Easter Sunday was a hard day

[Deb Stoner]

My mind was wondering again--What would Marah look like in a little Easter dress? Would her black hair still be curly? Would she have found all of her eggs that the bunny hid? She would be 2 and 4 months. Her first egg hunt! Just when I thought all of the "firsts" were behind me; I found another one.

The fact that it is spring, which brings new life is part of what sets my thoughts reeling. I am hoping that some day I can get through one holiday that I don't tear up. I guess I'm making progress because I remember thinking a few years ago that I hoped I could get through one holiday without totally loosing it.

Also, I've been thinking of this question lately. How will I answer Gretchen when she asks if we would have had her if Marah hadn't died. (Marah was going to be our last.) Maybe she will never ask. I don't know. I can't imagine life without Gretchen and am so giddy whenever I look at her.

[Tammy]

Deb~ (hugs to you)
Just wanted to let you know I thought of you and Marah today, and said a little prayer for you both.
I know spring is a difficult time for you. While working in Marah's garden, your mind and heart are with her, I believe she knows this. What a special and beautiful thing you do in memory your little girl. I can imagine her saying with a smile on her face, "Look! My mommy makes a special garden just for me!"

As for the question and little Gretchen, there simply is no way of knowing if you will ever be faced with having to answer her. My thought is God needed Marah, and gave Gretchen to you. I don't know if that helps any, but if and when that time should come, you will know how to respond to her question.

Please know you are in my thoughts as you continue through your healing journey, and know if you need to talk, I'm here and my line is open. The purpose for us being here is to help support each other when those difficult days come. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, and just to let you know I think you are a wonderful person, Eli, Marah and Gretchen have an amazing mom!

[Cheryl Haggard]

Deb,
I think you are doing great.
Just to answer that question for you, Anna was supposed to be our last, Then Natalie was supposed to be our last, Then Maddux came along.
Tell Gretchen that you have her, and that she is part of God's plan...Just like her big sissy, Marah.

[Scott Hays]

Our daughter Kaley, who is 14 asked the, "would you have had me" question just about a month ago. It took me off guard as I never even thought about it. Without hesitation something along the lines of "of course, there isn't even a question about it" came out of my mouth. She then went on to explain that she has always felt that she knew she was meant to be because since we only had two children, that since she was the third, she knew we had planned on her, and wanted her. It was a thought that always gave her comfort. Like I said, the whole question took me back, but the answer was simple. It came out without hesitation. No big explanation, just a simple, of course, we love you.

[Megan Kitchin]

Deb,

Thinking of you and Marah!!!!! We've already talked about this some, so I won't go on and on. Gret and Graham can talk amongst themselves when they are older and maybe come to a consensus amongst the two of them in regards to whether they would be here..."Of course" is a great answer! Can it really be that simple???

I think of Marah with her long, dark curls, wearing one of those girly spring dresses you put Gret in, toddling barefoot in her garden full of giggles and sunshine!!!!