Im pregnant again and it happened really fast!

[Candice]

Please help! I am lost in my thoughts and my whirlwind of emotions! We lost Alexis just over two months ago on May 5th and We just found out last night that I am already pregnant again!!!!! We decided to start trying again now because we figured it would probably take a while to get pregnant again. I guess it was not logical thinking but my thought process was spiritual. I thought that God took my baby away from me and he would probably not be giving me another one anytime soon. I am very happy about this new baby because I still have a huge desire to be a mommy everyday. I have a desire to have a baby that I can watch grow up! No amount of babies can ever replace my beautiful daughter I just needed to feel my motherly void! However I am still deep in the grieving process for Alexis. I am afraid that the people around me are going to expect me to be magically better now that I have a new baby on the way! This baby is not going to make me miss my daughter anyless! They are two different children, ONE IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR THE OTHER! And I really dont want people to look at it that way! I also dont want people to forget my daughter and how special she is! I want people to understand that I still need to grieve and now I will have two children not one! Please can you guys share your experiences with me? Did any of you deal with the joy of a new baby at the same time that you were grieving for your lost child? Please help! I am lost in my own head!

[Dawn Marshall]

I have no experience...but I just want to say Congratulations on your pregnancy!

It's unfortunate that anyone would ever expect you to not grieve your precious Alexis. I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember that you have lots of friends here who are always ready to listen and give you a (((hug))) as you grieve.

[marylouise]

Candice, I totally agree With Dawn. I know how hard it was for my daughter to be happy about her pregnaancy when she had just lost her Dad. Many mixed emotions. Sending you hugs and prayers.

[kattie05]

I know the feelin. I have lost my son London for 2 months now and I think I might be preganat again but not for sure. An I have the same thoughts. I and know how you feel about that havin another baby will not replace to first one b/c they are there own person ever though there not here. But Congrats on the new baby I hope the best for you and your family.

[Kathy Schneider]

Hi there,
I've been there. We lost our daughter 9/11/01 and were pregnant not long after my 6 week check. Our son was born on 8/1/02. When I went in for my first OB appointment, they set Matthew's due date at 8/11. I told them, if it was at all possible I didn't want him born on the same day of the month as Isabelle. They told me they probably wouldn't let me go to 40 weeks anyways. It was hard having one so close, but also very comforting. I too had a big maternal void and really wanted a child. I was so afraid that since we lost Izzy, we wouldn't be able to have another child. I was wrong. I think the few months after you have a child if you aren't breast feeding are very fertile months for most people. I don't think most people think you are replacing your angel baby with the new baby, but I think many people think we were rushing it. For us, it was very good to do it sooner than later. To keep us and others remembering, we always talk about Izzy and that Matthew was our second child and Andrew our third. Even our boys talk about her all the time (they are 3 and 5). We say we have 3 children, one in heaven and 2 here on earth. Congrats. BTW, there is a really good book called "Pregnancy after a loss" by Carol Cirulli Lanham that really addresses some of these issues. Good luck.

[MadiAidMak]

I too had a huge void after the loss of our twins. I found out i was pregnant the day after they would have been six months( i am now 20 weeks) I think no matter the time you will have mixed emotions. You are correct that you cant replace one with another. I hope that all goes well and I will be praying for you,Hugs!!!

[Nicole Williams]

((((hugs)))) Candice! We lost our baby on August 16th, 2004 and by the end of September, I realized I was pregnant again. I was really worried everyone would be a little mad because I was in the SAME spot you were, thinking I was being punished for something and here I am pregnant again. I was scared that God would take the new baby away from me, I was scared the doctors would be upset (because I had just given birth and they told me to wait at least 3 cycles....I never had one), I was worried my family would be upset becuase they would feel like I thought I could replace that baby, or because the doctors told me to wait. Although that pregnancy was not easy BECAUSE I was trying to deal with regular pregnancy emotions and worries while grieving the loss of my other child...in May of 2005 we delivered our first boy after 4 girls, and he has been such a blessing. My family actually acted different than I thought. I thought they would feel like I was trying to replace our other child, but really...they felt that way, and it took everything I could do to make them see that this new baby could never replace our other baby. Now that Camden is here and blessing our lives, I still have an angel that sits on my mantle, and I think about her often...and my heart is still empty in her spot. The doctors were baffled because I wasn't even "supposed" to be able to get pregnant that fast (lol)...normally your cycles take a little while to start back up after birth.

We have an angel...we always will, and nothing will ever change that. Your love for your angel is a special kind of love, and I've realized over the years that I'm lucky to have that special kind of love and a special angel waiting on me when I enter those pearly gates. ((((hugs)))) your angel has a baby brother or sister now, and you are going to be JUST fine! You know we are here for support....I wish I had known of this board back when we lost our angel.

[Candice]

Thank you everyone! Your words really are sooooo helpful! This morning was the first morning I woke up excited instead of freaked out! I miss my daughter more than anything but I am really starting to get excited about the new baby.

[Marcus Momma]

Congrats on being pregnant.

[motherofthree]

First let me say congratulations on your second child!

But to address your fears - I feel the same way. I felt like when I announced my pregnancy to my family they were shocked - especially my mother - and took it as a sign that I was "over it". My mother, interestingly, is the least understanding even though she has herself lost a child. She reacted a little coldly - implying that it was too soon, or that she just couldn't believe I was done mourning Kavya.

While I feel ready to bring new life into the world once again, I will never be over the pain of losing Kavya. And being pregnant again has even reawakened some of the old pain, and much more fear.

Fortunately, the vast majority of people in the world will never understand the pain, fear, and uncertainties we face on a day-to-day basis. However, it would be nice to receive some of that good ol' empathy and understanding from these same people. I hope that you find htis wiht your family. That they take it in a positive spirit while understanding that your loss is still fresh and painful, that they don't stop honoring your first child's memory while this new one is on the way.

[Brooke]

Candice,

First off Congratulations to you!!! It is a very scary yet exciting at the same time. There are so many emotions when your expecting a new baby and to have had to experience the loss of a precious baby is even more difficult, but it is well worth it. I can tell you that because I have had a successfull birth after a loss. Caden is now 9 1/2 months old and is a happy healthy crawling baby boy!!!

For my husband and I we delievered our daugther Emma on October 10, 2006. We found out February 2, 2007 that we were once again pregnant. I had exactly three cycles before we conceived Caden, and weren't even actively trying, but obviously not preventing it very well either. February 2, 2007 was Emma's original due date. Caden's expected due date was October 10, 2007. Look at the dates. Is it a coincidence or was his sister, Emma working with God from heaven. I like to think so. So I was excited yet very scared also. That comes with the territory.

So all the emotions your experiencing right now are very normal considering what you've been through recently. People will undoubtly say things that will come across as uncarring and rude but just remember that each baby is a gift from God and it was meant to be. Remember that God had each baby in his plan before they were even conceived by us. Having a baby is just a miricle in itself. Just try to enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and think as many happy thoughts as possible. Good luck in the rest of your pregnancy and I'll be praying in the end you are blessed with a happy healthy baby!!! Take care.

Ps. I have that book that was mentioned above, Pregnancy after a Loss. If you'd like it I can certainly send it to you. Just let me know.

Love,

Brooke-Mommy to Carter-5 1/2, Ethan- 3, Caden- 9 1/2 months, &