Cheryl Haggard
04-03-2006, 07:27 PM
I clearly remember 1 year ago what I was doing on this day. Today is also my wedding anniversary. 13 years. (we've been together 17 years.) Wow-Seems like only yesterday...(kidding...)
One year ago today...My friend Ali, Joanne, Kristi and Kara were coming over to my house to help me sort through and pack up all of Maddux's belongings. I was ready to do this. (Just alittle background on myself...during my C-Section, I elected to have my tubes tied.) We knew that Maddux was going to be our last baby. And I remember laying on the table when my doctor asked me one last time, if I was sure that this was what I wanted. Maddux still wasn't breathing, and I was absolutely sure. I don't know why, (well now I do) but I said yes. Did I regret that decision after Maddux died? You bet! Did I scan the internet for tubal reversal procedures and cost? Yep! But I came to accept, that he was my last, my forever baby.
So, anyhow, last year around this time, Sandy and I had been talking about setting up a non profit, for parents who will or who are at risk of losing their babies in early infancy. I was talking one day to my friend Kara, (her daughter Lydia and my daughter Natalie were in the same PreK class together.) She told me that her family was getting ready to go on a mission trip to Mexico, to help an orphanage. Right then and there, I grabbed her hand, and asked her if she wouldn't mind stopping by the house and taking Maddux's things with her. I saw the tears in her eyes, and she said, "Cheryl, are you sure? Maybe you should wait awhile." I said, YES. I am sure. This is definitely the right thing to do. I didn't even ask Mike. It just felt right.
So, that day, she and my "posse" are at my home. I am sorting through Maddux's clothing, setting aside what I want. What I want to give away. Removing the bedding that I had made for him from his bed, taking apart and down his crib. Folding his highchair, his side sleeper, his navy blue stroller. All of the pacificers that I had sterilized, went into a little plastic bag. All of his little baby toys, that he never got to play with or chew on went into another plastic bag. :( Diapers, Cans of formula that had been given to me. The cute little burb cloths that were hand made...Of course there are tears. Alot of them. My friends did keep me going. We all cried, looking at his tiny little outfits that were given to me at his baby shower.
Then I start talking about the organization that is quickly being formed. Ali and Joanne already know about it and Kara overhears me. She asks me about it, and I kind of brushed it aside, and said, "Call me when you get back from Mexico, then I will fill you in." She grabbed my hands, and said "NO! Give me the short end of it now!" So I did. That is how I heard about her husband Peter and his company Truewell. He designs websites, and something about hosting. She said, "We will do this for you." Within days, he had built a site, had images and Maddux's DVD on there. It was amazing. Kara and I would spend hours every day learing how to add, edit and delete all sorts of things on this site.
Thank you Kara, Ali, Joanne and Kristi, for being there for me that day, and helping me sort through Maddux's belongings. It truly was another turning point in my life. Knowing that Maddux's stuff would be helping so many children, that aren't as privileged as most here are. That was just another way to honor his tiny life.
Sorting through Maddux's belongings was very healing for me. It was something that I personally had to do. I had alot of people offer to just do this for me, but I always said NO. I am his mother, I will do this...
One year ago today...My friend Ali, Joanne, Kristi and Kara were coming over to my house to help me sort through and pack up all of Maddux's belongings. I was ready to do this. (Just alittle background on myself...during my C-Section, I elected to have my tubes tied.) We knew that Maddux was going to be our last baby. And I remember laying on the table when my doctor asked me one last time, if I was sure that this was what I wanted. Maddux still wasn't breathing, and I was absolutely sure. I don't know why, (well now I do) but I said yes. Did I regret that decision after Maddux died? You bet! Did I scan the internet for tubal reversal procedures and cost? Yep! But I came to accept, that he was my last, my forever baby.
So, anyhow, last year around this time, Sandy and I had been talking about setting up a non profit, for parents who will or who are at risk of losing their babies in early infancy. I was talking one day to my friend Kara, (her daughter Lydia and my daughter Natalie were in the same PreK class together.) She told me that her family was getting ready to go on a mission trip to Mexico, to help an orphanage. Right then and there, I grabbed her hand, and asked her if she wouldn't mind stopping by the house and taking Maddux's things with her. I saw the tears in her eyes, and she said, "Cheryl, are you sure? Maybe you should wait awhile." I said, YES. I am sure. This is definitely the right thing to do. I didn't even ask Mike. It just felt right.
So, that day, she and my "posse" are at my home. I am sorting through Maddux's clothing, setting aside what I want. What I want to give away. Removing the bedding that I had made for him from his bed, taking apart and down his crib. Folding his highchair, his side sleeper, his navy blue stroller. All of the pacificers that I had sterilized, went into a little plastic bag. All of his little baby toys, that he never got to play with or chew on went into another plastic bag. :( Diapers, Cans of formula that had been given to me. The cute little burb cloths that were hand made...Of course there are tears. Alot of them. My friends did keep me going. We all cried, looking at his tiny little outfits that were given to me at his baby shower.
Then I start talking about the organization that is quickly being formed. Ali and Joanne already know about it and Kara overhears me. She asks me about it, and I kind of brushed it aside, and said, "Call me when you get back from Mexico, then I will fill you in." She grabbed my hands, and said "NO! Give me the short end of it now!" So I did. That is how I heard about her husband Peter and his company Truewell. He designs websites, and something about hosting. She said, "We will do this for you." Within days, he had built a site, had images and Maddux's DVD on there. It was amazing. Kara and I would spend hours every day learing how to add, edit and delete all sorts of things on this site.
Thank you Kara, Ali, Joanne and Kristi, for being there for me that day, and helping me sort through Maddux's belongings. It truly was another turning point in my life. Knowing that Maddux's stuff would be helping so many children, that aren't as privileged as most here are. That was just another way to honor his tiny life.
Sorting through Maddux's belongings was very healing for me. It was something that I personally had to do. I had alot of people offer to just do this for me, but I always said NO. I am his mother, I will do this...