How do you know when it's time?

[Amy Joy]

Im sure this question has been asked a million times, but how do you know when you are ready to get pregnant again? My midwife told be to wait at least 3 months. Why? is my uterus not ready? How do you know when you are mentally ready? I want to have another baby but I kind of feel guilty.I know I'm not replacing baby Joy. Nothing can or will ever take her place. Any imput would be appreciated.
Amy

[motherofthree]

I've been wondering the same thing, Amy. I am starting to feel that "pull" a little - I wasn't even ready to think about it at first - but I want to make sure it is for the right reasons.... My therapist says to try and wait a year, but can that measure be applied to everyone so readily? People greive differently and at different "paces". I'm not sure what to think.

[Brooke]

Hi Amy & Mother of Two,
I was always told to wait three months too and I believe it was more for the greiving time rather than any medical issue. I think that Doctors just want to make sure that you are mentally ready to take on the responsibility and emotions that accompany any pregnancy, especially after a loss. It is a emotional rollar coaster ride. I had headaches almost every day up until my 20 weeks U.S as that is when I found out that Emma would not make it. For myself we did conceive just three short months after loosing Emma. It was a shock because I found out about our new pregnany on her original due date and Caden's due date was her first heaven birthday. I took that as a sign that it was meant to be. Everything turned out just fine with Caden's pregnancy and he is now a happy healthy chubby six month old little boy. He doesn't replace Emma and I knew no baby would but it sure helps to heal the empty arms feeling. Good luck to you both and I believe that you and your body will no when the right time is to be pregnant once again. Good luck.

Love,

Brooke-Mommy to Carter, Ethan, Caden, &

[Marcus Momma]

My OBGYN said your body won't get pregnant unless it was ready after 6 weeks it's fine. I asked him the same question. He said if you get pregnant again and something happens like a miscarriage or infant death again can you handle it again that soon or would it be too much so soon. Thats how he told me to tell if I was mentally ready. Because we have to be mentally ready also not just our bodies. My friend got pregnant 6 weeks after having her son. Now she has 2 kids very close together and he came out just fine. We just gotta trust God and his love for little children. That he won't take another baby.

[motherofthree]

Well, I don't think I'm ready because I still don't think I could handle losing a baby all over again.

[Marcus Momma]

I really don't think anybody thinks they can handle it at any time. But it'll be 4 months thursday since Marcus passed away and I am wanting another child. Even though it would be horrible if I lost another child I am just gonna make sure I do everything just right. Prenatal vitamins every singel day even if it makes me sick like it did with my first child. Just have lots of love no matter what the outcome is. I was pretty stressed with Marcus. I want a baby so bad now that I am gonna start trying next month. Seeing Marcus' pictures make want to live my life and bring another bundle of joy in this world because I know he would want me move on but still love him and i have figured out I can do both now.

[linda]

We tried about 6 months after we lost Ethan and it took forever to concieve. In fact I was almost ready to give up. I felt barren and as if God didn't want me to have another child. But once we "stopped" trying and just let nature take over we concieved it was such a blessing. You'll know and when you do please remember it might not happen right away so don't get frustrated. Also, just try to stay positive and hopeful!

[Marcus Momma]

I am betting I don't concieve when I try either because every kid i have has just happened. Never used prevention after my daughter and it took 2 1/2 years to to have another child but after Josh it took 6months to get pregnant with Marcus and I was on birth control pills only missed one. My best bet would be not to try but I will accidentally not try around 2 weeks after I start my period.LOL. Then maybe it will just happen because I accidentally didn't try.

[Jessica VV]

My OB told me 6 months due to a woman's uterus needs to contract back down and that we have to be mentally ready, but after having a loss are you ever really ready. We are going with the attitude of it will happen when it is supposed to.

We will always love Mark and hope to give him lots of brothers and sisters.

[Amy Joy]

As a Doula, I have studied about what babies feel in the womb. Did you know their brains are wired differently depending on if mom was stresses during the pregnancy or not? Its true. There is a great film called "what babies want" It's hosted by Noah Wyle, that goes into great detail about it.
I know I will be stressed about every little thing during my next pregnancy. How can I not be? It wont be fair to my baby. I think for me, I will continue therapy during the pregnancy.

http://www.whatbabieswant.com/

[Lindzy Foster]

We waited for about 5 mths before trying again and like Linda above it took forever in our minds, we also were on the verge of giving up and in fact were planning to go back on bc in a few weeks when i started feeling sick and for the heck of it took a preg test....i had been so upset and down that we hadnt conceived so far that i went into complete schock when those lines showed up! We feel truly blessed but sometimes I think what did i get myself into? I dont think you can really know if your truly ready after a loss but you can try the best you can....Im 23 wks and I weekly remind myself to try and not worry etc as best i can....I still worry, how could i not...and in the back of my mind wonder what if it happens again? But i have faith and feel like God has helped give me strength to get thru this, I go to the cemetery and talk to Kaydence and for the first time in a long time I feel some peace since her death, she is helping watch over this little sister and our family......i still have my breakdowns and we miss her sooo much but we are so excited to have another bundle to love......big hugs to you all in your journeys....

[motherofthree]

I will definitely have to continue therapy when we try to have another baby. I will feel so nervous and scared. I hope I don't have a nervous, jumpy baby when we decide to try again!! I was told that with my daughter's disorder there is a 3% chance of having the same problem again. It doesn't sound like a big number on purpose, but that's and added three percent to everything else that can possibly go wrong...Perhaps I just need to practice my positive thinking.

[Cheryl Haggard]

I was told that with my daughter's disorder there is a 3% chance of having the same problem again.

You probably had that same percentage of chance with your older child. Who is healthy.

I was told too, with Maddux, that I had a 3% chance of having another male child (if I hadn't had the tubes tied) with MM1, after testing was done, and I was figured out NOT to be a carrier. My daughters carry this same chance. You have to remember, 3% really is a low percentage...I know this doesn't mean much to us 3%'ers that have already fallen into the 100% club...

You have to have hope!

[Catherine Colgan]

I know the desire to have a living child can be HUGE. But as someone who did lose her "subsequent baby," I have to say that your OB's advice is right on the money. You have to have some sort of coping mechanism in place before you get pregnant again. If you're not emotionally ready and something were to go wrong, you can find yourself in mental breakdown territory. When I lost Travis (after losing Alex), it would have been so easy to just let go of my grip on reality...to completely go insane. Luckily, I had a living child to keep me rooted and give me something to stay sane for.

No, you can't guard against another loss. And yes, the statistics are in your favor. But your mental health is not something you should take lightly. The worry is always going to be there. I don't think there is much you can do about that. But your foundation...the very basis of who you are...you have to be able to trust that you will survive any outcome. If your emotional state is such that another loss might destroy you...give it some time.

[MadiAidMak]

On Easter it will be 6 months since my angels were born sleeping. My OB told me that she wanted for me to wait 3 months(due to the infection that I had in my uterus) I think the amount of time depends of each indicidual. I am wanting terribly to be pregnant again,but then I feel like thats wrong. I have 3 close friends that are all pregnant right now. I havent gotten pregnant yet. I am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me

[Lindzy Foster]

You probably had that same percentage of chance with your older child. Who is healthy.

I was told too, with Maddux, that I had a 3% chance of having another male child (if I hadn't had the tubes tied) with MM1, after testing was done, and I was figured out NOT to be a carrier. My daughters carry this same chance. You have to remember, 3% really is a low percentage...I know this doesn't mean much to us 3%'ers that have already fallen into the 100% club...

You have to have hope!


This is the percentage we were given as well to having another CHD baby.......

[Marcus Momma]

Don't get discouraged. Lindzey and some others have said they tried and tried but when they were ready to give up God gave them the gift of another baby. Maybe he's waiting until he thinks your better since he does know all.

[MadiAidMak]

Thats true he does know all

[motherofthree]

Cheryl and Lindzy,
Thank you. I do feel better; isn't it strange that just knowing you aren't alone can do that? Any other time I would probably think 3% was pretty good odds. This really is something that happens that I thought would never happen to ME...

Amber,
I'm glad to see your little angels on you avatar. Beautiful little sweethearts.

Catherine,
You are definitely right. I need to make sure my foundation is strong enough that I wouldn't break under the pressure of another loss or similar difficulties.

I'm so glad I joined this forum. It is so comforting to have others to share with and get advice from that really, really understand. Thank you all.

[Erica Stone]

I struggled with this question, too. When I decided it was time to start trying again was when I realized that my desire to have another baby outweighed the fear. I realized that I would NEVER feel better about losing Matthew, so it didn't matter if I waited 3 months or 3 years. I had to compartmentalize the situation, and deal with a new pregnancy seperately from my loss. I was a nervous freakin' wreck, but I know that it was a reaction to what happened with Matthew. All I could do was jump in with both feet and hope that I'd get to bring the next one home.