Going back to work

[Jayme]

Assuming that everything is in order at my 6 week postpartum checkup today, I will be going back to work as a teacher tomorrow. As much I don't want life to go back to "normal" (which I know it never really will), it is time. The time is a mixed blessing, I only have 3 weeks of school left and only 1 of those is a 5 day week. That not only means it will go fast but there is also less that I have to get done. I can pretty much go in and wrap things up and just enjoy the time with the kids. The downside is, the kids are usually crazy this time of year and me being back will only add to that. I'm guessing the first day or two, they will behave and be nice to me but beyond that- kids at the end of the school year are kids at the end of the school year. I just hope that it is not too stressful.
Please pray for my strength, for me to be open to share with my kids so that they can grow, and for my patience. I also ask for prayers of strength and patience for my coworkers as they learn to know and (hopefully) love the new me.
I can't tell you how helpful you all are. As much as it hurts me to know the reasons that you are here, it is helpful to know that I am not alone and to have a place to come where I know people truly do understand and truly do care. This place is a blessing. Thank you Cheryl for being willing to allow something so beautiful to come from your pain and for sharing your little Maddux with us so that we inturn could share our littles ones. And thank you to Sam for having such a loving and generous heart and giving your time and support to all of us. What you ladies started is a wonderful wonderful thing.
I can't wait until we can enjoy heaven with our beautiful babies! What a huge reunion that will be!

Blessings,

Jayme

[Vicki]

Jayme,

What age of kids do you teach?

It sounds like you are ready to tackle this return to work and deal with the munchkins as they get excited about the upcoming summer break . . . I remember very clearly getting sooooo anxious for it to start and wondering what kind of fun I was going to have . . .
You have our prayers but I think you will do just fine . . . I've been reading yours posts since your loss you have shown such caring and strength and have been so honest with your pain . . .
I can just imagine this little light dancing around you as you head back to the classroom . . . your own little angel bringing you love and I hope, laughter . . .
Good luck!!! and keep us posted!!!

Vicki

[Cheryl Haggard]

As much I don't want life to go back to "normal" (which I know it never really will), it is time.

Jayme, Think of it now as finding your 'new normal.'
My thoughts will be with you. Realize that it will be hard, and all the what if's and should be's will be going through your head, and that is ok. That is 'normal' now. When you need a moment to be alone, do it. I will be thinking of you...
C

[Jayme]

Thank you ladies. Vicki, I teach preschool - 8th grade music. I love the picture of Justin dancing around me. Dancing with babies is one of my favorite things...

[Cheryl Haggard]

Let me tell you about music...My daughter (6th grade) missed a choir concert this year, (pre planned) and the teacher gave her make up work...She had to see a live performance and write a review. So, we did this. Took her to a musical at one of the highschools...I felt bad for her, so I helped her write the review, and we got a B. This was her only B in Middle School. This B, was the only reason she did not get a 4.0! Blah!!!!

Thanks for letting me VENT. This really irritated me. Her GPA is a 3.9286

[amburke2]

Jayme,
I volunteer at my church to teach Sunday School to 4-year-olds, and I had a hard time going back at first (mostly because I was mad at God, not because I didn't want to see the kids). When I did go back, though, it was great! Several kids let me know that they missed me, and they were just so joyful and fun to talk to during circle and snack time. I'll be praying for a similar positive experience for you.

[Joshua's Mom]

Jayme,

I hope all went well for you during your first day back at school. What a blessing you to all those children to bring music into thier lives. Music is a passion of mine...my husband and I own a musical instrument store. While I have been to our store to work since I lost my little angel, I dread my return to my "actual paying job" in two weeks. I am ready to work again, but I am not ready to deal with the people.

I will pray for your strength and patience through the next few weeks. God Bless.

[marylouise]

Jayme, how did your 1st day back at school go?

[Jayme]

My first day went pretty well. The hard part for me was names- I have two boys in my school named Justin. The tough part was, the one in preschool wasn't paying attention and I had to get after him a few times. I felt guilty/sad that I had to use my son's name in that context or tone. Although it made me think that I'm sure I would have had to use it with my own son had he been 4 years old.
The kids were very excited to see me which was nice. I got lots of hugs. The hard part is going to be the questions that continue over the next few weeks. My dear kindergarteners, (you have to love the brutal honesty of 5 years but sometimes it hurts) wanted to know where my baby was. I told them he was in heaven and they were pretty excited about that. But then they wanted to know if I would have other babies and if I had a boy if I would name him Justin also. There complete innocence was touching but I wasn't really prepared for all of those questions.
We also had our 8th grade recognition dinner tonight. I am glad that I was able to attend but it was certainly emotional. I am tired of seeing people for the first time since Justin died- if that makes any sense. But it will be nice to have a weekend before I go back for a full week.
Thank you so much for those who asked. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers that I know surrounded me today!

[amburke2]

Jayme,
I'm glad your first day back was a positive one! Explaining to the little ones can be hard...I wasn't so much afraid to tell them the truth so much as I was afraid they'd tell their parents and THEY would not be happy with me (because, you know, babies aren't supposed to die). A little odd, isn't it?

Anyway, I also know what you mean about being tired of people...it seems like you went for weeks taking time to yourself, and then all of a sudden you can't really do that, and it's easier to overload. Enjoy the weekend, and remember that summer break is only a few weeks away!

[Jayme]

summer break is only a few weeks away

amen to that! You would think that after 6 weeks off, I wouldn't be so eager for summer... yeah right! I can't wait for it. It is nice to have some closure with the kids though.