My Sweet Prince Mark.....1 month

[Jessica VV]

Today is October 8, 1 month since our precious little man was born into Heaven. I miss him so much..sometimes I feel like I take one step forward in healing and then I take a few more steps back. This morning I just didn't think that it is at all humanly possible for someone to go through this much pain. It just isn't right.

I stopped at the card shop and picked up one yellow (because Mark is my sunshine) helium filled latex balloon--the girl just kept asking me if that was it and I said yes-1 balloon and she must have thought that I was nuts and finally I said to her that I am trying to do this without crying. Finally she got it and just did what I requested. I released the balloon when I got home tonight sending hugs and kisses to our son--just letting him know that his Mommy and Daddy love him so much.

I know that there was the thread talking about if a person has other children or if this is their first born and dealing with the loss. Somedays I just don't think I have the drive since Mark is our first born. All I keep telling myself is that if I don't move forward it wouldn't be an honor to our son. Does anyone else have any words of advice---

Thanks for letting me share.
Jessica
~Mommy to my sweet Prince Mark David

[Kerry]

I am so proud of you! You did something you wanted to do for yourself to feel good about. You bought the one yellow balloon and you didnt get discouraged by other people raining on your parade. You handled it perfectly. That cashier should just give you the balloon instead of asking stupid questions. I cant say since my first born was not the first to go to heaven, but when I had the twins and had one die and taking care of the other in the NICU I felt being pulled from all directions. I never wanted to go through this much pain again. After all most of year I started feeling normal again, not such a outcast and being careful what I might offend someone. Now I talk about Mallory all the time, and most of the time my good friends just say how lucky Sarah is to have a twin sister to be her guardian angel. I know its hard to have so much pain and be the chosen mother to have a sweet angel in heaven. It will take time to feel not such in shock all the time but keep doing what you want to remember him by, and what you want in the future. I love the balloon idea . I had Mallory her favorite color as purple and you be suprised how many people buy me things relating with the color purple. It grew on everyone!
Hugs to you today on his 1 month into Heaven and find peace that Mark loves you and is always looking down at you with a smile. He will be ok he has lots of friends!
Kerry
Mommy to Olivia,Sarah,Lane and Heavenly Angel Mallory

[linda]

Jessica,

I too am a Mommy of Elijah who is 8 yrs old now. I had Ethan June 23, 2006. So I had to get out of bed and go go go for Elijah who at the time was 6. I will say this though. Although I have NO IDEA how different our worlds are ~ we share the same broken heart. Allow your self the opportunities that Prince Mark David is teaching you. Our children are our greatest teachers. Weather you have more children in the furture or not ~ he's teaching you something ~ and it sounds like even in just 4 weeks your allowing him to do that. Don't ever stop. I honestly believe I'm a better wife, mother and friend because of Ethan. I had to hit the pause button when I lost him and it changed my life ~ he changed how I view people. Just in general who I am. I hope that you'll continue to grow here as you find what it is he has brought to you and allow yourself this awsome journey of LOVE between a Mother and her Angel child. Many Blessing to you! Thinking of you and praying for you!!

[Hailey's Mommy]

Jessica,

John and I lost our first child, Hailey on April 14th of this year. I do not always have the right words to say, but I can say that I believe what you are feeling is normal. Hailey was my life the 59 days she was here and when she was gone, I did not know what to do with myself and sometimes still dont. There are still days that I just want to lay there and cry and not get out of bed. I think that your balloon release for Mark David was a step in the right direction. I agree with everything Linda said and could not have said it better. Going through this whole experience with Hailey, I have learned so much about life in general. The way I look at people and everything I do is different. Please know that we are all here to listen whenever needed. Just look up and know that Prince Mark David is looking right back with a big smile. I pray that you will find peace on this hard day, and please know (and I hated hearing this) but it really does get better not easier but better.

[Rayna']

((hugs)) to all of you!

[Lyssa Sauer]

Jess sorry I am just now getting to this thread, although we dont want it to life goes on, and this week I havent been home much. You are so new to your journey and are asking the right questions. You have to give yourself time to grieve for Prince Mark. Will you have more children, I dont think your angel would have it any other way. It may not be soon but when the time is right your angel will bring you joy. You will learn new things because of Mark and you will share with this world your precious angel and touch so many people as you already have here. Life goes on and you find that new normal. You will never be the same as before, but would you truly wanna be , no cause that eleminates your angel and I dont think any of us want to do that. You keep moving forward as you are, and you may not even realize you are moving on. Praying for strength for you and a little light to feel your heart!

[Jessica VV]

Today was my postpartum appointment....last week Friday I was told all of the blood tests that they did on me came back normal. They were looking for infections or clotting issues, but everything came back normal. Which is good news for future brothers and sisters for Mark.

I have hypothyroid issues but it has been treated for the past 6 years and was treated during my pregnancy--so there shouldn't be any cause there.

So overall--there really is nothing concrete to answer what happened to our baby boy Mark.

Just thought I would share.
Jessica
~Mommy to my sweet Angel Mark David

[Kerry]

Jessica,
Glad you made it to the appt, sorry you didnt get the answers you were looking for. Sounds good for another pregnancy though. I did pass the info onto my uncle(I told you about him in a private message) to see if their is something else now you can ask or what to look into next in what they might be missing. I will let you know what he says tomorrow.
Glad you can stay positive it would be hard for me walking out with not a answer but we will keep searching, if we dont find answers thats ok we know Mark is in a good place and is surrounded by love.
Have a good week and know I think of you often!

Kerry
Mother of Olivia,Sarah,Lane and Heavenly Angel Mallory

[Cheryl Haggard]

Four weeks after Maddux died, I think I was in the Orlando area for a cheerleading competition. I kept telling my friend Joanne, that if she heard any gun shots, they could find me on top of the mickey mouse water tower, taking aim...

Jessica, I am very glad that you bought that yellow balloon for Mark David. I'm sure he showed all of his new friends, his pretty balloon...from his mommy and daddy who love him so much.:)

Here is my balloon for Mark David...

[Georgette Johnson]

Jessica,

I am so proud of you for doing what you did, Mark David is so lucky to have A Mommy and Daddy like you both! I know he is very happy to have the ballon, it matches his outfit! Leave it to a Mommy always making sure everything matches! Please know I have been continuing to think about you and was sending you love on the 8th, along with Mark smiling down on you telling all of his new angel friends look at My Mommy and Daddy I love them both so much! I can just hear them all signing you are my sunshine, just for you and David.

Thinking about you
Georgette

[Amber Schmidt]

sending ((((hugs)))))

[BreManley]

Sending lots of hugs your way!