Gender of your next baby after a loss???

[Candice]

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant and I lost my precious daughter on May 5, 2008. I am really torn about whether or not I want to find out the sex of this baby. I think I will have a really hard time if I find out this baby is a boy. I am such a girly girl and I was sooooooooo excited to have a daughter! Even when I was pregnant last time I was terrified at the thought of having a boy! I think it will also be hard to find out if this baby is a girl because even though I desperatley want another daughter I will never have my Alexis. My theory is that if I wait to find out the sex until the baby is actually in my arms it won't matter because I will just be filled with so much joy. I just don't know if I could make it all the way without knowing! Has anyone else fealt this way???

[Marcus Momma]

I want to find out what I am having but I know where you are coming from because I want a little girl this time because I want Marcus to be my youngest baby boy forever so I can always remember him as being my baby boy. I should be finding out at the end of this month what I am having I am 13 1/2 weeks. They do the gender earlier now than they did. But I would be happy with whatever God gives me and trust he would not put me in this pain again. I am nosey though I have to know Alot of it because you can't get in my garage because all of marcus clother and my other sons clothes and daughters clothes are in boxs waiting to know where they go next my hubby getting a lil upset about everything being in their waiting. Good luck in your decision.

[Shelly]

Hi-
I think it's all very personal (and very interesting) why we want/need a certain gender in a subsequent pregnancy.

I lost identical girls and with my subsequent pregnancy did not find out, but hoped for two babies of the same gender. They were boys.

My third pregnancy was twins again. I sort of wanted to find out, but my OB with whom I'd been all along discouraged me.....very gently. I didn't find out. When the babies were born, they were two girls and I figured out that my doctor knew all along and wanted me to enjoy my pregnancy and not freak out (and I might have).

With my fourth prgnancy--finally one baby--I wanted to find out, but was afraid I'd slip and ruin the surprise for my husband. I had the u/s tech write it on a scrap of paper and stashed it in my wallet. I had the power, but didn't need to use it. The little paper is still in my wallet 2 1/2 years later.

I think we all cry a little tear when our "subsequents" are born...for all kinds of reasons.

I wish you the best in your decision to find out (or not). And, yes, you will be overjoyed to hold that baby in your arms!!!

[Jayme]

I really want to find out. Partly because I loved the bonding that I had with Justin, knowing he was my son, and partly so that I can adjust and prepare before this one is born. We didn't want to find out with Justin but did on accident when he quite clearly presented himself on the ultrasound. It ended up being a wonderful thing to know.
I am also torn between what I want the gender of this baby to be. Part of me really wants another boy because I have always wanted boys and was SOOO excited that Justin was a boy. The other part of me wants to have a girl next so that no one thinks this baby is in any way replacing Justin. I would eventually like to have another boy though. But I can't wait to find out what this little one is.

[JenniferBrown]

For me, I had both genders for losses.... I prayed and well Begged God for a daughter! I never had any female cousin's (each kid in our family was a boy accept for me) and so I prayed and prayed for a girl. Oh boy am I soooo rethinking this girl thing.. lol (wink). I got what I begged God for and she's a stinker!
On the other hand, when I was pregnant with my first son, I just loved having a girl and so we were told he was a girl and of course were happy. Then they said they made a mistake (3 weeks later) and I sort of thought I was upset by the whole "darn there are so many boys already in our family" kind of attitude (it's ok, I've asked for forgiveness for that attitude).... I LOVE my boys! They are so lovey and cuddly and they don't have the female hormones that my daughter does! hehe

So, in short, I prayed for a healthy baby (after my losses) and then said "Well God, if you are taking any requests, could you color this one pink for me please? I won't ask for a pink bundle again, I promise!"

You have to do it whatever way you can handle best. Waiting to find out may be for you. I'm the kind of girl that likes to slit the tape on the Christmas presents before hand so I can peek at what I'm getting though. ROFL! ;)
You'll make the right choice for you when the time comes.

[caschmom]

I lost my little boy in November and am currently 12 wks pregnant and can't wait to find out what I'm having. I really want a little girl (I do have a girl and boy already). I feel like Shawna, I want my son Casch to be my last little boy. I want this pregnancy to be "different" then my pregnancy with Casch. I also can't imagine how hard it will be to get all the "boy stuff" out again remembering that Casch was meant to wear/use it. I do feel guilty, however, because I should just be happy with a healthy baby regardless of sex but I can't help want a little girl.

[motherofthree]

With Kavya, we decided not to find out - until we found out we were going to lose her at 25 1/2 weeks. Then it became the most important thing in the world to know - so we could bond with our baby while it was still with us. But due to the complete lack of amniotic fluid, the scans were unable to determine her sex.

Now, with this baby, it is suddenly important that I know - just in case. In my mind, it helps me to bond - but as Shelly mentioned - we all have our reasons for knowing or not...

[Jayme]

Beth,

I totally agree with the bonding thing. Not that I can't bond with my baby but it just seems to make it so much easier to bond the more I know. I can't wait to find out what this one is!

[Brooke]

For me Emma was my third pregnancy and my first loss. I had two boys already at home. SO when I found out I was pregnant again three short months after loosing Emma, of course I prayed for a healthy little girl to come this time. Even though I really really wanted a girl, I was afraid if I did have a girl people would think that I had forgotten about Emma and moved on and would be replacing her. Well, I didn't have to worry about any of those thoughts because I had Caden, my third little boy. Now, we're done with adding to our family and I still wish I had a little girl, but our family is complete and I'll just have to wait until heaven to have her again.

You will know what is right for you to do. I've done it all different ways with my kids. There is no right or wrong decision. Do what is in your heart. Good luck. And your right it won't matter the gender in the end. You'll be so excited to just be holding a precious baby in your arms!!!

Love,

Brooke-Mommy to Carter, Ethan, Caden, &

[Marcus Momma]

Being able to think of names is what pleasures me of knowing too. Being able to go and look at pink things or blue things. I love shopping for my babies right after I find out what I am having. Being able to dream about holding a lil girl or lil boy. I love to think of the future and imagine having 2 girls and 2 boys or 1 girl and 3 boys. My daughter wants a sissy and a bubby but we r only having one unless one is hiding.

[Lyssa Sauer]

Candice you will know when it comes down to it pray hon pray. My first two children I didnt find out by US what they were I just knew that trystan was a boy and nataley was a girl. When Payton came along unexpectly I decided I wanted to kno, for some reason I couldnt tell with Payton. I have very strong intuition I have come to conclusion because I remember with Payton all I knew was I felt like something was wrong and I that was more important to me. Although doctors wouldnt listen to me after hundred of times telling them that something didnt feel right. I was glad to know I was having a boy however just like Jen said love my daughter dont get me wrong but I couldnt handle another girl. After getting pregnant with Ely only 4 months after losing payton I figured he was a boy but decided at the ultrasound I wanted to know. Kinda for the reason all of you have mentioned if I am having another boy will Payton be over looked by others??? I will tell you this Ely has not outshined his brother in any way ppl still remember that we have 3 boys and 1girl so you will know what you want to do just give yourself time hon. BTW Congradulations!