humor...or not, your call

[Tammy]

Had a telemarketer call my home this evening (of course around dinner time) soliciting some kind of vacation package for new parents. So, she went on asking her questions... are you married, what's your age... and then asked, you have a new born? I asked her to repeat the question...she said, you just had a new born? I replied (quite matter-of-factly) we did, but he died. I could hear the blood drain from her face. She said I'm so sorry to hear that, do you want to continue on with the survey? As politely as I could I stated, probably not at this point, but thank you.
Why can't my husband answer calls like this?!? In a way I find a little humor in all of it, for some twisted reason. I didn't even realize how I answered that question until I hung up. The poor lady probably wished she had never called....

Made me think how we try to educate on things to and not to say to grieving parents, but then again... maybe I need a lesson on how to respond to questions like that... *shrug*

[Paula]

You probably just said the first honest thing that came to mind, you can't feel bad for that. Actually if you think about it, had you spared HER feelings about it you might be feeling worse thinking that you were having a hard time dealing with what has happened to you.
I think it sounds like you are able to talk about it, if even to a total stranger, and who knows maybe the company that woman works for may think about re-phrasing their entire marketing scheme to avoid future embarassment to thier company. "every thing we do has a reason"

Dont' beat your self up, you did the right thing.
Paula
ps. Many hugs and prayers to you and your family.

[Scott Hays]

overtime the "matter of factly" said, "yes but he died", turns into a more of a, "yes, but Chase died when he was born, let me tell you about him". It's only been six months Tammy, there's still so much pain there. Don't beat yourself up over this one. Just think of the day that will come when you'll be able to help that next parent through this very thing. That day will come. No need to rush it though. You know the good that you're doing to help us out now. What a gift your giving so soon. I know we all thank you for the support you've been giving us as photographers.

You'll be there in your own time. It's one of those one day at a time things. You're doing great. Be proud of yourself. Chase is.

[aoconnor]

Hey Tam, You know I probably would have handled it the same way, but I'm alot more blunt then you are. LOL ;) All you can say is whatever you are comfortable with. Never feel bad about what you say about Chase!

[Karla]

Hi Tammy,
I think that you gave the right answer. Chase was/is a part of your life and always will be. I have decided that I will speak of my daughter just as I speak of my son Willie who is with me. When asked how many kids I have, I say two one here with me and one in heaven. Sometimes I feel like printing and handing out "A Bereaved Parents Wish List" to all that I know since some can say the most insensitive things, I guess in their own way they mean well, I just don't have the patience to deal with those comments, and ask myself why should I be kind and put up, I am the one who is hurting.
I can honestly say that conversing with everyone here has helped me tremendously. I do not feel so alone anymore.
Thank you for the opportunity.
My prays are with all,
Karla