carissa13
01-26-2008, 03:56 PM
Yesterday I was filled with emotion, much more than usual. I had just found out my friend was pregnant and when I called her to tell her how happy I was to hear the wonderful new she seemed to be very reluctant to talk about being pregnant so I just kept talking in hopes I would put her at ease. It's so sad because my son passed away and it's nothing contagious but so many think they can't tell me of their babys. She always thought she could not get pregnant so I really was so happy to hear the news. She said one thing that hit home. She told me she was not telling everyone until she was out of the danger zone, ya know that magically 12 week mark. Anyone reading may have believed that same thing but knows to well that there is not a magically number of weeks. I bit my tongue and prayed so hard at that moment that God would bless her with a healthy child so she would have be able to understand how it feels to wear these shoes.
I was having a complete break down yesterday. From the time I left work I was bawling. I thought a good night sleep would help me feel better but I woke up feeling so angry. Yesterday was one year since I found out something was wrong with Jarell. Today is one year since a doctor told me my son was going to die shortly after birth if he even made it that far. My heart always seems to know the date better than my head does. I knew it was the 25th and believe me, I've been thinking about it but yesterday I did not think anything of it but knew my heart was growing heavier by the minute.
I will never forget how I felt that day. It was suppose to be such a joyous day, we were having our 20 week ultrasound, we were going to find out if our baby was a boy or a girl. We walked out of there confused and numb.
It is now official, this has been the worst year of my life. I'm praying for strength to find something positive to go forward with. That year is now over, maybe things will start to look up. At the moment it seems everything around me is falling apart.
I received an unexpected letter from my grama today so it made me feel better. I don't like to feel this way, I don't like to be angry.
Jarell, mommy misses you very much!
I was having a complete break down yesterday. From the time I left work I was bawling. I thought a good night sleep would help me feel better but I woke up feeling so angry. Yesterday was one year since I found out something was wrong with Jarell. Today is one year since a doctor told me my son was going to die shortly after birth if he even made it that far. My heart always seems to know the date better than my head does. I knew it was the 25th and believe me, I've been thinking about it but yesterday I did not think anything of it but knew my heart was growing heavier by the minute.
I will never forget how I felt that day. It was suppose to be such a joyous day, we were having our 20 week ultrasound, we were going to find out if our baby was a boy or a girl. We walked out of there confused and numb.
It is now official, this has been the worst year of my life. I'm praying for strength to find something positive to go forward with. That year is now over, maybe things will start to look up. At the moment it seems everything around me is falling apart.
I received an unexpected letter from my grama today so it made me feel better. I don't like to feel this way, I don't like to be angry.
Jarell, mommy misses you very much!