Suggestions for Grieving Family?

[Tammy Councilman]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I figured I would start here. One of the families at our church has suffered a tragic loss and we really want to reach out to them.

We met Brian and Cathy through RCIA when we started attending St Paul's in Greensboro and realized we had alot in common (they have three girls and we have two children and one on the way). Things were going along fine until the Christmas holiday. Cathy and Brian were both sick and on and off different medications but it seemed like Brian got better and Cathy didn't. After 6 weeks of antibiotics Cathy was admitted to the hospital for what they thought was a severe bout of pneumonia only to find out she had an 8 pound tumor in her chest. They drained the fluid, ran tests, and told her she had lung cancer. She never smoked a day in her life.

She went through every imaginable treatment, chemo, radiation, the works and held on as long as she could. Cathy passed away last Tuesday 7/8 at the age of 34 leaving behind a grieving husband and three girls (Miranda 7, Abigail 5, Caroline 19 months). Cathy comes from a very large family of 7 siblings so not only are her husband and girls grieving but the rest of her family and his family too. Our church is pretty shaken up and after the funeral Friday several of us decided we'd like to do something mroe than just flowers for the family. Now that Brian is a single dad raising three children by himself it's got to be overwhelming. Does anyone have any suggestions on what we can do to help them??? We want to put our money to good use and we also don't want to offend him because he's very private. We thought he might start a fund for the girls but he asked for donations to be sent to Hospice. Not that we know better, but as a mom I would think any monetary gift we can provide to help with the children would be money put to good use.

Your feedback and prayers are much appreciated!!!

Tammy Councilman
Area Coordinator, Greensboro NC
www.portraitexpressions.org (http://www.portraitexpressions.org)

[motherofthree]

The one gift that helped me most was that my sister got together with a friend of hers and fixed me tons of frozen meals that could be easily cooked in the oven - some without even being thawed. This is something that could easily be done by a church group - especially in the interests of respecting Brian's wishes to not have monetary donations. And this way they can have home cooked comfort foods and avoid eating out, which would just be additional financial strain.

In the depths of grief it is hard to remember to eat, let alone cook - I think this is the most useful things I was given, especially as after the loss of our daughter, we had her older sister to have to remember to feed, etc. (Might be a good idea to find out if they have a large or extra deep freezer).

I think there are websites out there that are dedicated to recipes such as this...if you would like to do something like this, I can contact my sister and ask her where she got all of her recipes and let you know.

Other things that you could offer to do is offer to do the grocery shopping (something my husband would be at a loss doing by himself), or offer to take the girls out sometime to give him his own time to grieve. Or offer to take the girls out shopping for their school clothes and supplies, since school is about to start, and that may be a job that fell under Cathy's "realm".

I will pray for this family - their peace, strength, and healing. I hope I've been of some help!

[marylouise]

Tammy,after my Mom died people told me stories about her. some things that I didn't even know. I know this helped me. Maybe you could ask others to write down stories about Cathy. This way her children will learn about her, and in the future these memories will be priceless.
Maybe people could pitch in &, do laundry and cleaning, something that needs to be done, but Dad has enough on his plate with his grief & that of his children. It's one less thing he has to deal with
I'll also ask one of my bride's what they did after her sister died leaving little ones behind.
I will keep you, your parish and this family in my prayers.
Hugs

[Cheryl Haggard]

We want to put our money to good use and we also don't want to offend him because he's very private. We thought he might start a fund for the girls but he asked for donations to be sent to Hospice. Not that we know better, but as a mom I would think any monetary gift we can provide to help with the children would be money put to good use.


Tammy, why don't you consider setting up college funds for each of the girls, in honor of their mother, Cathy, at a local bank. This is always a parents dream for their child. At the funeral you can have little cards printed for every person with account information. You can also make the suggestion that every year (in Cathy's memory) they donate to this fund. Or holidays, birthdays or anytime they want...This way, they are honoring a parents dream, honoring Cathy's memory and helping the girls...

[Andy Rea]

Tammy,

Thank you for sharing their unfortunate story and the willingness your church family has to help. Our church family would often times offer grieving families meals. We would coordinate 5-10 families and switch every night of the week for 2-3 weeks with different meals. Some simple and some a little nicer. Many times we found that the "everyday" functions were the hardest to get back to. I hope this helps and we will pray that all the people will feel comfort soon.

Kindest Blessings,
Andy

[Tricia Hackney]

As a scrapper (okay, I would be - if I had more time) - I like Mary Louise's idea. When our Pastor's wife passed away unexpectedly - the church made scrapbooks for her grandchildren that would never have the opportunity to know her. Each person created one page that consised of letter and a photo if the had it - telling Jeanie's grandchildren a story about her or what they would remember most about her. Thank you for sharing their story, I will certainly say a prayer for them. Bless you so much for thinking of them and trying to help.!

[Tammy Councilman]

Thank you all for your prayers, blessings, and suggestions. I just emailed our small church group and shared these ideas with them. I especially liked the scrapbooking idea and setting up the college funds for the girls. The back to school shopping was a wonderful idea as well and will certainly accommodate their immediate needs.

I think our church has coordinated meals but I've asked one of the ladies in the office to verify for me. Preparing meals can be quite a task when you have young ones at home and I'm sure they would really appreciate that too.

You all are an amazing group of people and I thank you from the bottom of my heart on behalf of this sweet family for sending out your well wishes during such a difficult time. You can find so much comfort here on the forum amongst perfect strangers that it is a blessing to me once more to be part of this group.

Tammy Councilman
Area Coordinator, Greensboro NC
www.portraitexpressions.org (http://www.portraitexpressions.org)

[Tammy Councilman]

I have another special request! The small church group and I decided on setting up education funds for the girls and I thought it would be nice to make some donation cards. I had taken their family picture before Cathy passed away and thought it would be nice to use that picture on the card. I don't have any skills though when it comes to designing cards! Does anyone have a template I could use or any suggestions? I have Photoshop but have never attempted to make anything other than 4x8 greeting cards :rolleyes:.

Thank you!

Tammy Councilman
Area Coordinator, Greensboro NC
www.portraitexpressions.org (http://www.portraitexpressions.org)

[marylouise]

Tammy, PM Jen Brown, she does wonderful work.
Jen, I knew you wouldn't mind.
Hugs

[Tammy Councilman]

Thank you Mary Louise! I sent Jennifer a PM and she said she was on the phone with you! She asked me to forward the info and pics to her and she would help me. You guys are great!

Tammy Councilman
Area Coordinator, Greensboro NC
www.portraitexpressions.org (http://www.portraitexpressions.org)