Does counseling help

[Marcus Momma]

Does counseling help anyone? I don't know of any suppoet groups around here for mothers that have lost a baby. So I am thinking about going and talking to a counseler but I don't know if it would do any good or not. I don't understand how talking to someone who doesn't know what it feels like to lose a baby will help but I have to do something. Keeping it to myself is making me explosive to my family. Its not fair to them to go through pain just because I am still going through it. I feel like I'm going crazy and don't have anyone around me who can help me. It hurts not being able to talk. I can talk on here and it does help a lot, but somehow I think face to face talking would help me even more. Any suggestions?

Shawnna

[Shelly]

Dear Shawnna, I found the combination of bereaved parent support group and counselling to be helpful for me. I went to both for a long time!! Thankfully, there's a wonderful support group through our local hospital. Do you have a Compassionate Friends group nearby? It may not be exactly what you're looking for, but it's a place to start.
I wish you all the best. We are here for you.

[Aly]

Shawwna,
I went to counseling for several months after my daughter passed away. We didn't have any kind of support group or anything near where I lived so that was kind of the only option. I found it really helpful just to have somewhere and someone to go to, talk to, and just cry for an hour if I needed to. It was nice to have someone outside the situation listen to me and give be their views on what I was feeling and what I thought other people should be feeling. She also gave me some tools for dealing with grief and taught me the cycles of grief. I think it can be very beneficial.

[Marlena]

Marcus's Mommy,
I started going to counseling a couple of weeks ago. It has made a world of difference. Although our counselor has not experienced the loss of an infant, he is a compassionate, understanding, caring person and wants to know what we are feeling. He has given us techniques to help with the process, lets me know that I am not going crazy and has been a wonderful guide as we find our new normal.

[motherofthree]

Counseling definitely has been helping me. I am also on antidepressants. Although my therapist has never had a loss like ours, she is so caring and understanding. I would suggest getting a referral from maybe your OB if you trust him, or maybe the grief center at the hospital at which you delivered can give you some suggestions. My OB was wonderful and referred me to a wonderful therapist. I don't know how I would have made it through this without her. She had been totally amazing. I agree that although the therapist might not have the close experience with such a personal loss that we have all had, they can still give good advice, coping techniques, ways to deal with others that may be insensitive, and many other tools to help us work our way through this.

It's still hard, and therapy can be a lot of rough work sometimes, but it is so comforting to have someone sit and listen to you that is totally devoted to your well-being and listening completely (even if it is only for an hour once or twice a week). I would highly recommend - but try to get a referral from someone or somewhere so you know you're gettting someone good.

[amburke2]

Shawnna,
My husband and I are both big fans of counseling and go regularly. You said that "It hurts not being able to talk." and a therapist will give you that exact opportunity. I have been going to counseling since a couple weeks after Timothy died, and it's a huge relief to me to know that every week I can talk to someone about my baby and how I feel about him and his death for an hour non-stop. We also have a Share support group at the hospital for parents whose child has died, and the first meeting I went to the weather was horrific and I was the only one there, so I talked the leader's ear off for almost 2 hours!

As someone else pointed out, getting someone you are compatible with is important, so if you go to a first appointment and it doesn't seem that your therapist is very understanding, then don't make a second appointment with that person but ask to see someone else. Sometimes people have personality differences with counselors and then they assume that it's not working, but finding the right therapist could make a world of difference.

I hope you get the help you need.

[eam]

Therapy has made a huge difference for me. I wasn't sure if I needed it and I was nervous about actually going, but it has ended up being very helpful and I've made a lot of progress. It's nice to be able to talk to friends and family, but I feel like I can really trust what my therapist says because she's a trained professional. I can also be more honest with her. I don't have any support groups in my area, so she's it for me. She did lose a child, although I didn't know that when I made my first appointment with her. When we eventually move out of this area, I wouldn't be opposed to seeing someone who hasn't experienced a loss. I've become a big fan of therapy, and I feel like everyone can benefit from it, no matter what has or hasn't happened to them in life.

Good luck. I hope if you decide to go this route that you can find someone you really like.

[Babs]

I put off seeing a therapist for over a year... when my second son was a few months old, i just lost it. The grief finally hit me and I was completely overwhelmed. I started feeling like putting myself in an institution; it was so intense.

I ended up finding a counselor through services in the university, where established, very experienced therapists were upgrading their degrees and would see patients for months, for free/cheap so long as you would let them video tape the session (only for their own use, destroyed in one week).
I was fine with it, and the therapy I got there was amazing. It was funny because I didn't think we talked that much about my son, in fact it seems like we talked about him only twice in depth... and yet she managed to get to so many other issues and peel them away .At the end I thought, "But I didn't talk as much about him as I should have" and then realizd I still felt so much better, about it all. Sometimes it affects so much more than what you think... you have no idea how pervasive grief can be.

In short: yes, therapy helps. BUT you need to find a therapist you click with and don't be afraid to direct your care. Say, "I need to talk about this" and, "I dont' like it when you do that; do something else". You are hiring THEM and therapy won't work for you if you're too scared to take the reigns.
Don't worry, it's not as hard as you'd think. :) If I can do it, you can too.

[jaiew]

marcusmomma

MISS Foundation. They are an orgainzation that helped berieved parents and they are nationwide. www.missfoundation.org (http://www.missfoundation.org) todd and i are really involved with the group. we volunteer and i attend the monthly meeting near my home. we were even invited to sit on a panel and talk with social workers about Carey. It is a "safe place" to share your little ones story. They also have mentors in most areas where you can do a more one on one type thing. Most of our friends we now have we met through MISS, And they understand what we are going through. the thing that is really great about the friends we have met is that we know on his 1st birthday and anniversary i can depend on them to remember while others probably will not. Miss is also having a retreat in sept that is 3 or 4 days and its a workshop where they have different people speaking. check out the websit. honestly i dont know where i would be with out them.

[jaiew]

i looked up Ky and the closest to you a peer support in paduka. sometime what they can do is give you numbers of people close to you that they have been in contact with. Also they have a forum that you might be able to track down people in your area. or if you ever need to talk you can always call me 623-217-7130.