Lost?

[Cheryl Haggard]

Ok, another topic of conversation.

How do you say to someone that your baby or child, died?:(
Is it really appropriate to say Maddux died when he was 6days old?
Or is it better to say that "We (lost) Maddux when he was 6days old?:confused:

Dead is so HARSH. Not to mention, uncomfortable to the person you are talking to.

But, then again, We didn't LOSE Maddux. Out of all my children, he is the only one whose whereabouts I know of at ALL times. The only one that I don't have to worry about.

But, saying that my son died, also seems so final. (does that make any sense?)
By saying that we (LOST) Maddux, does that convey the message or feeling that there is hope? of finding him again? ( I personally am a believer in being reunited again with with my son in Heaven...)

I am curious to others thoughts on this DEAD ~ LOST topic...

[Erica Stone]

It may sound harsh to other people, but it is the truth and it is reality. I personally say "lost", since Matthew was stillborn and "died" for me would mean I would have to say "died before birth" or something like that. (I guess you could also say "didn't make it" which doesn't sound particularly appealing to me.)It's all what you're comfortable with, I suppose. On some other boards I have visited some of the parents say "born still" instead of "stillborn". I don't know - sugar coating a term doesn't make it any less unpleasant to me.

So Cheryl, does it sound harsh to you when you say died, or are you just worried about the other person's reaction?

[Kirk Kief]

I have to agree with Cheryl, Dead just sounds very cold to me. Granted, it does convey the truth. To me, I can comfortably refer to an adult, who has passed away, as Dead. But, a baby, I just can't say it.
'Passed away' sounds fine, or, 'Special Angel', even 'lost' seems comfy to me. Maybe even 'God Borrowed', even 'Went to Heaven'.
Just a few of my thoughts.

[Tammy]

Interesting topic. I personally prefer lost rather than died, but again... it depends on the person I'm talking with and under what context. (Refer to my post about the telemarketer I had call my house... I still feel kind of bad about that)

[Deb Stoner]

I guess I usuallly say "passed away" when I talk about Marah's death. When refering to Marah's birthday (She was stillborn.) I say her "heaven day." Although I REALLY think she hung around for a LONG while before finally going to heaven--that's another post for another time.

[Megan Kitchin]

Personally, I despise the word "lost"! I know it is the easiest thing to say (and sometimes I even find myself saying it), but as Cheryl said, I know where my sons are. I guess I usually say my sons were born and then died. Technically, Grayson was born still as he died during delivery (he was breech and got stuck despite being little). Sometimes we refer to him as our "Instant Angel". I don't seperate the two because to me they were both born and then went to Heaven. I know that the word "died" is blunt, but it is the truth.

[Jen Eagan]

Funny- I am sometimes ok saying Hannah "died" but to say that Hannah "is dead" is very unpleasant for me.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Jen-Thank you for saying that. Yes, died is ok, but dead is not. I never thought about that and it makes total sense. Wow. That is an eye opener for me.

Just to remind me and all of us here again, when is Hannah's birthday?:confused:

[Jen Eagan]

Hannah was born July 20, 1998 and passed December 30th, 1998.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Thanks-

There is another catch phrase...passed.

[Jen Eagan]

yeah, I thought about it when I wrote it. Like- passed what?