Shopping for things before baby comes

[motherofthree]

Actually, Shawnna gave me this thought in her thread about finding out the sex of the baby - she mentioned that if you know, you can shop for specific baby things.

But I don't know how much I'll actually be able to purchase beforehand...I had bought things for Kavya already at 25 1/2 weeks when I found out we would lose her - a baby bathtub, and a crib that we were scheduled to pay off and pick up that weeks...it was horrible to have to call and cancel the layaway - it was a new crib from a consignment shop chain and they were very gracious - even refunded the money with no fine. But it was horrible - I sobbed through the whole conversation (that poor store manager). Oh, man, and I remember having to cancel our baby registry - the clerk wanted to know WHY? was there a problem? And I had to tell her te problem was that my baby was going to die...I can't imagine going through that again.

But now I see baby clothes, and other things and I want to pick something up, even this early. But I'm way too scared. Maybe I'll come around as time passes, but how do you all feel about this? I don't want to have something happen and then deal with getting rid of stuff...How are you all going to deal with the idea of baby purchases?

[Jayme]

Beth,

Because Justin was our first, we had nothing as far as baby stuff. The only things I bought for him were 2 little outfits that I bought as part of the way I told my husband we were pregnant. I had other things that were given to us but not a lot. I didn't register and hadn't really even thought a whole lot about what we wanted. Part of this was because I knew we were getting a lot of baby stuff from my brother and sister in law and the other part I have no idea why.
With this one, I feel like registering today (and I'm only 6 weeks). I have actually picked up a few things and went to garage sales today and picked up some more. Every now and then I get a pang of nervousness, but mostly I have just enjoyed it. I guess I want to do things for this baby that I never got to do for Justin. I also think that if we lose this baby, I'm not sure if having stuff is going to make it any worse. So I guess it is still a struggle but for now I am enjoying myself and trying to be an excited expectant mother. That in itself can be a challenge because most people seeing my age and that I am buying newborn items assume that this will be my first baby. Even when people don't ask, I sometimes want to wear a sign that says, this is my second, my first is in heaven- that's why I need all of the newborn stuff. And sometimes I think I am just crazy.
I am thinking about getting a little sister or little brother (once we find out the sex) outfit for this little one to wear home from the hospital. That way we can celebrate both of our children.
Sorry for rambling...

[motherofthree]

I think it is wonderful how you are able to enjoy - I wish I could let go just a little bit more.... I think a "little brother" or "little sister" shirt would be lovely - my older daughter takes great pride in wearing her "big sister" shirt - and it makes me feel good to see it on her. Maybe I should try to go and just pick up one little thing - and see how it makes me feel...

[Vicki]

Beth . . .

I say . . . GO SHOPPING!!!! At least just walk throught the baby department and see how you feel.
You have every right to be a bit ambivilent (to say the least) but you also have every right to be as excited about buying this baby all kinds of goodies just as you did for Kavya . . .
So stick that big toe in the water and take a stroll through a baby store. If it is too hard now thatn you'll know and you can plan things later . . .
I wish I lived closer to you . . . I'd go with you . . . I AM A PROFESSIONAL SHOPPER!!!! Much to my husband's dismay LOL!!!! But I'll go with you in spirit!

Vicki

[KEA's Mom]

Oh Beth, I hope you shop. I have a question and I don't know the answer to it--do you think having to return/cancel purchases makes someone any sadder if they were going to have to walk this road again? I didn't have to return anything, although I know many people did as my shower was only 4 days later, but I wish I had. I wish I had somethings in my home to show that I was preparing and awaiting the birth of my daughter. Instead I was caught up with the craziness of life and hadn't made the time. I want you to enjoy this baby and preparing for him or her. But, in the end, you should do what you're comfortable with.

[Lindzy Foster]

Beth,
Everything your feeling is normal for this new pregnancy....i remember having these irrational thoughts as soon as we found out that we were pregnant that i should run out and buy every baby item in sight......my theory was (in my own still grief stricken head) that if i bought everything right away that this baby would be healthy and nothing bad would happen again......crazy yes but it was my thoughts running wild with missing my angel confused with the guilt of being happy over the pregnancy....i held myself back but ended up buying one boy outfit and one girl outfit before our 20 wk u/s...after that u/s where they told us she was healthy i was hesitant because it felt too good to be true and kept getting this feeling that someone was going to pull the rug out from under us........i had to keep telling myself I AM GOING TO HAVE A HEALTHY BABY TO BRING HOME over and over...it took awhile but after that i started enjoying shopping...and you should see Syenna's clothing selection that i have to show for that lol.......
you do what you feel is right and what feels comfortable, you will know when your ready!

[Marcus Momma]

I believe shopping is gonna help me move forward and to let myself believe everything will be fine this time i am determined this baby is coming home with me healthy. And i will shop til I drop. Of course I will wait to find out what I am having. I want it to be a happy time being excited about buying baby clothes and things again just for this baby. I will probably even have someone take pics of me shopping for things and holding them up so I can show this baby how excited I was to have him or her and to be shopping for her or him. Dont get me wrong it will be hard but I think its good for me.

[Jayme]

Beth,
i remember having these irrational thoughts as soon as we found out that we were pregnant that i should run out and buy every baby item in sight......my theory was (in my own still grief stricken head) that if i bought everything right away that this baby would be healthy and nothing bad would happen again.

I totally had the same feelings. I have had to exercise restraint to keep from buying the entire nursery 6 weeks into pregnancy!

[Jayme]

I wish I had somethings in my home to show that I was preparing and awaiting the birth of my daughter.

I felt the same way after Justin was born. I had some gifts that others had purchased for me but only a few things that we had purchased just for him. I had 3 outfits and the quilt I made him. We wanted to keep the quilt so we had to go and buy blankets for his casket and burial after has was already dead. That was hard. Not only were we shopping for a baby we would never see again but we would have to bury him in a blanket that wasn't as much his as I felt it would have been if we had bought it while we were expecting him. If that makes any sense.

After the service, we had little in our house to remind us that we had been preparing for a baby. I know that it must be hard to come home and have an empty nursery. I found it was also hard that our house didn't show any evidence of expecting a baby. It was too easy for our lives to look like Justin never existed. So I decided with this one, there will be no question that there is a baby coming to our house. Of course these are all personal decisions and each person is different. This is just where I am at.

[KEA's Mom]

Jayme,
That was exactly the way I felt. I came home with without Amanda to home with nothing for her. Rationally, I can explain to myself that Christmas had just passed and it was our busiest time at work, and that my shower was 4 days away. But I let guilt take over and that's one of the many things I feel badly about.

[Marcus Momma]

I still have a half painted room that i started in my sons room because that was were marcus would sleep also. I painted half of it before he was born and then after he died I still have yet to finish it. But I did have everything ready besides the walls. And It hurt seeing it there with no baby in it.

[Jayme]

I think that it hurts either way. Both a home filled with baby things and a home void of them both serve as reminders that our children never came home. I can't wait to share in the joy, Lord willing, that we will all have in the spring when our homes are filled with baby things and new babies!

[motherofthree]

I never thought of it from the other perspective - that of having nothing. I didn't imagine it could be just as painful, but it seems that it can. And I'm so good at making myself feel guilty about things - I would heap the guilt on if something happened and I hadn't "bothered". Thanks for giving me the view from the other side. Maybe I'll go out and buy a couple of unisex toys or outfits and see how I feel.

[Kerry]

I am glad everyone gave you some good pointers. After finding out I was going to have twins and never knew anything bad could happen I and everyone else bought for two girls. Even my best friend bought my older girl a couple of months in advanced a t-shirt saying big sister of twin girls. That was the hardest thing to see when my baby Mallory died I felt like I let my oldest girl Olivia down but she was proud to wear it and glad she recognized the other twin. Trust me had lots of things to take back and sell on ebay so I didn't have to deal with people in person. Snow suits I had friends that asked if they could give the other set to mom's in need at shelters and felt honored to help others and not feel selfish. I wish some things like strollers and bigger items I would of waited tell they come home but you get so excited and want everything perfect you just can't stop shopping. When my son Lane came along I made sure to buy boy stuff and kept thinking clearly that nothing will happen. It was a way for Olivia and Sarah to take part and remember things they bought before he was born. Good Memories! Do what is and what feels right, I don't know many woman that don't like to shop. When your ready we will be waiting to see pictures of what you bought! It is hard not to buy an outfit for either a boy or girl, I love baby clothes!

Kerry
Mother of Olivia,Sarah,Lane and Heavenly Angel Mallory

[AngelJazzysMom]

In the beginning of this pregnancy I found myself asking myself if a total dismise happens if we will still be able to use the stuff I have bought for the baby already. Now being almost 27 weeks I am starting to panick that I don't have anything for when this baby comes home. I think the knowing too much is tying in with the expecting the worse but hoping for the best part of my conscious.

[Lacey Canaday]

I have never been a person that thinks in terms of bad luck,,but this time around,, i can not buy anything. With both of my pregnancys i have bought an outfit when i found out i was pregnant. This time around, I just cant. I do not know if i will even be able to buy pregnancy clothes again. I have this thought that if i start to get things,,,then something will happen. When i find out the sex,,i am still contiplating that if it is a girl to use Sophia's cirb set that i got for her.

[Marcus Momma]

I have already went and put all my boy stuff back in the garage and the basinett is going out there soon. I can't take looking at it right now. Its still not real to me yet. I am going to wait until after marcus anniveresary to look through anything.

[motherofthree]

Well, I just went out and let myself buy new maternity shorts. I was trying to make dues with the couple of things I had left from previous pregnancies, but decided to just do it. It was actually fun! I haven't ventured so far as to buy anything for the baby just yet, but I've been looking at things...

[Marcus Momma]

My mom actually bought me some maternity pants and tops because i tend to wear my hubbies shirts cause they are big and comfy. I have bought one shirt. Its kinda a flip flop thing one day I wanna go buy everything and then the next I don't want to jinx myself. Everything is going perfect so far thankfully but we all know how quick that can slip away.

[Lacey Canaday]

i gave all my maternity clothes to a Scott's sister. I belive that she gave them to someone else. So I guess since i showed early with Sophia, i will have to suck it up and go buy some new ones in a few weeks. With Sophia i was about 12 weeks when i was showing, and unable to fit into my pants.

[Candice]

I am 16 weeks and my pants are starting to get pretty uncomfortable so this friday I am going to give in and go buy a few new maternity items and today I am going to unpack my old things(Im not sure I will be able to wear them!). As far as baby items I feel very selfish about it. Last time around my mother in law bought our daughter's bedding and room decorations. She has requested to do the same thing this time but I do not want to her too. I want my husband and I to go pick it out and purchase it and set it up all by ourselves. For some reason i do not want to share anything! I have not even shown anyone my sonograms yet.

[motherofthree]

Okay, well I did it. We were out shopping for autumn/winter clothes for Priya and I bought something for the baby yesterday. Just a daiper bag, but it was a big, huge step for me! As we were checking out, I had some feelings that I'd just done something terrible - like I was asking for trouble by purchasing something, but I went ahead and did it. So now I have this nice daiper bag sitting in my house. I've made myself worry a little more for now, but it does feel so good to have this, too. Trying not to let my fears carry me.

[mise]

Hi.Im 33wks and have nothing bought for this baby.I just cant bring myself to buy anything.All I had for Joseph was the travel system and I can understand what alot of ye have said bout comin home and not having a nursery ready for him.Havin said that I still am terrified to do anything for this baby although all signs are good ,kicking away and all scans are positive. Ive tried but have had to leave shops so my husband and I have decided that we will borrow the crib and have that in the house but buy everything else after we bring baby home.

[motherofthree]

I know it's scary to even think about...do it on your own time - it took alot of looking and trying before I could even pick something up. Actually, my husband is much more uncomfortable that I am; when I picked up the daiper bag, he was pretty nervous. Don't force yourself. If you need to, just buy a couple of onesies and outfits right before you head to the hospital!

[Vicki]

“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.”
Thucydides


I just want you all to know that I absolutely love how ya'll have faced the biggest giant and still come out fighting . . . I've been reading this thread and wondering of I could ever possess the courage that ya'll have . . .
My prayers to everyone of you as you move ahead thru your pregnancies . . .

Vicki

[Marcus Momma]

I am going to wait until after Marcus' first birthday before I buy anything for the baby. I feel thats a safer time to start getting really excited. And then I will only have 2 months left.

[JenniferBrown]

After my losses, I figured I'd be the cautious one and wait until I had my 20 week ultrasound and know that everything was ok before I bought anything..... NOT!
We lived in Hawaii at the time and my Mom came out when I was 15 weeks and she bought the whole nursery set! I loved it but waited to buy anything else for the baby until after my 20 week ultrasound.
I was still nervous looking at the crib, changing table and dresser in my bedroom the whole time I was pregnant with her. Once the scan showed she was ok, I completely threw the nerves out the window and went hogwild buying everything I thought I needed (and then some). She's now 9. :)

[motherofthree]

How wonderful. I hope I can throw caution to the wind like that and buy, buy, buy - after our ultrasound. For now, I'm happy with the daiper bag!

[KEA's Mom]

Beth, I'm so glad you bought your diaper bag. It was a big step!!
Whatever makes all of you the most comfortable and doesn't freak you out. Take care,

[JenniferBrown]

I agree with Kristen. I'm so thrilled that you took the first step and bought a diaper bag. :) That's one of the fun things to pick out.

When is your 20 week scan scheduled for?