Work related question

[A&JPearce]

I have a question about going back to work etc. I am sceduled to head back to work on 5/22/06. I am scared to death that I will not be able to perform well at my job. I am a Social Worker and I do Child Abuse investigation for a living. This means I deal with so many different infant and Child abuse/neglect. I am going to try my best, but I do not know how I will be able to hold in my own emotions. I keep thinking I will be in the mindset of still keeping Children safe. Then I keep thinking, how am I going to be nice to these parents who intentionally harm, or put their Children in harms way?

Just wondering if anyone else has had problems going back to their jobs?

[Tina Gunn]

Just wanted to say I am a photographer for NILMDTS and I worked in the sytem for a few yrs and still do volunteer work. It kills me when I watch a family go through this when then watch another family do harm to their child and have them returned. The system makes me sooo angry. Your emotions will be intense, you will be sad and angery thats ok. You may not be able to hold on to your emotions. Take a step away and cry then come back. You would not be in that job if you were not the right person. The job in general breaks people down you have been through a situation and loss the job will not be a easy one to return too. I doubt I've helped a lot but I do know where your coming from. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Tina Gunn

[Tammy]

Allison,
Great minds think alike. :) This is a topic (going back to work)I've had on my list of "things to discuss and post about". I just want to say that I truly admire and have great respect for you, and the occupation you are in. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like having to deal with ignorant parents who take their children for granted, let alone having to deal with these issues knowing your own personal loss of your own child.

What I can suggest to you is discuss your concerns openly and honestly with the appropriate people at the agency you work for. Let them know your thoughts and feelings about your job, and how very emotional it may be for you after what you have been through. Maybe you want to take things slow at first. I apologize I don't know the ins and outs of what you do, but maybe there would be a way for you to ease back into the job. Maybe doing something where you do not have to deal with the issues on a face to face level right away, just on paper? Then see how that goes for you...
After that, when you feel comfortable enough, you could go to the next step.

I think the key thing is talking about your feelings with your employer... it won't be easy but after they clearly understand where you are coming from, I'd be willing to bet they would work with you in this circumstance. At least I hope they would. If not, in my opinion... different job, different agency... something different.

Hope this helps you some in taking a step in the right direction. Please keep me posted on how this goes for you (if you want to) I'm curious as to what kind of response you receive back from the agency.

[Cheryl Haggard]

Allison,
I think that you will find out that after the loss of Vincent, you are a different person. You will be more sensitive, more caring and more aware of what is important. Things that were important to you before, will be trivial now. I don't think anybody could ask for a better person in the job you that you will be in. You will be fair.

Yes, I get very upset when I hear of parents abusing their children, neglecting their children. I get upset when I hear mothers talking about how 'Clean' their house is and don't want their children playing in them... Then I hear comments like, "They are doing the best with the situation they have been given..." What are their situations? That phrase irritates me like nothing else. Do we all want to talk about 'situations?'

Priorities change. You have to do the best you can do. Nothing more, nothing less. You don't have to 'prove' yourself. And the others are right, If things get too emotional, take a 'time out.' Step back, and evaluate the situation. Remember, everybody is expecting you to be fair. And here is another word I hate, detached. Not involved, unemotional. Blah Blah Blah. I find that the best workers in these careers, are the one that care, are involved and show a genuine concern.

I really didn't mean to rattle off...
And I apologize if I got off the subject.
We are all here for you Allison, and your husband.
You are in my thoughts.
Cheryl

[Megan Kitchin]

Allison,

I want to commend you for the work you do! And I can only imagine how difficult it will be to go back to work in an environment where you see parents not only taking their kids for granted, but abusing them, as well. My advise would be to take one case at a time and put your emotions into doing what is best for the child/children. And I 100% agree with everyone in regards to taking a step back to let your emotions out and then step back in. Easier said than done, I know!

The idea of going back to work scared me to death, as well. Actually, I had quit my job to pursue fertility treatments (my position was in investments and was VERY stressful) and had planned to go back to school for Sonography (ultrasound). Two weeks after I resigned we found out I was pregnant with the twins. So I didn't have an immediate position to go back to after my boys were born and died. And I had withdrawn from the sonography progaram I was enrolled in because I had planned to stay at home with my boys for a year or so. Anyhow, the idea of interviewing and working in any environment where I would have to make presentations or basically work with anyone scared me to death!!! I had total anxioty attacks over it. I was terrified someone would ask me a question and I would just start crying. Short story long, I ended up interviewing for a homeworker position with a contractor for the US Patent office. I literally shook the entire time. It was a position I was way overqualified for, yet it was something I could do at home and only see people face to face once a week. Keeping busy helped me a lot. Sort of gave me a purpose to do something for me. I decided when Graham was born to stay home with him full-time, and until I have to don't want to take anytime away from him, regardless of the opportunity to work from home. Going back to a career position, in an office setting still scares me to this day, but someday I will take the plunge.

Being terrified to return to work is a normal emotion. I have met several woman who's children have died and all have had a difficult time returning. Some did and some decided to take some time to heal. Not everyone has the choice, but please know you are not alone in your feelings.

My mom is a teacher and she had a hard time returning to her school and dealing with all of the parents who couldn't care less about their children (she works for an urban school district). She would tell my sister how she just wanted to pop them in the nose! I don't think she ever did, but I do know there were several times she had to excuse herself, go to the bathroom and let her emotions out so she could continue with the face to face in a rational manner. And she is the grandma. Being the mom involves so much more emotion.

I have totally rambled. Sorry. If you need to vent to us, we are here!

[Deb Stoner]

Hi Allison, I'm a teacher (2nd grade) and had baby Marah in the month of Dec and hadn't planned on returning to work that school yr. After Marah died, I decided to go back after 6 weeks. It was difficult, but also beneficial. One thing that helped me was during my first two days there was a sub that was also assigned to my position, just in case I needed to leave the room. There also were several co-workers close to me that would come in and check as the weeks went by and offer me a break. I know teaching is different than your job, but maybe this will help give you some ideas. The principal also came in and "fielded" questions from the students before I returned so I didn't have to be overwhelmed with the them. I remember the hardest thing was singing with the kids. I COULDN'T do it! Before I left on maternity leave I always sang with them throughout the day and the throught of singing after Marah died made me want to burst into tears--strange what sticks out in my mind.

[Tammy]

I was not working at the time when Chase was born. I had a stressful pregnancy due to the fact our family went from two incomes down to one. I remember feeling helpless, becuase I was pregnant and knew the chances of finding another job before Chase was born were little to nothing. People told me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, and not to worry so much. I now wish I would have followed that advice better. If only I would have known.
I also remember thinking how this pregnancy would go to full~term since I wasn't working. Both of my other kids were born early, one was six weeks early and the other two weeks. Chase was four weeks early. I tricked myself into believing the reason my sons were early was because I was working full-time at the hospital.
I have a difficult time talking about this.... because I place a lot of blame on myself (still) for being so stressed about trivial matters like finances. I can't help but to think if I would have calmed down some, and truly enjoyed my pregnancy with Chase more, if the out come would have been different... which of course I know it probably wouldn't have been, but my mind won't allow me to get past that.
I am back at work now in a different job. I work for a brokerage company that deals with different types of medical/health/life insurance and annuities. Going back to work for me was more of a have to rather than want to situation. At the time I started interviewing, I still did not want to be around people outside of my family. I felt uncomfortable, like the whole world knew what had happened with Chase, and it was my fault. The strange thing for me is, the place I am working at now, was the only place where Chase came up in my interview. I was asked the question, "What's the most difficult thing you've had to deal with or go through in your life." I was hesitant at first, talking about the death of my baby, but I had to be honest. Going through this has been one of the most difficult things, along with the passing of two other close family members only two years prior to this (which I had not yet come to terms with, then on top of all that....) .....I thought this was going to either make or break my interview and a chance to get hired. Two weeks later, I was hired.
Strange how things work...

[Tammy]

5/20/06
Allison~
Just a note to say my thoughts are with you as you return to your job on Monday. I hope things go well. Know we are here if you need a 'venting' session ;) Remember to take things slow if you need to. Best wishes to you~