My Angel's Mom is not doing well..is there any free help for her

[Teresa Howell]

Tonight I delivered My Angel A's dvd and cd. I made a shadow box. I gave the angel wings and halo to mom.

Orginally, mom was to meet but she is just having such a hard time that she can't leave the house. So she sent her mom, Angel A's grandmother, to meet me.

The conversation I had with the grandmother was detailed. The Angel's Mom is so depressed and feels she will never get past this and has made some very scary statements.

Does anyone know of any resources (free) to help her...counseling maybe?

I dropped off the DVD at 7:45 and at 8:15 I missed a call and when I returned the call at 9:00 the voice I heard at the other end was nothing but full of elation and happiness. The first words I heard were "Thank you Ms Teresa you have given me my life back. I have proof that I did cry and I did love my baby". Those words hit me hard.

I talked to her for 30 minutes and the family in background continued to play the dvd over and over and over. By the time we hung up, mom was crying again.

I told her I wish she had access to a computer so she could come to the forum and talk with other parents that have experienced the same pain and the same feelings.

I do not know how to help or ethically should I offer to find help but being a psych nurse, I know I can't walk away when someone is suffering such mental, emotional and physical pain....I can't turn my head. How do I help her?

You know I worked on the dvd for days. I never broke down not one while I was working to get the perfect dvd. I decided I should play the dvd on our TV to see what it looks like on a bigger screen. I was no longer connected as a creater (so to speak) but as mom, well, the tears came and I broke down. I could not finish watching the dvd. Maybe I was just exhausted. I had such a huge lump in my throat. The first questions in my head were "How does anyone get past this, how do you move on in your life". The only thing that popped into my head was what was pounded into my head my entire life.....turn it over to God and let him have his will.

Kirk, Dale, Vicki, HainaAngel, so many others with their input enabled me to create a memory that has made this grieving mother smile....maybe it was short lived but she did smile.

To hear her say thank you in such an excitable voice made me smile on the inside.

Then I realized I made a difference in someone's life today. Gosh it feels so dang good too!

[Jennifer Harder-Finley]

Teresa,
Thank you so much for helping this family. You have been such a blessing to them and to me. I am grateful that there are other photographers in our area who so willingly give of themselves. In this tragic situation, you have been an angel sent to this family.

[JenniferBrown]

I know that here at our local hospital there is a grief support group. The lady that heads up everything is usually there when the baby is born and gives them a packet of information full of that stuff before they leave.
I would call the head nurse for fetal demise and ask her if they have those programs available to the families and maybe see if she has a way to call and check in on her.

Just my 2 cents.

[Tanya]

That is so worrying but it sounds like you have made a huge impact on her, for the good. It is such a shame she doesn't have access to a computer. I did a quick search and came across this: http://www.nmha.org/go/find_support_group. I hope she can find some support.

[Vicki]

Teresa . . .
I found this just by googling "parent grief support group charleston SC" . . .

There were others listed as well . . .
Also Teresa . . . remember this:
Every path you have taken in your life has led you to this mother and her family . . . you were meant to be just where you are, doing just what you do. To doubt this is to doubt what God had in store for you and his immense faith in you to handle this for him . . . I don't believe for one minute that your connection with this family, with this mother, is random or accidental. Just as I don't believe that the meeting between Cheryl and Sam was random or accidental . . . everything unfolds just as it is meant to and you were meant for this family . . . So go ahead and cry and hurt and grieve . . . you've already shared their biggest heart-break so you've earned the right to cry with them.
BIG BIG HUGS to you for the kindness that you have shown this family and for following through even though it is not required of you . . .

Vicki
(You can probably just google this again)

Angels of Ours Support Group
Charleston,SC
Director: Karen McMillan, Trident Hospital, South Carolina:843-797-3469.
"Angels of Ours" is an emerging support group, which is parent and hospital based in the Charleston area with a Perinatal Bereavement counselor/facilitator. Groups meet regularly.
<"The next meetings are scheduled to be February 18, April 15,Jun 17. We meet from 12:00-2:00. We encourage families to call to register 843-797-3469 because lunch is provided. "

[motherofthree]

The support group affiliated with my hospital has been such a huge help to me. You could contact the hospital where the angel was born and ask the grief counselor there if they have a loss support group specific to losing a baby...

[Teresa Howell]

Thank You All!

I just wanted to make sure everything I was doing was ethical and I wasn't crossing any boundaries.

You guys gotta stop all these messages that makes this liquid stuff come out of my eye sockets!!!

Just kidding.....I love the support I am getting. See what this family doesn't understand is I had my own struggles preparing their dvd. Without so much help for this forum, well, they would have received their treasure. So when I called out for help, I got it!! This young mom is calling out for help but in a different way and a more serious nature.

Somehow, I wish I could record her voice message she left thanking me to play it back because I know everyone that listens to this message is going to break down and cry.

And, Jenn H-F, your work is beautiful! I would love for us to work together on a session(s) and if the Lord has his will that will happen!

I think I need to take my Adderall today LOL I have alot of researching and need to focus and not ramble LOL

[Lindzy Foster]

Teresa I thank God everyday for people like you and the other photographers who generously devote their time and emotions to those of us suffering a loss....thank you!
As for the mother i too wish she had access to the forum but in the meantime i recommend contacting the hospital about support groups...i did google compassionate friends and there is one in your area, my husband and i go to their meetings and while its centered on the loss of a child and not infant loss it helped us trememdously and we have met many dear friends there.

[Marcus Momma]

I will be praying for this family!

[Teresa Howell]

I have to share this bit of info I learned while having a conversation with the grandmother this morning.

I was misinformed on the birth details. Orginally, I was told that the baby was alive during the birth and when the umbilical cord was cut he died. Well, that is probably true but I have detals now that are making the hair on my back stand.

The baby ingested muconium. His lungs were full, he had aspirated. He was alive while he was in the birth canal. The grandmom said he had a heart rate until he was delivered and if he had one then it was very faint. Immediately the drs started o2. Then infant cpr started. They worked 38 minutes. Then she noticed they stopped. She heard A's mom screaming this horrible scream and asking them not to stop. Grandmom said she literally pushed through the drs and started infant cpr on A. She said she could hear A's mom telling her to keep doing cpr and make him breath. Grandmom did cpr for several minutes then A's mom asked her to bring the baby to her. A's mom tried to do cpr on the baby too. A's mom had an eipdural and could only move her arms but Grandmom sad she tried so hard to bring her baby back. Grandmom knew A was already gone before cpr started but she had to try and do it herself to know that there was nothing else anyone could do and that is was all over for A.

Just imagine what this 22 yr old. first time mom went through.

Now it is more evident to me that I have to do something.

I told grandmom about the services that I have found so far and that the calls are being redirected to the grandmom and she will get all the info and contact numbers to A's mom.

Grandmom told me that A's mom stayed up til 4am this morning watching the dvd and smiling. She had happy cries too. Every pose that I thought was so so and just didn't do what I wanted well A's mom thought they were the greatest. I guess "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

I am overwhelmed at this point. Mixed emotions. I am happy that I made someone else happy but so very sad that this same person is suffering heartache.

Today has been harder for me than the actual day of the session. Talking about delayed reactions.....I have it. I am very sad today. Maybe I suppressed my emotions until my job was complete and maybe now is the time I am to cry for this family.

I am overwhelmed :( Is this normal for me to have a delayed emotional reaction 5 weeks after the session?

[Teresa Howell]

I will be away for a bit. I have to go pray. I don't think this will be a fast prayer.

[Marcus Momma]

Wow this is awful what this mother and grandmother had to go through. I almost lost my first born to sucking in melaconin thank God I delivered early before it got real bad. My daughter was in nicu for quite awhile and wasn't supposed to live not one doc said she would live. I gotta miracle and I am so glad I didn't have to be in the situation this mother was in. Your a very dedicated person to help this family. They are lucky to have met you.

[Candy S]

A support group did me a world of good. In fact, it's probably what pulled me through. I found a "loss of child" support group run by a non-profit. Although, most of our stories were completely different, being with people that understood my loss was incredibly helpful.

There are several national orgs out there. I would start with SHARE, then try HAND, MEND....if I think of more, I'll let you know.

Hugs for all you've done for this family!!
Candy

[Teresa Howell]

I am so grateful to each of you for giving me this info and the support to keep on going to make sure this young mother gets the help she is entitled to :)

[Teresa Howell]

Great news!!! The grandmother called me today. She said the mom has made such progress. She told me that before I gave the dvd to them that the mom would call her several times a day and breakdown. Grandmom said for 3 days now that the mom has not called her with a breakdown. The mom told her she can be with her baby anytime she wants now. I think the dvd has been very healing with her. My personal feelings is that the mom can't remember the photo session. I was told she was medicated (which is no surprise). I think she had doubts if she really got to hold her baby and snuggle with him. She has her proof. The angel wings I gave her she is having them preserved and framed. I think some healing has started. She is now in a support group. We found one that gives one on one private counsel. I know there will be many rough days ahead but I think the mom has made a baby step towards some healing.

Again, thanks to everyone that has guided me in this entire process of creating the dvd and finding help for this family.

Prayers have been answered!

[Madge]

I am relieved to hear the mom is getting some personal support through her grief. She had a tragic experience.

NILMDTS is such a Godsend. This young mother is proof that photos have a healing power to them.

[motherofthree]

We all know how terrible and traumatic just losing a baby can be, but I know many of us are lucky to have experienced our babies passing in a peaceful, or at least relatively non-traumatic way...I cannot begin to imagine the added pain of such an experience as this mother had - the frantic terror...I get chills, and not the good kind, even thinking about it...my heart and prayers go out to this family, that God and her angel may bring her some peace...

[Teresa Howell]

I talked to Angel A's mom today. She was in such a better state of mind and seemed so much more stronger. She has alot of anger towards the hospital right now and that is understandable. We talked about how the anger can go two ways positive or negative. She is trying to remain positive. She knows the process is a lifetime process for healing. But she just seemed so much stronger. She had therapy from a church counseler. She is taking baby steps and knows there's going to be some days better than others. She knows she has shoulders to lean on as well. So thank God and the power of prayer. I know this road is long and winding but I think she has a ray of sunlight over her head today. Thanks for the prayers. Continue to remember this young mom.