This Is Berettas Mommy

[berettas grandma]

this is tabatha Berettas mom. my mom goes on this sight all the time and i wanted to see what its like and to read what i feel. first of all i just want to say i am so sorry for everyones loss i can honestly say i know how you feel i always felt bad for the parents who have lost their children but now that i have lost mine its like i dont mant people to feel sorry for me i just well i dont know what i want some days i want all to be quit and other times i want people to talk about beretta. i get so upset that when people knew about what happend they say sorry but then they go on about their kids ya im happy for them but at the same time i just want to say SHUT UP i dont know what to do anymore my daughter would of been 4 months on march 7th i was blaa all day people would talk to me and it was like i wasnt there. my boyfriend and i are not doing so well its like i will cry and he would get mad at me and ask why i cry we are slowly falling away from eachother and im scared he is the father of our daughter and i dont want to loose him but at the same time i feel like i cant change like a peice of my heart mind and my whole body dont want to be here i think so many times i just want to be with her its all my fault and why cant i just die i would think to myself just do it just kill your self but then i think tab you do that you wouldnt see your angel beretta lee so then i cry more and i just hold her picture all my friends are having kids one of myfriends had a boy the same time beretta was born and 5 of my friends had girls my body wants to hold them and tell them i love them and my heart says no i only want beretta im scared that my life wont go back to me laughing and loving i have a niece and nephew who to them thy say im there other mom but im scared to get so close like i was before because i dont want beretta to hate me i love them so much i just wish i can rewind my life back to nov 7th and change everything i just want to hold her and kiss her sing to her and laugh with her tell her tall tells to help her sleep and just lay next to her and look at her beautiful skin and her precious little body i had a dream b4 the atopsy came back that she had blue eyes like grandma mommy and daddy and she does i will describe my daughter to you she has blonde/brown curly hair she had such long nails her mommys hands her daddys ears her mommys nose a little crooked but so cute she had such long feet like her dad who by the way has a size 16 and my toes we thought she was perfect and she was i dont know what else to say because im still hurting so i cant say anything incurraging or else i would people say it gets better but if it soes then why does it seem like its not i want to smile again and sing again and play with my niece and nephew again but its hard hard to find happiness in anything i do my life was my daughter and i know i need to go on but give me time as you need time too thank you for listoning and i hope to talk to you all soon im glad there is a sight out there who people are alike in this way im again very sorry for everyone but our babies are now angels and i bet they are all playing together. thank you tab BERETTAS MOMMY

[MadiAidMak]

Tabatha, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I had a very difficult time after our twins passed away. He had a hard time with me crying all the time and he couldnt do anything about it. Now we are better than ever and I know that I can count on him through anything. Just know that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Always remember that tomorrow is a new day and that your daughter loves you and is with you always. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.I think that our angels are all playing together too

[Marcus Momma]

I am sorry for your loss. My son would have been 4 months old yesterday. And today has been 4 months since he went to heaven. My husband asks me all the time why I am crying for when what we are watching or doing doesn't have anything to do with Marcus. It just still hits me in spurts. Like now i should be holding my baby rocking him to sleep. Giving him a bottle and kiss. Holding him close and watching him sleep. Whispering in his ear how much I love him. I am so sorry again for your loss and I hope you can find some peace.

[Tammy]

Tabatha~ thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. We welcome you, and want you to know anytime you need us, we will be here for you. There are so many wonderful and caring members on this forum. We have all been there, we understand and we will be here to help you along your journey~ always remember, you do not have to carry your grief alone; none of us do.
Beretta will be with you forever in your heart~ although the hurt of not having her with you on this earth is at times unbearable, remember that one day she will be with you for all eternity. As someone once told me; the time we spend a part from our beautiful babies is so short compared to the time we have coming when we are together again~
I know this does not take away the pain you are feeling right now~but knowing there are others who can understand what you are going through really does help.
There was a time I never thought I would be able to smile again, laugh again or enjoy life again. It took every ounce of strength and energy I had to just get out of bed in the morning~ but, with time and with the wonderful support from people here, I have been able to do these things once more. But, it's different, a new normal and it took a while getting here. Give yourself the time you need. Again, we will be here for you too.:o
I'm glad your mom showed you this forum and I encourage you to go through the posts on here and share your emotions, thoughts. We are here to offer support, advise and understanding; a shoulder when you need it. We look forward to hearing more about your little Beretta~