Three months today

[motherofthree]

Well, technically yesterday, since it is after midnight here. Happy birthday Kavya. Amma misses you sweetie.

I had to work tonight. I was planning on stopping at the grocery on the way home to get Kavya a little cake and some fresh flowers because the carnations I had in her vase were getting a little old. When I got to the Kroger the gate at one of the main entrances were closed so I thought the store was closed (it was after 10pm). So I drove home crying all the way because I got out of work late and didn't get my sweetie her birthday things to make the day more special for her.

Then when I got home my husband told me that they just close off one of the entrances and they are open all night. But by then I couldn't stop crying because I hadn't let myself cry all day. So I drove back to the store crying all the way and managed to dry it up for a few minutes while I ran in and got her fresh pink and white flowers and a sweet little pastel birthday cake. Then I cried all the way home and all through dinner and while cutting her cake and everything. I just couldn't stop.

I cut Kavya a piece of cake and put it infront of her picture and lit a candle. Then me and my husband shared her piece after it had sat there a while. I've been crying off an on since then. I just miss my Kavya so, so much...it seems impossible that it has been three months since we said hello and goodbye....and at the same time it seems like forever since I held her in my arms and kissed her sweet face.

Sometimes my sweet baby, it feels like a dream
All that I witnessed was not as it seemed
I could not imagine how you would be missed
My heart, my life, by an angel was kissed

Happy 3rd month birthday my little miracle. I love you and miss you more every day.

[Amy Joy]

Im sorry you had such a rough night but Im glad that you got to celebrate sweet Kavyas 3 month birthday. Happy 3 months baby girl Kavya. Your momma misses you but dont you worry, we are taking good care of her down here. Hugs and kisses.

[JenniferBrown]

Happy birthday Kavya! Big hugs to you, Beth.... I'm so sorry it was so hard for you last night/today. I pray she sends down some Angel Dust to you to give you some peace today. :)

[Christine Barrack]

Happy Birthday Kavya. Love and prayers for your family. I just love the poem you wrote. Is this something you wrote or from someone else?
I don't know if you are with another support group. But wanted to mention that there is a group called Compassionate Friends you may wish to look up. Even after 13 years I still light my candle in memory of my angel.

[carissa13]

Beth ~ hey there, sorry you are having a sad day! I was thinking of you yesterday, hoping you were doing okay! I wish I could make it better for you but that I can not do! I will pray that peace will find you!!

Happy 3 months in Heaven Kavya, take care of your mommy, she is missing you so!

[Marcus Momma]

I am sure Kavya is up there dancing in the clouds and sprinkling the rain down. Because its sprinkling here. All the babies are up there playing and singing and waiting until the day they get to be with us. She loves you and it means great things to her that you celebrated her 3 month bday and got her some cake. She probably stuck her finger in the icing! Hope you get to feeling better. I sat in my floor last night after everyone went to bed and listened to the songs played at Marcus' funeral and just let it all out. Which is something I haven't done for awhile which is wierd for me.

[linda]

....and dancing with Ethan! She's a beautiful angel with a beautiful purpose! You are an amazing Mother and how you remember and celebrate her are so special. Thank you for sharing your love for her!

I'm thinking of you and praying for you!

[motherofthree]

Thank you all so much for your kindness. It feels so good to know that so many people are thinking about my baby girl and praying for us. I don't even get that much from most of my family members!!! You are all such wonderful people - I'm so lucky I decided to join the forum.

Christine - I wrote that one...I write to her pretty often. I should carry around a journal because I always think of something beautiful while I'm out and about, then when I get home I've forgotten half of what I've written in my head. Anyway, that one is one I composed while I was out, but it's about half as long as it was because I couldn't remember the rest.

[Lyssa Sauer]

You have a gift of words honey and that maybe a source of healing for you. I keep a journal and write in it from time to time. Sometimes words to Payton sometimes words to God and sometimes just my thought that I can not figure out. Use your gift to help your healing and please share with the rest of us if you feel inspired to cause your poem is beautiful!

[motherofthree]

I wasn't sure whether to start a new post or not, and posting this is a little self-indulgent...I just wanted to share. I've been writing quite a bit of poetry about Kavya, and a few of you had mentioned that I could share, so...here is one of my latest.

Numbers and Words

I've often wondered at the significance of the number, "two";
You were missing two kidneys,
You were our second child, our second girl, one of two sisters,
You had two perfect eyes, ears, hands, feet, cheeks;
You have two parents who love you always
And you lived for two amazing hours.

Or perhaps it is the significance of the word, "too".
Your life was too short,
You were too beautiful for words,
You will always be our child, too.
We could never get too much of you,
Were you too amazing to stay?
God needed you too much?

A special significance to the number, the word?
No. The only real significance is "one".
One life lost.
One life mourned.
Always one missing.