Problems Sleeping

[Cheryl Haggard]

I had alot of problems sleeping after Maddux died. My mind would wonder all night. And when I would finally get to the verge of sleep, I would suddenly jump and startle. I would think of my other children, and literally have panic attacks. My heart would pound. I would break out in cold sweats. My husband would get so angry with me, because I would try to watch TV to help me get drowsy, and that would keep him awake. I told you in an earlier post, that I stopped taking any and all medications, except for just plain tylenol, when needed. So, what can you do when you can't sleep at night?

Natalie and I were at the mall one day, getting some shopping done for our trip to Florida. We walked into the Disney store. (now remember, I was not a huge Winnie the Pooh fan...before Dave Junion put Maddux's image to Kenny Loggins song "Return to Pooh Corner..." Again-thanks Dave...) So, there sitting on this shelf is a classic Pooh Bear. Just beautiful. I had never seen one this color before. Very delicate, with little curly fur, and a very pale cream color. Seeing this Pooh Bear, reminded me so much of Maddux. I had such an attraction to this bear...(please don't laugh...)

"Come on," I thought. "I am not going to buy this Pooh Bear. I am a grown woman." I picked it up, and held it, and Natalie just went wild. "Buy him, MOM!!! BUY HIM!!!" (she already called Pooh a him...) "No, Natalie. Let's go." So we left the store. I swear, that Bear called me for the rest of our time we were in the mall. I HAD TO GO BACK AND BUY HIM. What was I going to do with him though?

Do you know what I did? When I went to bed that night, I got the Pooh Bear out of his bag, (He had on a pink shirt) ((I know -REAL MEN WEAR PINK)) But my husband would never have put his boys in pink, so I snipped the shirt off with sissors. Then I wrapped the Pooh Bear in Maddux's blue "blankie" and crawled into bed. (Remember- all my babies slept with me-still do...Most of the time...) I tried a couple of different positions with my Pooh. I finally settled on my Pooh being placed, tucked alittle bit under my tummy, I am laying on my side, and his head is up, kinda under my ribs. (I still feel like Maddux is inside of me...)

I haven't had problems sleeping since...

My kids know that this is Mommy's bear, and they can play with him, but can't take him out of my room. I take him everywhere with me. He has been to Florida-Jamaica, Jacksonville (yes Kirk) Austin, Beaver Creek, Breckenridge, Keystone,((FYI-Carry on ONLY)) and when I am just sleeping over at a friend's house--Yes, I still have sleepovers...(remember-everything I do is down in Denver, and I live way up in Evergreen)

I had even considered putting some of Maddux's Ashes inside of the bear, but thought if I ever lost him, or if my Beast of a Dog, got ahold of him, I would be very, very, very upset.

So, consider buying a bear, to help you sleep. You can go to Build-A-Bear and custom make a bear, that you think would match your baby. Consider putting a sleeper from your baby on your bear. And of course, wrapping him/her in your baby's "blankie."

Again, We would love to hear your ideas of what has helped you...

Here is also a woman I have been in contact with, that can make memory bears out of your baby's blankets or clothing. Another great idea!

www.tammybears.com (http://www.tammybears.com/):)
Treasure Bears are heirloom teddy bears made from special articles of clothing or fabric that hold a special place in your heart. It could be your baby's blanket, sleeper or your favorite maternity clothing. Your heart won’t let you part with it, but being stored away doesn’t help either. These are just the keepsakes that make beautiful, loving, treasured teddy bears. Tammy will donate $10.00 or 10% of every bear purchased through NILMDTS. Please be sure to mention Now I lay me down to sleep when ordering.



**ISN'T HE THE CUTEST?

[Erica Stone]

I still don't sleep all that well, but I also sleep with a bear - all Cheryl's suggestion - and he goes wherever I go too!

When I went into the hospital to deliver Matthew, the nurses were all really so wonderful and kind to me. Unfortunately they obviously deal with tragedy on a regular basis, because they seemed to have a really good system to deal with families like ours. Anyway, after they had begun the medications to induce me, one of the nurses came in and asked if I wanted a bear to hold on to - she thought it would be helpful. I don't know if they give them to all the mothers who get to take their babies home, but either way it was a lifesaver for me. (I was there overnight and my husband had to go home and take care of the dog and make some other arrangements.) So I took him home, of course, and put him on the chair in my bedroom.

After a few months of REALLY not sleeping, I was telling Cheryl about how bad it was. I didn't want to go to bed without my husband, and if he fell asleep before me I got really upset. Irrational, I know, but I was so freaked out about everything. Any sleep I did manage to get was fitful and not restful at all. She relayed her Pooh bear story and I thought, why not? So a day or two later I picked up that bear.

So Tom thinks it's weird that a grown woman sleeps with a teddy bear, but it helps me, so he doesn't argue. I also decided he needed a name, and we actually came up with it together. I said it had to be a proper name, first and last, with "Mr." in it, and we came up with Mr. Harvey Doodles. It cracks me up, and that's how I refer to him - whole name every time. Also, I must hold on to him pretty tightly, because he's always in my arms regardless of my position or how many times I move or wake up.

[Patrick_Hutchinson]

When my wife was in the hospital for preterm labor, I bought a frog from the gift shop for our future daughter, Rachel. A few weeks later, she was born prematurely and didn't survive. I went home that evening and brought the frog back to the hospital. My wife slept holding the frog one night and I slept holding him the next night. Then the frog slept with Rachel until her funeral. We had originally intended to leave him with her, but there wasn't enough room in her casket with all the other stuff we placed with her (pictures, my little sister's prized baby blanket, and some other stuff). I can't remember for sure, but I believe we did share our bed with the frog for awhile afterwards.

[Megan Kitchin]

I have frog, as well. My mother had come to see me (from Ohio) once she heard I had been admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor/incompetent cervix. On her way up she bought a large frog from the gift shop. It was more to keep me company while in the hospital. When the twins were born, the frog was sort of there looking over my shoulder and became a constant companion after I went home and didn't have my babies to hold onto. I think I slept with it for months. Then, when I hit the really bad times I would hold onto it. For a couple months now it has been sitting on the stack of memory boxes (nesting like) that I have all of their stuff in. It is as if he is sitting on top protecting them. Basically, everyone who comes over knows not to touch the frog. My nephews were here after Graham was born and one of them started to play with the frog. My sister was quick to stop them, but I told them to go ahead, as long as they were careful with it. I know it is crazy, but that was a huge step for me. I held my breath the entire time. My sister brought Graham his own frog and my nephews played with the two together. Someday I hope Graham will play with it as well. Yet, I truly believe that the frog will spend every night on top of those boxes for eternity. Strange, I know, but it comforts me somehow.

Love the Pooh, Cheryl! It looks so soft and cuddly, just like Maddux!

[Jen Eagan]

Love the stories. I have Rocky Raccoon. He has been my "Velveteen Rabbit" of sorts since I was 2 years old. My dad gave him to me. He's been with me through everything- (except when I was in the Navy they wouldn't let me take him to boot camp- I asked!). I took photos of Hannah with Rocky when she was about 6 weeks old (two months before we knew she was sick). I actually brought him to the hospital with me when I was in labor with Kayla. Now he rotates between my bed and that of my youngest daughter- she always feels special when she gets to sleep with Rocky, so whatever it takes to get her to sleep! But I do sleep better with him to this day than when he's not with me. My husband used to tease me about him and threaten to get rid of him whenever we'd be "downsizing"- but as crazy as it sounds, I know in my heart that Rocky has feelings and he will never leave our family.

We did buy Hannah a little very soft panda bear when she was in the hospital, he stayed by her side the whole time- and after we had other kids we kept him sheltered away from them, as he was Hannah's bear. My youngest found him though and fell in love and after 6 years I decided that Hannah would have maybe been willing to share, so now he sleeps with Mackenna.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Oh my gosh, I am so thrilled to read all of the stories posted on here.:D
Thank you all for sharing these 'personal' stories.

[Pennie]

I got a bear from some girls at work after Lukas was born. That bear was with me the whole time I was in the hospital, since Lukas was over at Children's it was like he was with me when I snuggled with the bear. After he died I slept with it for a while, now it sits in the room that was to be for Lukas. I will always associate that bear with Lukas, so someday when we have more children I hope it will have the same importance to them.

I know Lukas is with me everywhere I go and he wathces over our family, that is what helps me sleep the most. :D

[Jessi Hill]

I have a little angel bear that my brother bought Tristan while we were in the hospital. He was always with him in his crib, and in the carseat the day we lost him. I have held onto that bear ever since (unfortunately he is pretty little- beenie baby size) I used to sleep with him everynight, but now he sits on a stand next to my bed. I don't know how I will feel about Trinty playing with him, but I have shared Tristans other toys/ clothes/ furnishings with her. Something I also had mixed feelings about ESPECIALLY THE CAR SEAT! But we did it, and I survived. I still panic often thinking she has stopped breathing... so the poor kid gets poked a lot til she moves. I am working on it though.

[Charlene Lopez]

I have a stuffed calico cat named "fake Tessa" (don't ask why that name) that my sister brought me during my first visit to the hospital with Daniel when I was only 24 weeks pregnant with him. When I had to go in for a 2nd visit to the hospital "fake Tessa" came along and then when we went in to deliver she came along as well. She still sleeps beside me every night.