havent been on in a while

[Cathy]

Well lets see. I have been really bust. My husband is having panic attacks and he thinks there is something wrong with his heart. He has been to the hospital and doctors and had every test and I mean every test. This has been going on since Christmas eve when he went to the hospital thiking he was having a heart attack. Tonight is the first time I have had a second to breath. So now I find myself sitting at the computer crying my eyes out. Dont get me wrong I think of my baby girl Torian everyday jusy about every second. But I have been so busy I have not cried I just have not had a second to cry.
I was at a store today and the lady helping me had her son at the store with her because she said her babysitter was sick I was the only one in the store. This little guy was just around the same age as Torian would be and all she could do was complain about how he was getting on her nerves. I wanted to scream at her DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE SHUT UP AND STOP COMLAINING. But all I could do was just look at this baby and smile at him. He was so active grabing everything off the counter and dropping stuff on the floor. He was very cute.
Its almost 8 months and I know that I will never get my baby back or get to hold her again but I just wish I could. The pain is still so bad. I close my eyes and Imagine myself holding her and kissing her little lips. I just wish I could do that one more time.
Cathy

[CrystalW]

Cathy,
I know what you mean about not having time to cry and then it hits you like a semi truck. I am so sorry. (((HUGS))) Today is Addison's 5-month birthday. :( Yesterday was very hard for me though. Anticipating today and it was a BEAUTIFUL day here yesterday and I felt like she should be here and we would be taking a walk in the park. :( I will be praying for your husband. I too have chest pains and anxiety attacks. But I realize what they are. It's not fun. I hope he gets better soon!

[Cathy]

Crystal
Happy 5 months to Addison.
I know it is so bad right now. I just cant help it. Its like when he is sick I get into the mode of OK its time to take care of everyone. And for me I guess thats good because when I am busy I am OK. Its when I am not that I am not OK.

[Estrella]

Cathy, sending you more prayers right now than usual! I have been thinking about you...it has been a while:( miss you! Sending you a great big hug! I am here if ever you need me!

[Kathy Schneider]

Cathy,
Bizarre how you posted today. I was thinking of calling you today and seeing how you were doing. I wish you and your family were doing a little better. I will keep you all in my prayers. Call, if you need. Hugs.

[Cathy]

Estrella
I know it has been a while but I seem to be so busy lately With my husband and stuff he has had every test you can think of I hope he is getting better but I guess thats what happens when you dont deal with life as it comes you bottle it up and it all comes out at some time and I guess this is his time.
Kathy
I have been meaning to call you too it just seams that when I have a second its time to go to bed.
Thank You both for listening and for always being around when I need you.
Cathy

[Estrella]

Cathy,
I understand staying busy. sometimes it is the only way I get through my days. We are starting the medical diagnosis for my son...it's going to be a long process...and alot of tests. :( I have experienced panic/anxiety attacks since Anthony passed away...they have gotten better with time...but they are no joke. I went to the hospital once...it was like I could physically feel my heart shattering. When I have them, its like an overload of feelings, they come rushing from nowhere, and BAM! Hit you like a ton of bricks, straight to the heart. I am praying for your husband to feel better real soon. I'm really sorry that he is having such a hard time...but like you said, maybe this is his time...I hope he will find his way soon! You can tell him I said...talking really can help! haha! (((BIG HUGS)))

[Cathy]

He has the same thing as you explain.
How is everything going with your son?
Cathy

[Estrella]

He has the same thing as you explain.
How is everything going with your son?
Cathy

I feel for him, I know it hurts...

Elias is doing well! Thank you for asking! We have improved his eye contact pretty dramatically! Some of his behaviors/symptoms have improved...others are getting worse...its a vicious circle. Round and round, go-go-go...where it stops...noone knows!;)