just the most incredibly beautiful girl dressed in an outfit from Grandma and wrapped in a pink blanket from a dear friend. I made the funeral director drench her in baby lotion and powder. I wanted to that baby smell. I wanted people to know her...see her. She was MY beautiful baby! Do you know the song One More Day? It was printed on her memorial booklets. As people arrived and then again after the service we played Marah's special CD. It was one Marah and I chose and listened to together just the week before. (Martha Stewart Lullabies--yes, this talented woman can even choose lullabies ha) The music is actually grown up kind of music with a baby twist. So..the best part was I held Marah the entire time and rocked her to "our" songs. I remember the director asking us how many people to expect and I think we told him 20. There ended up being over 150. The support was great. I know Marah opened some eyes that day. She changed some views on "beautiful" babies. My little angel with black curly hair and hairy little ears has opened MY eyes and changed my world on December 28, 2003. I don't even remember the person I was before Marah. But, I do know I am more compassionate and more giving than I ever was before.
SO--Burial or cremation? However you choose to remember your sweet baby is the right way.

[Megan Kitchin]

When the hospital representative came into our room only hours after our twin sons had been born and died at 23 weeks, the choices for what could be done with the bodies were presented to us in a very sterile manner. Grayson and Zane were still in my arms and the thought of cremation just wasn't an option in the moment. We would bury them in Ohio, of course. My family was there and no matter where we were, they would not ever be alone. Upon leaving the hospital, hysterically upset as it is unnatural to leave your children behind, we promised our sons that we would come back for them and take them to Ohio. We found a funeral home from a friend, as we were newer to this area, and were assured that they had a wonderful reputation. I could barely function and my husband was taking care of me, so my mother contacted the funeral home and requested that we be able to go to the morgue and escort our sons to the funeral home personally. This wasn't normal procedure apparently, yet because it was a promise we made to our boys the funeral director said he could work it out. My husband and I were nervous going to the Morgue. We met the director's son, a very nice Mennonite man, and he walked us through everything. He explained the box he was carrying is what they would transport the boys in. It was like and old fashioned toolbox lined with green felt. Then, once at the actual Morgue and the guard opened the door to the freezer, this kind man gently opened the paper and then blankets that our sons were wrapped in together. He stepped back and asked us if we would like to hold them. I was a bit shocked, but instantly went to them. We didn't hold them, as they looked so still and peaceful. Yet, we gave them kisses and spoke to them and loved them. Upon leaving, we stopped at the man's truck and gave him letters from my husband and I, as well as their blankets to be wrapped in. Also, there were two roses from a bouquet Craig (my husband) had brought to me just a week before when we were still happily expecting. It was offered for us to drive the boys to the funeral home, but feeling they were safe with this man, we declined and said good-bye for now to our boys. Passing the front of his truck, we saw his wife and infant child and realized they had been waiting this whole time! We apologized for taking so long and for them having to bring their baby out so late. Walking in the parking lot, Craig and I stopped for a quick hug. There were no tears, just a calm. The man (I wish I could remember his name) walked up and excused himself. He then made the kindest gesture anyone has ever made to us...he offered to let me hold his infant son...his wife said that a mother needed to hold a child and offered her's to me in that moment. I was so touched. I was so thankful to them! I could not do it, however, as I didn't know if I would be able to give him back. Also, I wanted MY sons.

Anyhow, the next day, we went to the funeral home and picked up our sons. They were sealed in a simple white box with a brass name plate on top. It was not glamerous, but it was perfect for them. They were together. After attaining the paperwork we needed to cross state lines, we took our boys home. So I did bring my boys home. And did not leave them until they were buried in Ohio. My husband always brings up how I held them for the entire 8 hour drive. I still don't know why that was odd. I wanted them to be safe and with me.

Grayson and Zane were buried in my grandparent's plot. The cemetery was not allowing non-residents to purchase new plots. The idea of my boys being alone in some wayward cemetery was more than I could handle, so permission was given for them to be with my grandparents. When we arrived at the cemetery, I thought it would just be a hole. There wasn't to be any service and when we buried my grandfather's ashes, it was just a hole in the ground. To our surprise, they had placed a small round table with a drape over it.

Many people questioned and were even upset that we did not have a large funeral. And many people were waiting for a phone call to come to a memorial of some kind. We wanted it to be just us and our sons. It ended up being us and and our parents and my sister, her boys and my aunt. For us it was what we needed. There is finally a flat headstone there marking their existance. My cousin had it done for us...two boys on a hill, under a large tree with a swing.

It is hard to not be close to them...despite knowing that there are family and friends close by who go to see them. Knowing they are with my grandparents is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from going to them.

Back to the topic at hand. I think it is such a personal choice, creamation vs. burial. My friend (we are friends because we both had twins die in the same month and our doctors hooked us up) had her daughter's creamated and sealed in a beautiful porcelain box. It is in her china cabinet displayed with their photo and a Llardro of two babies in a bassinet. Many days I am envious that she has her Haley and Olivia with her. This past year I spent many months on bedrest due to one final pregnancy attempt. Our sons had given us hope for that. Believe it or not, I spent many, many hours debating what I would do if the little boy growing inside me died. Would I bury him or creamate him. I could not put another child with my grandparents, so would I have him put with my great-grandparents whose plot is near my twins. The idea of him being without his brothers made my heart ache even more. So the thought of digging Grayson and Zane up and having them all put together somewhere also crossed my mind. Or I could have him creamated and sprinkle some of his ashes over them. But there would be no marker to acknowledge his existance. And then there was the thought of all of the "nay-sayers" who couldn't believe I would put myself through it one more time. Would they criticize me for burying another child.

Thankfully, I didn't have to make that decision, as our new son, Graham was born this January 3rd.

I so strongly believe that we are all individuals in our grief and beliefs. It may also come down to the moment. I don't regret having my sons' buried in Ohio, yet I do long to have them close if only to have their angel dust!

[Cheryl Haggard]

Megan, Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am saddened to hear of the loss of your twins, and yet at the same time, happy to hear of your newest arrival. Many blessings to you and your family.

It is so nice to hear other parents, share such personal and private memories and thoughts. It lets us know that we are not alone, and that others have experienced similiar situations. Thank you again for sharing.

[Megan Kitchin]

Thank you, Cheryl. And thank you for sharing your little Maddux with all of us. What a special little boy he is to have inspired such an amazing organization and forum. Maddux will forever live on through the people whose live he has touched, as well as through the families NILMDTS has made memories for. We had photos of us and our boys only because my mother had the forsight to buy a disposable camera. Otherwise, we would have had two shotty photos from the hospital. What we do have are just snapshots, but they are something. I have tried to manipulate them to have something we are proud to display and show how beautiful our Grayson and Zane were. Yet, there is only so much you can do with snapshots. We really don't have any momento photos that capture the essence of our sons' as NILMDTS has brought to many other families. Thank you for attempting to bless all families with such a gift.

Anyhow, I could go on and on...This cremation vs. burial topic is a tough one, yet one that really makes you think.

[Erica Stone]

This really is a tough topic, and it's taken me a couple of days of thinking about it to reply. You have to understand that up until this happened to us I don't think there was anyone more uncomfortable with the thought of death than me. I'll give you a little backstory first.

My family is Jewish and in our tradition death is dealt with very quickly. The deceased is supposed to be buried within 3 days max, there is no such thing as a wake and there is no enbalming. If the person is buried, it is generally a closed and very simple and plain casket. I personally have death issues, and spent many years even having panic attacks about it.

Bearing all of this in mind, when we learned that Matthew not only wasn't doing well, but was actually so bad off he might not even make it to delivery, we were in shock. (Mostly because the amnio I had done came back normal!) Within the span of a week it had spiraled into a horrible nightmare. After a surreal consultation with the specialist (I think Tom was in shock - I was just bawling) he told us that our best case scenario was that IF the baby made it to delivery he would be severely physically and mentally handicapped. ***On a side note, the autopsy report found so many more things wrong than was even visible on the many ultrasounds I had. Brain swelling, kidneys fused, thickened heart not sitting in the right place... it would have been an awful exsistence.*** With the information we had at the time, we came to the heartbreaking decision to end this pregnancy. I know that there are others who feel differently on this subject, but for us it was the right thing. We did not think it was fair to try to bring this tiny baby into the world only to have him suffer. It was a horrible decision to have to make, but fortunately for my peace of mind we didn't have to in the end. I had noticed that his movements were lessening quite quickly, and he had already died by the time I delivered.

The hospital had sent in a few people to talk to us about our options (all before they even put an IV in me - they were very kind) and it really freaked me out. Up until this point I didn't want to even think about what was happening - I even asked if they would knock me out for the delivery - and couldn't understand my own reaction. How could I feel this way about a baby that wasn't even here? We had decided on the drive over that it would be far too traumatic and scarring for us to even see him. (The thought of holding him never occurred to us.) I thought I would never recover - I'd never seen a dead person except from across a room, you know? In the meantime, the nurses kept (gently) asking if we wanted to see him and we kept refusing. They said they could take some pictures if we wanted and hold them for us until we were ready to see them, and we reluctantly agreed. (Once again, thinking it would be too much to handle.) In the meantime our families were on their way in and Tom's mother had told him on the phone that she absolutely wanted to see the baby (we hadn't thought about a name at all)for herself, etc. as did everyone else. I think that's what made him change his mind, which I'm grateful for - if he hadn't than I certainly would not have, and I wanted to make sure we went through this ordeal together. We went down the hall and saw our teeny little boy. We even mustered up the courage to touch him a little (but not pick him up).

Which brings me back to the original topic... finally. I can't really remember, but I think we decided on a burial because Tom's family asked if we would. I wanted him to have something that was important to him, and I didin't have any objections. The other really nice (but sad) thing is that Olinger Highland provides a very nice service to families like ours by donating the burial space and some other fees, so all we had to pay for was the casket. They even have a space called The Garden of Babyland. It's really a pretty place, and I like being able to go there and bring him little things - some of the families decorate like crazy for holidays and birthdays! Anyway, we didn't really spend a lot of time deciding what to do. It was more about just trying to make some sense out of what happened to us. The other thing for me, looking back, is that having Matthew buried is what gave us the time to have Sandy and Cheryl come in to do the photos for us. (The first article was published the day after I delivered - Mother's Day. I don't think it would have worked out the same way had we decided on cremation.)

Anyway, long story long. Sorry. I tried to upload photos of the marker, but they're too big.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Erica-email me the images, and I will convert and load them for you.

[Kirk Kief]

Erica, I also just placed instructions for posting images at http://www.nowisleep.com/showthread.php?p=2321#post2321 What you need to do is resize them to about 4x5 at 75DPI. But, as Cheryl offered, you can send them to her and she'll resize them for you. What software are you using for your image editing? Maybe I can give you some instruction.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Well, Here is an update. 2+ years since Maddux's death, and I still had not put his ashes in the ceramic figurine that I had bought for him...
I picked out this beautiful piece, but why could I not bring myself to doing this task? Well...Today is beautiful outside, and I thought about doing some cleaning. Maddux's ashes came in a little velvet bag with gold tassels...I put him on a top shelve awhile ago. I always knew where he were, and nothing could get to him. So now, why today, did I feel it a priority to put him where he belongs. I think that after talking to Jen, and her planning for Hannah, sparked my urge...

So, here I am...I grabbed the velvet bag, grabbed the figurine, a large ziplock baggie and a wooden spoon with a long handle. I locked myself in the downstairs bathroom, so none of my kids would know what I was doing...And started.

First I folded the baggie and fit most of it into the small opening on the bottom, then I stuck the handle of the spoon into the opening to make it easier to funnel his ashes into the figurine. (I used the ziplock incase this ceramic figurine ever got broken. His ashes would be protected, and would not spill out.) Getting the ashes into this opening was pretty easy, there were a few times that I had to use the spoon handle to 'push' his ashes inside...I should have taken a picture of me...crazy lady with a spoon, 'pushing' her son's ashes into a small opening. What a site!!! Almost comical at the moment. Anyway, it is done.

I then put the figurine ontop of our armoire in our bedroom...

Thanks for letting me share..
C

[Tasha Nicholls]

I love it, Cheryl.... such a beautiful figurine for Maddux's ashes and he will always be with you and Mike.

So sweet!

[marylouise]

Hugs

[cheryl]

Cheryl,

Where did you get the figurine for the ashes? It is beautiful. We are contemplating what to do with our son's ashes. The figurine is beautiful.

Thanks,
Cheryl

[Cheryl Haggard]

Cheryl, I would be honored to help you find something perfect for your son. I could forward you pictures...
I found this piece in an antique store...
Please call me
303-596-6935

[Cheryl Haggard]

I wanted to post a few images of ideas that you could use for an infant 'urn.' (I still hate that word) All of these pieces are priced under $50.00.

[marylouise]

Cheryl,these are beautiful and I love the one for Maddux.
Another thought is to make something special at a ceramics place or have a potter design a one of a kind piece.

[Kirk Kief]

I wanted to post a few images of ideas that you could use for an infant 'urn.' (I still hate that word) .
How about "Angel Basket"

[Cheryl Haggard]

Kirk,
I think I have already taken care of this...
I call them Little Angel Havens.

[Kirk Kief]

That sounds mucher gooder than 'Urns'.

[Charlene Lopez]

All of your stories are amazing, thank you for sharing them with us (me). Cheryl, your figurines are beautiful and I loved how you described transferring Maddux's ashes, you made me smile at the thought if imagining you do this very special task.

I refused to believe Daniel would not live, but my sister knew. She called Sam and asked her to come take picures. (I'm eternally grateful that she did) All our pictures were taken while Daniel was still alive. I was in so much shock after we had to take Daniel off life support that I just wanted to hide away. Children's Hospital here in Denver had a wonderful support system with a ton of burial/cremation choices and info. I am a huge planner, however, I just couldn't even think. The one thing we did know was that we wanted him cremated.

Luckily my sister came to my rescue. We took Daniel off life support on a Friday night. Me and my husband hid at home from everyone for 2-days, we just wanted to be alone with our greiving. We didn't answer the phone, except when my sister called. My sister Joni and sister-in-law Pam spent the whole next day making arrangements, they kept calling me to "clear" everything with me. During this time I did think of songs I wanted played at his funeral and images I wanted on his memorial cards, but mostly all I could do was cry and cry. My mom and dad have burial plots purchased at Fairmount Cemetary and they offered to have Daniel buried between their plots. This gave me peace somehow knowing he would always be between his grandparents. I'm a native of Colorado and never plan to leave so this was a natural choice for me.

My sister did an amazing job, she arranged a viewing for our closest family and friends to come hold Daniel. Me and my husband dressed him and layed him in a beautiful bassinet. Everyone then took turns holding him, and it felt good to share him with his grandparents, aunts and uncles. They all lost him too:( me and Ken were finally left alone to hold him as long as we wanted. The next day was his funeral and it was absolutely beautiful. We played his video for all to see. There were well over 100 people there, we had such a huge support system of family and friends. Daniel truly touched many lives in his 36-hours. At the cemetary a little box was buried with personal items people brought to his viewing the day before the funeral. It was a very cloudy, windy, cold day, but everyone had a balloon and after the service was over everyone let their balloons go and the clouds parted, the sun shined for a brief moment and all the balloons went toward it. It was like God was welcoming him to Heaven at that very moment and wanted all of us to know. His ashes were put into a ceramic bear that I keep on our fireplace mantle.

In any case, I have his ashes with me AND a special place to go and sit, reflect and talk to him. Daniel's 2nd birthday is this weekend.

[Adrion Bell]

My heart goes out to each and every one of you that have had to make the decision between a burial or cremation. I just wanted to share what I have chosen for my myself, when the time comes. There is a company outside Chicago that will take 8oz of your Angel Dust and process it into a diamond. (yes a "real" diamond) You can then have the loose diamond set into a ring, locket, pendant, or whatever you choose. My husband and I are both military and we move often so there isn't a "home" where we would feel comfortable leaving one another. I love the idea of being a diamond. The company is called Lifegem and there is quite a bit of information about them and their process online.

[MelissaL]

We thought Calypso would be stillborn so we knew what we were going to do after she died. We decided on cremation. However in November I started NEEDING someone to go to visit her. So we buried half of her ashes at a private cemetery and have since set up a 'garden' and have ordered her headstone. I just NEEDED somewhere to go

[Heather Frackiewicz]

Nicholas was cremated and we found a beautiful little figurine on a wooden base for him. I don't even remember where we bought it; it was on the Internet. I had a little metal plate made with his name and dates, which we stuck on the base. That way he goes with us when we move (not that we've ever left the area!). The first Christmas we didn't feel right leaving him home alone, so we even took him with us to visit the grandparents.

When we moved into a new house, we didn't have a good place for him (yet) and we stuck him way up high on the kitchen cupboards. It wasn't very visible and it was easy to forget he was there. Around that time, we found that fruit wouldn't stay in the bowl on the table - the plums kept falling out at the oddest times and rolling onto the floor. I told DH that Nick wasn't happy being put up and out of the way, so we needed to find a better spot. Once we moved him, the plums stopped rolling...very freaky!

[HAINAngel2000]

Losing my little Mariah was devastating to our family as all of you know here. I am not good with words so will do my best to explain my story.
When Mariah died she was born alive luckily, we were warned right off that if Mariah was born still she would not be allowed a birth or death certificate as she was a day young for what they call a baby. Yes this sounds as bad as it was. Mariah was not considered a baby unless she was born alive.
Anyway we were so grateful when she was born kicking her tiny little legs. Mariah was only 10 ounces when she was born. She lives 1 and half hours and slowly died in my arms. Short breaths became shallow and it was devastating. Know one should ever have to witness their own baby dieing in their arms. So hard.
The hardest part was the battle we went through to fight for our rights to bury her. We had to battle with the laboratory of the hospital to allow her to be put in the morgue of the hospital and not in their lab to be cremated. Did you know when your baby is born at a certain gestation you lose rights to your child unless you force the issue like we did.
Not only did we end up making them put our baby daughter in the morgue but we made them write baby on the certificate to release her body to us, which my husband drove our daughter in a BOX to the funeral home where we lived. I stayed in the hospital longer until I got better.
We decided burial. Yes again we faced another battle. Because of gestation most funeral homes said they do not bury a baby under 23 weeks gestation. My cousin who was setting up all my funeral plans for me while I was in the hospital, she was told to have us bury her in our back YARD. She looked and looked and finally one funeral home said they would bury her. We were very broke at the time. My cousins husband had some wood and they built our little Mariah a casket.
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f180/hainangel2000/mariahscasket02cropped.jpg

If you look at the picture you will see a Little rocking horse. When my hubby met me he purchased a little rocking horse carousel made out of wood. My mom painted it and we applied it to her casket.
My husband picked out the satin material inside and another cousins of mine husband hand painted her name and a scripture to the top of the casket. Inside we put all of our hand prints on the inside lid of her casket. We put a rose that a nurse had given us soon after mariah died while I was in the hospital room, her daughter who picked it was named Mariah. I was so moved by this gesture. i will never forget it as long as I live.
Another battle came however. All arrangements were set up for me. My daughter was buried between my grandparents. A bout 2 weeks to a month later some of the family started to complain about her being buried with out their say. The cemetery made the choice to remove her out of the ground and offered a free place in the "Rose Garden" where other infants and children are buried. But because the vault broke her casket was placed in a plastic box in the ground. I have never been the same person again.
Thus why HAIN was started..
Cheryl you inspire me to the debths of my heart. All of your stories move me so much. I feel your pain and am here to listen anytime you need an ear. Thank you for sharing such a deep place of grief as you have with us. Thank you for trusting us to share this.

[Cheryl Haggard]

About 2 weeks to a month later some of the family started to complain about her being buried with out their say.

I am so disapointed in the word family lately...So a word to the wise: You better choose your friends really carefully, because you can't choose your family.

[motherofthree]

Mary, your story broke my heart. I am so sad that you had to go through this. I agree with Cheryl. We unfortunately cannot choose or family. Isn't it amazing that the people that are supposed to love us and support us the most ofter are the ones that cut the deepest with their actions and words?

Mariahs casket is beautiful. Hugs,

Beth

[owens_mom]

I have had this compulsion since my son's passing. I must find the perfect memorial, be it statue, haven (urn), or jewelry. I have found some really beautiful ones that I will share here.

Statues

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/our_gift.jpghttp://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/gift.jpg
These two are part of the Willow Tree collection, you can find them at Hallmark or anyother gift place like that.
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/nao_lightmydays.jpg
This one is called "Light of my days" in the Nao collection by Lladro. I also really like the one called "The greatest bond"
You can find it here (http://www.boscovs.com/StoreFrontWeb/Department.bos?type=Department&pdn=15000000&departmentNumber=15130000)
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/music.jpg
Link to find this musical angel (http://www.olistica.co.uk/prodsangels3.php)

[owens_mom]

I said compulsion right?

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/nowilaymedowntosleep.jpghttp://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/soultokeep.jpg
These two are actually out of press, so you have to search for them at antique dealers online. The boy is called ... you will love this "Now I lay me down to sleep." and the girl is called, "I pray the lord my soul to keep" and their collection is called "Memories of Yesterday"
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/new_life.jpg
This one is called "New Life" and is by Willow Tree. Lots of places carry them, both in the store and online. Halmark has a bunch.
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/motherangel.jpg
"Heaven sent you from above, a precious treasure to hold and love." is the inscription on the angel.
Link to Mother's Day Angel (http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/product/prdid-1500619001.jsp?_/_prod/_33/_/_108/_1001/_/_Y&endeca=true&abbr=ang#)

[owens_mom]

This is the one I am currently using for Owen's Haven. Though I am still considering a burial. I agree that I feel like I need somewhere to actually go and visit, as the mothers above have commented. On the inside, It reads "So Loved, So Very Loved"

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/my_haven.jpg

More.... yes, there are a lot of them.

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/angels_embrace.jpg
Can you see that I love Willow Tree?

I ordered this cameo and had it engraved "Grace will lead me home"
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/cameo.gif
Here is another one, there are several more, but I only ordered the one above.
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/cameo2.gif

[owens_mom]

Before you all think I am crazy and that I have a room full of statues, I have only ordered two of the things I listed. But I think they are all beautiful and I am only putting up the ones that I loved. And I thought some of you may like them as well.

These are the last pictures for today. The rest of the Cameo set, including different heritage mothers.

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/cameo3.gifhttp://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/cameo4.gifhttp://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/cameo5.gifhttp://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/cameo6.gif

All the cameos can be found at Netaya Jewelry (http://netayajewelry.stores.yahoo.net/)on the web. Some of them are pendants, some come in forms like Rings, or broaches or bracelet charms.

[motherofthree]

Thank you for sharing all of these peices. I love the cameos. Are they brooches? I also love that you call the urn a "haven". I hadn't heard that before, but it sounds so much better. I'm going to start using that instead.

I have the same compulsion - finding the perfect ways to memorialize Kavya. I'm always searching for the perfect items.

Mary - I can't get over how beautiful Mariah's casket is; how special that some of your family made it together. It is so, so sweet.

[PJBAC]

I love them all...where can we buy???

[Jen Eagan]

When Hannah was in the hospital my in-laws came to visit and brought a gift- a ceramic statue of a beautiful angel holding baby, sitting in a rocking chair. It was beautiful but they meant it to mean she was being protected, I took it to mean she was being taken. Anyway- then they turned it over and in gold writing it said "Hannah" across the bottom. It was the name of the angel, so they felt like they HAD to buy it, because what were the odds?

It was a part of the little "shrine" we built after she passed- but as my other kids grew into miniature tornado's, she has been kept in her box for safety the past couple years.

I also have a necklace- a locket- that has an angel holding up what looks like a tiny baby. (It kind of just looks like she's praying, but my mom swears she's holding a baby). The funny story behind how this came about- it was Hannah's angel day (2006), and I was feeling really depressed. My mom had to pretty much DRAG me out of the house to go shopping with her. While we were at the store I decided I'd get a new watch battery- it had died a few days before. Anyway, I brought my watch over to the jewelry counter and stood waiting for them to change it, and I glanced down into the case I was leaning on, and there were all of these blue porcelain necklaces with mothers and babies. I had always wanted one but always made excuses. Anyway, I just stood there looking at them, and my mom came over wondering what I was looking at, and I showed her. I asked to see a couple, and then she pulled one out of the drawer and showed me. It was the angel my mom thinks is holding a baby. I felt Hannah with me that day, and I could practically see her standing next to me at the counter telling me to get one. So I bought it and have always felt like it was a gift from her. I wear it when I feel I need an extra boost of strength, or when she's on my mind more than usual.

Anyway- I love those necklaces up there, and the statues too.

[HAINAngel2000]

Mary - I can't get over how beautiful Mariah's casket is; how special that some of your family made it together. It is so, so sweet.

THANK YOU! Yes many tears were given making this casket. :( It was so hard.

[owens_mom]

I edited the previous posts to have the links of where you can find them (or not find them) Depending on their production status.
Here are some precious moments figurines.
http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/bendicion.jpg
This one is called "Una Bendicion Del Cielo" Figure which translates to a blessing from heaven. It can be found here. (http://www.westportstyle.com/family-figurines/8880.asp)

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/mommieslove.jpg

This one is called "Mommies Love goes with you" and it is out of press. You can search for it through antique dealers.

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/safeinjesusarms.jpg

This one I found at a local hallmark called "Safe in the arms of Jesus", but you can just search google and find lots of dealers that cary it.

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/Pendant.jpg

This one is obviously not a precious moment, but it is another personal gift that I found that I really like. The company is called My Forever Child and you can find them here. (http://www.myforeverchild.com/store/Default.asp)

[Jen Eagan]

That one precious moment with the mommy girl handing the baby over made me cry. (Although I've been so weepy lately my mom is convinced I'm pregnant-LOL)

Thank you for sharing where you got them

[Christine Barrack]

I was given the Safe in the arms of Jesus precious moment figure from the L&D nurses when I delivered my angel born still 13 years ago. I am not the precious monent type but truly treasure it and proudly display it. Thanks for posting all the links as well.

[chloe leann's mommy]

im new but i wanted to add my comment. I thought long and hard myself of weather i wanted to be cremated or buried, i hate bugs and dont want to be in the dark. but i decided to be with my family wed all be buried. I like being able to go and see chloe whenever i want and leave flowers for her and have some place to talk to her we can be with all our family.

[Madge]

Thank you for sharing all of your stories and ideas.
I, too, am looking for the perfect resting spot for when that time comes for Dekar, and I haven't liked any of the urns I have seen.
You have shared some wonderful ideas and I will now keep my eyes open in a different way.

[Marcus Momma]

I am not saying anything bad about cremating a baby but I couldn't do it and didn't even think about doing it. My mindset was on how cremating was done. And I didn't want to think of my son going through that after what he had already been through. I know he couldn't feel it but its just the thought. Thats why I couldn't let an autopsy be done because I couldn't stand the fact he would be cut up. I know that not how it is done but thats what was going through my mind and I am just being honest on how I was thinking at the time. I have avoided writing anything in here about it because I don't want to offend anyone. Its just what my mind was thinking after all the tramtic events that happened. And anyone who knows my actual story about what happened might understand why I said everything he went through.

[Jen Eagan]

I am not saying anything bad about cremating a baby but I couldn't do it and didn't even think about doing it. My mindset was on how cremating was done. And I didn't want to think of my son going through that after what he had already been through. I know he couldn't feel it but its just the thought. Thats why I couldn't let an autopsy be done because I couldn't stand the fact he would be cut up. I know that not how it is done but thats what was going through my mind and I am just being honest on how I was thinking at the time. I have avoided writing anything in here about it because I don't want to offend anyone. Its just what my mind was thinking after all the tramtic events that happened. And anyone who knows my actual story about what happened might understand why I said everything he went through.

I'm not offended at all. I hated the idea of cremation. It only came into play with us when they showed us the casket. In our 21 year old budget they only gave us one casket option. When I saw how it closed and how close the top would be to her face- I flipped out, had a massive anxiety attack right in the middle of the funeral home. There was no way I could put her in that box.

I still hated the option of cremation, but being that we were leaving a week after the funeral and returning to our temporary home 7000 miles away, and I couldn't put her in the box- cremation seemed a much wiser choice for us.

[Madge]

We are basing our decision of cremation on the fact that we don't have roots here, and don't know if we'll be staying. I don't think I could handle leaving our child in a cemetary, possibly never seen again.

Either option is a good one, imo, depending on the circumstances and beliefs. It's actually nice that we have an option.

[amburke2]

We didn't really consider cremation for Timothy...I think we knew it was an option but didn't feel it was the right one for us. We buried him, but since we're also in a temporary location (my husband is still a student, so we'll be leaving this area in a couple of years), we decided to put him in a family spot in my husband's hometown. It's in a mausoleum, so when we eventually find a place to settle down long term then we can take him out and move him to wherever we end up. It's a little hard for us at the moment because he's currently 5 hours away and we can't visit him whenever we want. But, he is near family and he has grandparents and great-uncles and cousins that visit him occasionally. That's comforting to us.

[Cheryl Haggard]

I too considered our 'roots.' Maddux is cremated, and always with me. I don't have those guilty feelings for not 'visiting' his grave site. I think that is the hardest part. My grandmother was buried in Missouri, and I think since I was 17 when she died, I have visited her grave twice. When I die, I also want to be cremated. And I want my ashes spread from a cliff overlooking an ocean. I would prefer Montery or Carmel California. Personally, I don't care. I just don't want my kids to ever feel guilted into visiting my gravesite.

[linda]

We don't have Ethan's ashes and that kills me, but I have learned that when the loss of a child happens so quickly you don't know what to do. I have to accept that part of my story.

My father passed when I was 16 yrs old and my brother and I took his ashes to San Fransico Bay and spread them into the ocean. I will say that every time I'm at the ocean I think of my father. I love the peace I feel there walking barefoot in the sand. I haven't since been to the ocean and not thought of my dad. It's so comforting and peaceful to me when I'm there.

[marylouise]

My parents are buried about 4 hours from me. I've only been to their graves a few times and it's been 38 & 15 years. My little brother has been gone 25 years and I've never been back there. I feel that they are always with me. I'ts just too sad to go to their graves.

[Christine Barrack]

I didn't really think it through at the time. But we buried our angel. She rests between my mother and my grandmother. My mother passed when I was 15 and the cemetary was about 7 miles from my country home. I would run or ride my bike every day by myself to visit her and pick wild flowers along the way. I did this for a long, long time. After I moved and had wheels I could make the hour drive myself once a week. When my angel was called I lived in another state, where I am now. My in-laws actually transported her in her casket to the cemetary in her final resting place. It is so difficult being so far away from her. I find comfort in knowing she is placed between my mom and gma. I have someone take flowers and clean up the site once a month. Sometimes I send the flower arrangement to be placed. In a way it is a good thing she rests so far away as I would travel 6 hours several times a month to visit the cemetary at first. It was not only emotionally draining by physically due to all the driving. I know that is not her in the cemetary but her earthly form and she surrounds me in my daily thoughts no matter where I am. I have a memorial garden at my home now for all my family members. I just received an image that my Aunt took during her visit that I would like to share. I had both my angels and mothers head stones made.

[Valerie'sMomma]

The decision to bury my daughter was simple for me. Since Valerie was only a baby and a week old, I didn't want her to be alone. I buried her close to my grandmother and uncle. I had to make sure there was a place I could go and visit and know she was safe.

My husband had several deaths in the family recently and they were cremated. Neither He nor I have ever felt a sense of closure regarding their death and I couldn't do that to my baby. My daughter died in June 2008 and I barely ordered her headstone August 2008. The only things I can do for my daughter is provide her with a "home" where she won't be alone. I guess I need a place for my family to visit, where we can be a family of four and cry and laugh and be together.

[momofanangel]

Gracelynn is buried at the foot of my husband's parents grave in a cemetery that is anly about 7 miles away. I liked the thought of her being with her Grandma and Grandpa. Actually, the option of cremation wasn't ever even brought up with us. Since we are planning on living here permanately we would have buried her anyway. Here is a picture. She is where the heart is right beside where my son is kneeling. The small area to itself inside the big area is my father-in-law's army plaque.

[marybethsmomma]

We had Mary buried in one of the old cemetaries around here. When dh's grandfather died, his grandmother bought a double and we bought the one right next to theirs. So, Mary is with Grandad. One plus is that we can allow her stuff to spillover into Granny and Grandad's spot (she's ok with that and we all know he wouldn't mind a bit). We got her headstone ordered and it will be in sometime next month. For right now we have an upright stepping stone there. http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y117/momma6_2angels/IMG_0217.jpg

[Grace]

I loved your story, I never even considered creamation with Sarah, luckily I never plan on moving. The figurine that you chose was so perfect. Again thanks for sharing

[SimonsMommy08]

I found this beautiful memory box at a mall store a while back, it makes a great place to keep the ashes of your little one...

I hope this link works: http://lovablecollectibles.com/ckshop.php?item=2203&ret=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lovablecollectibles.com%2Fcks hop.php%3Fpage%3D1%26category%3D203

I found mine at a hallmark store

[SimonsMommy08]

This is the one I am currently using for Owen's Haven. Though I am still considering a burial. I agree that I feel like I need somewhere to actually go and visit, as the mothers above have commented. On the inside, It reads "So Loved, So Very Loved"

http://ashford.liquidentropy.com/wordpress/haven/my_haven.jpg

WOOPS! I just posted the link to this same memory box! I have the very same one and I absolutely love it. I also really love willow tree...

[Madge]

I'm glad you shared that link for the box. It is one of the nicest ones I've seen. I am going to go to the local Hallmark store to see if they have it, or I will order it online.

DH and I have talked about him making a special box, but I don't know when that will happen. Right now Dekar's ashes are still in a cardboard box in the closet and I'd really like something else until DH gets to making it.

[momma to 2+ an angel]

Having just brought our son home last week - sorry, I should start out saying that we had him cremated - this is something I am still feeling quite freshly. I too shopped for a box, "urn", something to rest him in. I am still having some trouble with the right term for my son; I am not find of ashes and remains sounds a little easier on my ears... Anyway, I went and bought some craft paint, decals, and a small wooden box that might be used for a small jewellery box. I painted it, decorated it and added his picture in the glass top.

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h249/bettyboop414/100_0967.jpg

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h249/bettyboop414/100_0958.jpg

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h249/bettyboop414/100_0965.jpg

I am not sure how to post pics here yet and have just tried, hopefully it works - I could not believe that he was in a baggie with a green twist tie. I had no idea so this was quite traumatic to me... very ... dear, I don't even know how to explain it, just awful. I went out and bought a little mesh bag with pull ties, similar to a gift bag from a wedding, to put the baggie in and had to take off that dreadful green tie. It made me angry almost how inhumane it seems to me... I didn't know. He is now sitting on the computer desk because this is where most of time is spent... I say goodnight to him, and talk to him. I miss him. Plain and simple, I miss him.

The reason I thought cremation best is because if I am having a bad night and want him near me, or want to talk to him - I have him. I didn't want him buried somewhere that I couldn't get to in a bad snow storm or if we were to move away -- Thank you for reading.

[Madge]

That's a nice memory box you made.

I was also a bit put off by Dekar only being in a plastic bag with a twist tie and cardboard box, so I understand what you mean. I thought they could show a bit more class by using a nice velvet bag or something, and at least placing the plastic bag inside of that.

[Christine Barrack]

Thank you for posting the lovely box you made for Cameron. It is beautiful. And thank you for sharing about the cremation. I did not know that and think I will be making some nice velvet or silk drawstring bags or small memory boxes to donate for this very reason.
I love that you have Cameron close to you. It makes me want to drive 6 hours to visit my angel right now.

Madge-I still haven't figured out what flavor ice cream I will eat on Monday. But that pumpkin milkshake might work!

Blessings,
Chrisitine

[motherofthree]

Cameron's haven for his remains is beautiful. I agree about the plastic baggie. Kavya's cremated remains were given to me in a small cardboard box...inside was a little plastic baggie, stapled shut. It was so...surreal to see what was left of her earthly existence encompassed in what amounts to office supplies. And twisty-ties...what you might use on a bag of bread, or a trash bag? They could DEFINITELY work on a kinder, gentler presentation.


I will be making some nice velvet or silk drawstring bags or small memory boxes to donate for this very reason.
That's a great idea, Christine! I wonder if I could present this idea to the local hospital, or would we have to go directly to a funeral home...?? The place we had Kavya cremated was the place the local hospital uses and they made all the arrangements for me, so I wonder if they could work something out with them. I'll have to check on it!

[Jamie07]

Hi,

I always feel guilty posting anything here, but I just had to speak up. I'm a little (a lot) apalled at what I've read here. When my cat was cremated the vet put her in a lovely decorated tin with a wonderful poem painted on it. You would think that at least that much effort could be put forth for your beautiful babies.


Leslie

[Madge]

Around here there is one main place they do the cremations at and then I picked up the cremains at the funeral home. They did have urns to pick from, but nothing that I cared for. I wish I had just been a bit more prepared with how Dekar would be presented to me.

I do think this is important knowledge to give the relatives of a loved one, whether a child or adult.

[Christine Barrack]

I wonder if I could present this idea to the local hospital, or would we have to go directly to a funeral home...??

I think that would be a wonderful thing!
I would check with the funeral home first.
I am also a member of HAIN and will check to see if there are any patterns. If you would like to join HAIN there is a memory box/craft forum with many resources. I don't want to take away from this thread or what NILMDTS does so I will leave it at that.
Christine

[momma to 2+ an angel]

I was so angry when I saw what Bob brought our son home in, I had half a mind to go up to the store that I bought the little "gift bag" thing with draw strings and buy a bunch of them to throw them at the funeral director. I was so angry! 4 of those little bags for $1, that's it - All the money that you put out to have this done and they could not have the decency to spare a quarter to make it a little less painful sight...? Darn it, charge me the quarter on my bill - I still am angry, obviously.

[tstracener]

The funeral home we used was very sympathetic. We brought them the urn that we bought online and they put Samuel's remains in it. I never saw what they had his remains in before and probably glad I didn't. Below is a picture of the urn we used. We liked it because it reminds us that Samuel is being held by angels in heaven.

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/images/product_images/73736489/lg/3070.innocencestoneke_lrg_0.jpg

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/innocence-stone-keepsake-cremation-urn-p-2070.html

[Cheryl Haggard]

Here is a beautiful box from Willow Tree Angels...
http://www.cherrylanecollection.com/html/27896.html

[Madge]

I saw a box the same size at the local Hallmark--unfortunately they didn't have the one shared here. The thing is, I'm not sure all the ashes will fit. I admit I'm not good at sizing that up, but it seems like the box is too small for how many ashes we have.

While at the store, I also saw this figurine:

http://www.cherrylanecollection.com/html/23941.html

It is so beautiful that I think I may just buy both and have the figurine by the box.

Any thoughts on if the box is too small? I don't know how I feel about not having them all together.

[MamaBethany]

I'm so glad this thread was here! It helped me in my search for the perfect thing for Bethany. We also had our baby cremated because we don't expect to be living here for more than a couple of years. How could we leave her behind?

At our funeral home, the cost was $100 to cremate our priceless daughter.

Our funeral director told us he could order some infant urns for us to look at, but he recommended we find something on our own. So I began an obsessive search. I did not want to bring Bethany's ashes home in a ziplock bag. I decided to leave them in the care of the funeral home until I could find the right thing -- a container that would radiate her essence.

I search online -- I didn't like any of the urns. I did find a nice heart shaped box made of rose quartz (http://www.naturescollectibles.com/rosequartzbox.html) that I ordered but eventually returned. After I read this thread, I began looking at all kinds of figurines on line, ransacked all of the antique and thrift stores in our area -- nobody really had anything appropriate.

Finally though, I found it. It is also a hollow sculpture from Royal Doulton. I ordered it through Ebay from The Fine China Store in Texas -- I think I paid about $60 for it. It is so beautiful -- it is the perfect thing for our daughter. It radiates family love and purity.

After it arrived, I took it to a trophy maker here in town and asked the lady to made an engraved plate to attach to the bottom. That's another story -- there is so much pain in this world. Turns out the trophy maker had lost her husband and 8 year old daughter in a car accident about 20 years ago. She wanted to make Bethany's engraving for us for free as a tribute to her own loved ones. The engraving came out beautifully.

Then, being that I hate going to the funeral home, my friend delivered the sculpture to them. The funeral director "transferred" the ashes and sealed the hole in the bottom of the sculpture with epoxy resin (available at any hardware store.)

It is such a beautiful thing, and I love it. Before I had experienced loss in my life, I thought people who kept their loved one's ashes were strange. Now I know, it is a comfort to have this little bit of Bethany's physical body still here with me. When I turn it in my hands, it makes a gentle tinkling sound, soft and lovely.

Here are the photos

[SimonsMommy08]

When my little Simon was born he was just 1 pd 1 oz and 10.5 inches long... All of his ashes fit quite well in the willow tree box so many have posted here. They are in a little plastic baggie tucked into the box. Im sure the size of your angel determines the amount of ashes..



I saw a box the same size at the local Hallmark--unfortunately they didn't have the one shared here. The thing is, I'm not sure all the ashes will fit. I admit I'm not good at sizing that up, but it seems like the box is too small for how many ashes we have.

While at the store, I also saw this figurine:

http://www.cherrylanecollection.com/html/23941.html

It is so beautiful that I think I may just buy both and have the figurine by the box.

Any thoughts on if the box is too small? I don't know how I feel about not having them all together.

[Madge]

I love the figurine. The story of the engraver is very touching also.

I got the Willow box in the mail today. I truly love it, but am not convinced the ashes will fit. (He was over 4 lbs.) I may ask my dh to expand it. I have something in mind, but it's hard to explain. If it gets done I'll be sure to post a picture. My doctor had taken Dekar's footprint and made tiles out of them. I want to incorporate that into his box.

This thread was very helpful to me, also, when I was still carrying Dekar. It was something I hadn't thought about too much, and it was good to read everybody's story.

This is such a wonderful forum.

[MamaBethany]

Bethany was 5 1/2 pounds and the funeral director told us that her ashes would fit neatly into the palm of one hand. Infants do not have much real bone (most of their skeletons are cartilage) so the remains are very small amounts. Ask your funeral director (or have a friend call for you) about how much room you will need.

[JenniferBrown]

Jennifer,

I love the sculpture you chose for Bethany's final resting place. It really DOES show the beauty of the 3 of you being together. :)

[SimonsMommy08]

Sorry about the huge file size, i tried to resize it on photobucket but the quality diminished with the smaller size for some reason. Anyway, I had the willow tree box to hold my little guy Simons ashes for a while but I was in hallmark a while ago and stumbled upon this, and thought it could always keep his little socks, hat, and name bracelet in there. But once I got it home I realized how much more this box screamed "me" than the other one, and its larger. His ashes, hat, bracelet, and booties all fit in it together and I just love it. The other box I now display in my living room on a shelf with pictures of him inside. Just wanted to share :)

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e2/XxPixiesworldxX/SSB/slumber.png

[Madge]

That's a nice box.

I got a memory box from the hospital that holds Dekar's clothes, hair, and casts. I haven't attempted to put his ashes in the willow box because I still am not convinced they would all fit. My dh and I talked about his plans for making a box/urn and I'll just wait for him. It may be a little while, but I'd rather know that the resting place is large enough.

BTW, when I was still pregnant with Dekar, this was a very helpful thread. I hadn't thought much about what to do as far as burial or cremation, and it was very insightful reading everybody's thoughts/experience. Thanks so much for sharing this intimate part of our babies existance.

[tillfordburrows]

I just wanted to add my story to this useful thread. I remember reading it just after Benjamin's death and it helped me a lot-when I could see through my tears. We decided to cremate Benjamin because that is what my husband and I had decided we wanted for ourselves after we pass on. But it didn't make it any easier to think of us doing that to my beautiful little baby boy. I struggled with our decision, even though I knew we were making the right choice for us, it wasn't a choice I wanted to make at all. I wanted his beautifully perfect little body to stay that way forever, but there was no way that could be done. So cremation was our best option. The funeral home arranged everything, and did it all for free. They made a horrible experience just a little easier for us, and for that I am forever grateful. It was so difficult to pick an urn, and when I finally settled for one, the company called and told us that it would be out of stock until the next month. I remembered that the funeral director suggested we try Things Remembered, which I also remember made me upset at first to think that my baby would be laid to rest in a trinket box, but we did, and I am so happy. We purchased a beautiful silver jewelery box with two hearts intertwined in the design. That touched me because I will always think of our own hearts that way-we were intertwined together when he was alive and will be forever. The box had a large engravable plate that we engraved with his name, date of birth, and a special phrase. I wanted something substantial, or heavy, because I wanted to be able to hold Benjamin's urn as I had held him- all 7 lbs. We also purchased an angel frame with a matching silver finish. The frame had lots of space to engrave his name, DOB, weight, and length with plenty of space for a poem I wrote especially for Benjamin. They turned out so beautiful and we will treasure them always. They are even more beautiful than any urns we saw available and were affordable. The frame cost $30 plus engraving, and the box was $50 plus engraving. In total we spent under $200, and we also had an angel ornament engraved with his name and birthday for our Christmas tree. It was hard to walk into the store and look at everything while the sales ladies asked questions about why we were there, so I just told them we were shopping for a baby, all while sobbing hysterically. We picked out the items, decided on fonts, engraving styles, etc., and then went home to decide what we were going to have done. I couldn't walk back into the store and tell the saleslady what I wanted, so my brave husband did it for me. She was very sympathetic because she, too, had lost a son. It was ready in an hour. Another nice thing about Things Remembered is that you can order online. You can browse the store online or in person, then order the engraving online and have the items shipped to you. We had a graphic of a little angel boy put on Benjamin's urn, so we had to go in person to order. But I'm so glad we did.

I still struggle with thinking of my Benjamin in that way, but I know we did what was best. I am now grateful to have him close to our family-we even brought him along on vacation because I couldn't bear to leave him behind. "Baby Benjamin's Box" as my 3 year old daughter calls it, is up on our mantel, surrounded by family photos and other keepsakes, and he is always with us and a special part of our family in that way. We have future plans for a memorial stone and/or marker at a beautiful cemetery, but nothing is certain yet. I am glad that we have the option to bury his urn if we ever choose to do so. The urn will be placed in a vault so no matter what type of urn we chose, he will be okay. I am hoping to live a long life, and that when I pass away, my ashes will be buried along with my beautiful baby Benjamin's, and I am happy that we made the right choice for us.

[motherofthree]

Jill, Benjamin's haven and picture frame are just perfect. I really love that you had them engraved, and they are so personalized.

[Eddie]

What a beatiful place for Benjamin. It's been almost 14 years since Cole passed. Until I saw this thread, I did not realize that there was an option, in regards to burial or cremation. If I remember correctly, the options were burial, or the hospital would "take care of it." Well, the hospital taking care of it was not an option as far as we were concerned so the next day my wife's grandmother, my oldest sister-in-law and I went to the funeral home. I picked out a casket, and a very good friend of the family bought him a stunning set of clothes to be laid to rest in. I placed some keepsakes that I had gotten from my Dad and both my grandfathers in a little silk bag inside with him.

I think if we had had the option of cremation, it would have been difficult, but I think we would have gone with that choice. I think it would be very comforting to have your child there with you in that way.

[tillfordburrows]

Thank you. Cole's final resting place sounds very beautiful and loving. The whole burial vs. cremation debate still bothers me, because I think I will always go back and forth between the two, wondering if I made the wrong choice. We just have to tell ourselves that it was the right choice for us at the time and our children will love us regardless.

[mommy2my3kids]

After Johnny passed I was in such shock. When we were asked what we wanted to "do with his remains" I wasnt even sure. I just knew I wanted to be creamated and big Johnny knew that so he told them, we want to cremate him. I thank GOD for big Johnny because I couldnt handle dealing with any of the funeral homes, I made one call and just lost it when I said "my son was stillborn". He took care of all the arrangements finding a really nice funeral home for my son to be sent to, they came and picked up baby Johnny before we left the hospital. He was given to us 7 days later in a little tiny white box. I hated going to the funeral home, I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack just walking up to the door. Now I have to go back tommorow to pick up his "death certificate". Anyway I'm getting offtrack. I yearned and still do to hold my son so I didnt want an urn that was hard or just something to look at. I wanted something to hold something soft like my son. So I found a teddy bear, a soft teddy bear like you would give a child. Its a teddy bear urn. I love the fact that I get to sleep with my son everynight even though he isnt here with me. I included a picture and a link.

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/brown-teddy-bear-cremation-urn-soft-and-huggable-p-2415.html?utm_source=googleproducts&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=products

[Madge]

That is so sweet! I never saw something like that before.

[tillfordburrows]

That bear is so sweet. I would love something to cuddle. I have to admit that sometimes I take Benji's urn off the mantle and hold it near my belly while I lay on the couch. It would be nice to have something to snuggle with. Good luck picking up Johhny's certificate, it is going to be hard. We got Benji's in the mail and it isn't comforting like I thought-it's just sad. It says Certificate of Fetal Death-and doesn't mention anything about him. I want to make a Life Certificate for him-something that has his stats and shows that he was a person-something I will want to look at as a reminder of his short time here with me. Take care.

[momma to 2+ an angel]

I too recently got my son's death certificate in the mail -- It is hard.

I love that teddy bear urn. I think that would be just perfect for our little Cameron too.

Take care of yourself.

[pooka1978]

Having just made this decision last week I can say that it wasn't hard for me to chose burial. In the last year my dh has lost both his parents and so we decided to bury Joseph at the feet of his grandparents. Its fitting, bc shortly before her death my mil told us that we were having a boy, and then I dreamed a few days later that she was holding my son. She died that following week. I know that she recieved Joseph into heaven so I want him to be buried safely with them. I couldn't chose cremation, but that was just me. I also couldn't let them autopsy Joseph. I didn't want anything more to happen to him.
These were the right decisions for ME, and I would NEVER judge another for their choices. My neighbor had her little one cremated and lets her 3 yr old play with her dd's haven. She says it brings her comfort and it probably does. Everyone copes differently and respecting that is something that I have gained from Joseph's passing.
Thanks! for the great links to memorial things. I am in the stage of obession over finding something, or many things, that can remind me of my beautiful little light.

[smileyone6969]

we chose burial as well. Shyanne and Piper were laid to rest with their grandpa.(husbands dad) Shyanne is laying on his top have and Piper is laying on he's legs.top and bottom of his casket.They are being held by grandpa.that is the only way to look at it. its just so hard to think about.It is so called and dark in the ground.I think of how scared they must be.then I remember that they are with grandpa he will protect them.and they arent really their just there humanly bodies they are in heaven playing with eachother and other the other angel babies

[MrsDisel]

OMG...I wish I would have known they had a teddy bear urn!! If I had known that I may have chosen cremation over burial. At the time though, I could never have gone through with cremation, I couldn't see doing that to my baby. Don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong with cremation, but it just wasn't right for us.
Now, having seen that.....I might have actually been able to do it knowing I would be able to hold it and cuddle him. We have a build-a-bear that plays Isaacs heartbeat when you push his paw.....now that would have been so wonderful. To have a teddy bear urn holding his ashes that also played his heartbeat.....Oh I miss my baby now. Life sucks sometimes!!

[JillinGA]

For me, I prefer burial.
I was not coherent enough to make any of the decisions regarding Chelsea's arrangements...but I was ok that my (then) husband chose burial. I was not, and still am not comfortable with where she is buried ... on top of his father. I never knew his father. He had passed away many years before. And I heard some not-so-nice stories about him.

When my grandmother passed away 1 1/2 years later, I wanted to have her moved on top of her. My grandmother and I even discussed it in her later stages of cancer. She said it would be an honor to have her there with her. (You see, Chelsea died on my grandmothers 75th birthday) Unfortunately, no money to do such a thing. So, she is still where she was originally placed.

After her burial, I had a very difficult time with morbid thoughts and wondering if she was ok down there, just a few feet from the top. I would go hysterical every time it rained, thinking the mud was getting in there with her. I even wanted to go and get her...and believe me when I say I had to be stopped.

After a few weeks of this, and letting the ground settle, we laid down landscape plastic and filled in her *Place* with stone. It was basically for my sanity to do this...to make sure she had protection over her.

After a while, I was finally able to get to the point of thinking: She is in Heaven! This is just her *Special Place* but She is in Heaven.
For 8 years I visited and decorated Chelsea's Special Place - then came the divorce and a move out of state. I still think to myself...She is in Heaven and that is her Special Place.

The thought recently came to me, thanks to many of the wonderful things ya'll do for your Angels, to make a memorial or Special Place for her here, where I am now.
Because, you see, She is in Heaven and this will be just a Special Place.

[Laine]

I just wanted to add (You can read my post of the final arrangements being made for laying Jennifer to rest), although we are placing her ashes in the ocean and I know that there will never be a time that I won't step my foot on the sandy beaches that I won't think of her, I will also be placing the marker beside my mothers grave. Here is the other thing that we will be doing. We first introduced our other children at a local really nice state park. I plan to call them and ask them about planting a tree there in Jennifer's honor. What would be the best type to be easy to maintain and such. What would bring the kids shade and be a good climbing tree and all. And then we will have that planted there in her memory with a small plaque that has her name and the day she was born so quietly on it. Something simple that will indicate to the parents and the older children that this was for a baby born into heaven. Then everytime we go to the park, which will become a weekly thing then, we can sit at Jennifer's tree or maybe a beautiful butterfly bush. Just a suggestion for those that have cremated but want somewhere to go.

[NoQuotaOnGrief]

We decided burial. Yes again we faced another battle. Because of gestation most funeral homes said they do not bury a baby under 23 weeks gestation.


Your little coffin is beautiful. I am so sorry the state gave you that kind of grief. It varies from state to state. We lost our son @ 26 weeks in California in 2004 we were INFORMED it was our "legal right" to dispose of his body (the idiot dr told us he'd spend eternity in the path lab which was fine with us @ the time). Per CA law this applied to any baby >20 wks gestation and they were going to force us to sign a promissory note to pay for it (family stepped up so we didn't have to.)

[NoQuotaOnGrief]

After Johnny passed I was in such shock. When we were asked what we wanted to "do with his remains" I wasnt even sure. I just knew I wanted to be creamated and big Johnny knew that so he told them, we want to cremate him. I thank GOD for big Johnny because I couldnt handle dealing with any of the funeral homes, I made one call and just lost it when I said "my son was stillborn". He took care of all the arrangements finding a really nice funeral home for my son to be sent to, they came and picked up baby Johnny before we left the hospital. He was given to us 7 days later in a little tiny white box. I hated going to the funeral home, I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack just walking up to the door. Now I have to go back tommorow to pick up his "death certificate". Anyway I'm getting offtrack. I yearned and still do to hold my son so I didnt want an urn that was hard or just something to look at. I wanted something to hold something soft like my son. So I found a teddy bear, a soft teddy bear like you would give a child. Its a teddy bear urn. I love the fact that I get to sleep with my son everynight even though he isnt here with me. I included a picture and a link.

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/brown-teddy-bear-cremation-urn-soft-and-huggable-p-2415.html?utm_source=googleproducts&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=products

We also opted for a teddy bear urn holder which we got from the cremation place. It looks like a Gund teddy bear and it's very easy to curl up with and just cry with it. Our daughter came "home" on Friday. She was s/b 9/10/09 due to Trisomy 13 and holoprosencephaly @ 33w6d.

The son we lost to a cord accident in 2004 we buried because that was best for us @ the time. I regret it to this day. I have nightmares around his angel-versary (12/12/04 - no xmas celebration here) about the little cardboard coffin's condition now... and in 2006 we moved 1,600 miles from where he is buried so we had to leave him behind. My dad still tends his grave in Babyland, but my dad won't be around forever. We wanted our daughter HOME with us, no matter wherever HOME might be at the time.

[Madge]

The son we lost to a cord accident in 2004 we buried because that was best for us @ the time. I regret it to this day. I have nightmares around his angel-versary (12/12/04 - no xmas celebration here) about the little cardboard coffin's condition now... and in 2006 we moved 1,600 miles from where he is buried so we had to leave him behind. My dad still tends his grave in Babyland, but my dad won't be around forever. We wanted our daughter HOME with us, no matter wherever HOME might be at the time.

Is it possible to move him? I had told my mother beforehand we would be cremating Dekar because we didn't know if we'd live here forever and we didn't want to leave him behind. She told me that they can be moved....I don't know whether that is true or not or what laws are, but it is certainly something to look into. Maybe a cremation could be done and then the ashes sent on to you?

[NoQuotaOnGrief]

Is it possible to move him? I had told my mother beforehand we would be cremating Dekar because we didn't know if we'd live here forever and we didn't want to leave him behind. She told me that they can be moved....I don't know whether that is true or not or what laws are, but it is certainly something to look into. Maybe a cremation could be done and then the ashes sent on to you?

At this point my dad enjoys(?!) tending to his grave. He's buried in the baby section of the cemetery where all my dad's family is. We will one day inherit my parents house (in same city as that cemetery where all my dad's family is buried and my parents have plots) so we might move back to our home state...

At this point we're not willing to spend the money because my dad and even my BFF are tending to his memory. Any extra $$ is going toward an indemnity program for donor egg IVF which is about $30K. (You get 3 IVFs and 3 FETs and if you don't take home a live baby, you get a 100% refund. My "oven" works real well according to OB... it's the 2 buns thus far.... so I'm an excellent candidate.)

[sweetclaudia'smom]

Claudia was born Aug 25, 2009. I was in Rhode Island visiting family when I woke up and realized I was spotting. I went to the hospital and was told that Claudia's heart had stopped beating, she was delivered by c section that afternoon. When the nurse laid Claudia on my chest, my heart almost burst with both love and sorrow for my perfect little girl.

My husband is in the Army, we are currently living on Fort Drum in NY. At the time of Claudia's birth my husband was on his 3rd deployment in Iraq and couldn't get back for 3 days, it seemed like an eternity to me.

When I spoke with the funeral home director I had pretty much made up my mind that I wanted Claudia cremated, I couldn't part with her just yet, and leaving her in RI while I was in NY was not something I could comprehend at that point. Still, I needed to talk with my husband about it. The funeral director told me that before we made our decision to have Claudia cremated, he would have her embalmed and that if we can drop off some clothes for her they would have her dressed for when my husband returned from Iraq. My family was wonderful, I had NOTHING with me for Claudia, I was only visiting for a few days, so my sister bought a preemie gown, that was enormous (Claudia weighed 1lb. 9oz). The funeral home did an exceptional job with making it fit.. she looked absolutely beautiful when we saw her there.


Even though I was almost 100% sure I wanted Claudia cremated, when my husband arrived we did discuss having Claudia buried in the Veterans cemetery. After thinking it through, we both realized we wanted Claudia to be home with us and her sisters. We have her ashes in an urn with angels all around it.

It was, without a doubt, the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Never in a million years did I think I would be making a choice between burial and cremation for my child.

Claudia was taken from us a little over 3 months ago, yet it seems like yesterday. We all talk about her like she lived with us for 100 years. My 3 older daughters show their friends their little sister, we say good morning to her every morning and good night before we go to sleep. She was and still is a BIG part of of our family and we love her very much.

My heart and prayers are with all the mothers and fathers who have lost a child, it is heartbreaking and life changing. My love to all of you and wishing you many blessings in the years to come.

Susan

[Madge]

It was, without a doubt, the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Never in a million years did I think I would be making a choice between burial and cremation for my child.

Claudia was taken from us a little over 3 months ago, yet it seems like yesterday. We all talk about her like she lived with us for 100 years. My 3 older daughters show their friends their little sister, we say good morning to her every morning and good night before we go to sleep. She was and still is a BIG part of of our family and we love her very much.

Susan

Susan, that is so beautiful. Sincerely, in a tragic situation, there is some beauty, and the line I bolded made me smile from deep down.
I'm so sorry for your loss of Claudia and I want to thank you and your husband for the sacrifices you make.
Thank you for sharing your story.

[Brandijr]

I am new here, but when our daughter passed, it was no question to us. We had Emilee cremated. We decided that because we are not sure about always being here. Also we have no idea where we would even bury her. I do not like my husbands grandma and his grandpa has already passed. But the cemetery where his gpa is buried is already meant for his gma also. I could not bare the thought of my precious baby girl being laid to rest with his gma eventually. I also wanted to be able to have my baby girl at home. The crematory actually gave us a really pretty urn. It is white and pink marble. It is just a square, but I am very pleased with it. It cost $40 for cremation and the urn. My husband and I bought necklaces to put some of her ashes in so we would have a little bit of our baby girl with us. http://www.evrmemories.com/sterling-silver-mother-s-touch-cremation-pendant-p/evr716ss.htm is the one I got. As soon as I saw it I knew it was perfect for me! http://www.evrmemories.com/crystal-cylinder-cremation-keepsake-p/evr172cr.htm is the one my husband got.

[denisekeel]

I was never given an option for Landon. I was never told that I could have a NILMDTS photographer to come and capture photos of my son. I was never told anything. I was given a bereavement support folder with a list of referral information. Which I found out no longer existed. I have no idea what happened to my child after I left. My god I feel like the worst mother in the world. Tampa General is a teaching hospital my son could be someone experiment. Just when I though life could not get any worse it just did.

[Kirk Kief]

Denise,
Not that this will make you feel any better, because I know that, unfortunately, there is nothing I can say that will take away your pain. If there was something I could say to relieve your pain, even for an instant, I would broadcast it to the world.
One reason why you may not have been given the option for a NILMDTS photographer is that we may not have had one available at that time. It is not uncommon, and in fact we prefer this method, for the hospital to contact us first so we can try and find a photographer that is available. If no one is available, then our services are not mentioned to you so that we do not have to disappoint you when we can not get anyone there. Only when we have a confirmed photographer available should the hospital inform the family that this service is avaialble. i hope you understand why we prefer to operate this way.
You are not the worst mother in the world. You created a child, and even though that child is not with you now, you did give him life while he was inside you, and you gave him the greatest gift a Mother can give to their baby.

[denisekeel]

Thank you Kirk, I can understand about the photographer but I can not understand why they didn't tell me I had a choice when it came to having Landon cremated or buried. They never told me anything. If they did I do not remember. I remember being in horrible pain, them giving me medication, I remember some of Landon birth and I remember holding my son and sleeping next to him.

I called the hospital today and there is a good chance I may be able to have him cremated. I will not know for sure until Monday. I am praying that I can. It has been one week and a day since he passed. I no that I can not have photos of him but I will be happy with having his presences in the house. I miss him so.

[JillinGA]

Denise, I am praying with you!!!!!

[cartersmomanddad]

Denise, I know you are so new to this journey and it sounds like you were given inadequate information. Maybe, in the future of course, you could find resources that could help the hospital in situations like these. I would encourage you to pray about it. See what God puts on your heart!

[Lorri]

When Drayke passed I knew that I wanted him cremated so we could always be together. I keep his ashes in the mahogany box the hospital provided. In the box I also have a tiny stuffed dragon finger puppet he would hold onto. It fits perfectly in the box next to the little packet of ashes. I also have the heart shaped necklace I had made & wore from the day I got out of the hospital after having him until the day he died.

I could not bear the thought of burying him. I have moved so much in the past I knew I wanted him to be able to be where ever I was.
.

[Lorri]

For the hospital to do ANYTHING with your son regarding an autopsy, tissue donation, etc, you would have had to sign a waiver.

Call the hospital. They will be able to give you the status of your sons remains. Hospitals are fairly used to people, especially parents, not making immediate decisions & most likely have him in a secure place.

You may still be able to get pictures made of him. It really depends on the hospital. Dont give up hope.


I was never given an option for Landon. I was never told that I could have a NILMDTS photographer to come and capture photos of my son. I was never told anything. I was given a bereavement support folder with a list of referral information. Which I found out no longer existed. I have no idea what happened to my child after I left. My god I feel like the worst mother in the world. Tampa General is a teaching hospital my son could be someone experiment. Just when I though life could not get any worse it just did.

[Mandy Henry]

My husband I chose cremation. When we were presented with the option, the thought of burying Wiliam gave me tons of anxiety. I didn't want to leave him alone. We will be moving within the next year and I could not bear the thought of leaving him behind. We chose this urn; http://www.memorials.com/Cremation-Urns/Preemie-Teardrop-Silver-Cremation-Urn.php
I can't imagine not keeping him with us. Whichever one of us goes first, his ashes will be added to ours.

[Drakesmommy]

My DH and I also chose cremation for a couple of reasons. One, we always wanted him to be near us. Two, my DH and I both want to be creamated when our time comes, so we figured it would be a good option for our son as well.

[AlesaM]

My husband and I also chose cremation. We move frequently due to the nature of my husband's job and didn't like the idea of not being able to have him near us. When we were looking through the options for urns, they all seemed so "adult" and a reminder of the loss. We had the funeral director place his ashes inside a plush Koala that we had near his incubator and now keep in our bedroom. Its very comforting on those difficult days to be able to hold him.

We did find out in the process of planning that, at least in our area, the arch diocese would donate a burial plot to families who lost a baby and often had a flower arrangement donated by the parish. The family didn't necessarily need to be a member of the parish or a practicing catholic. We are not and they were willing to donate without hesitation.

[KhloeBelle]

Thank you for sharing your story. I recently had my precious daughter cremated, I never thought I would want but my daughter was to precious to put her in the ground. I'm glad I had her cremated, because I have her ashes with me and I can hold them when ever I'm feeling down.