Heard baby #2's heart beat today...

[Candice]

So we heard our precious baby's heart beat for the first time today, I am 10w2d. I was a little nervous about it but I did not think I was going to fall apart the way that I did. My midwife put the doppler on my belly and we faintly heard the tiny heart beating. It took a minute to set in but once it did my eyes feeled with tears. It was a reality that everytime I go into that office I have to worry about whether or not I will hear this sound again. Did anyone else have a similar experience??? I miss the innocence of pregnancy I knew before. Now it is such a scary process, my mind is filled with what ifs.

[Andi]

I had my first appointment today too! I am 9 weeks. My Dr. doesn't do the doppler this early, but when she scanned the ultrasound wand in the area and I saw the little baby, I started to panic. I thought, please let there be a heartbeat!!! I was sure that I would have a complete and utter full nervous breakdown on the table it there wasn't a heartbeat.

We had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks with our first pregnancy. We went in for the 2nd visit and they couldn't see a heartbeat on the ultrasound. I had to be rushed in for a D&C. Our second pregancy resulted in beautiful Thomas Lee who was born without renal arteries. I don't know where I found the strength to get out of bed after Thomas moved on, but I felt hope. I don't know that I could find that again. I am trying to ignore the very intense feelings of fear that I can only imagine will get worse. I keep reminding myself of the statistics

...less than 3% chance of miscarrying after eight weeks if you have miscarried before.
...less than 1% chance of having another baby with Potter's Sequence when it isn't genetic.

I remind myself that everything is moving along fine, all the dates are lining up...we conceived on my 35th birthday, the 12 week mark is on our 2nd wedding anniversay, the due date is my Granddad's birthday. It all will work out just fine. :-}

But I've got to tell you, I don't think that I will ever be relaxed and calm again. There will always be a screaming inside me that I can't ever stop.

Candice - I'm on the "what if" train with you for however long this journey takes us. :-) Take care.

Andi

http://tac.families.com/cb/230945.png (http://counters.families.com)

http://tac.families.com/ezb/1146036.png (http://tickers.families.com)

[Candice]

That is exactly how I feel and I also do not know if I could make it through another lost child. After how I reacted to hearing the heart beat I fear the day the baby starts moving! I feel like I am going to be on edge the whole time waiting for that next movement. I have a blood clotting mutation and while it is treatable there is no promise that my body won't fail me again. I think no matter what the outcome this may be my last pregnancy. I just do not know that I am strong enough to endure this fear.

[KEA's Mom]

You are!! You can do it. If I had been a cheerleader, I'd do one for you. You'll have moments of doubt and worry but hang on and try to enjoy that precious baby as much as you can and when you need some support, here we are!

[motherofthree]

Candice, congratulations!!! While we had seen our baby's heartbeat on uS scan previously, our first doppler was last week and I was terrified. Did it help that I had previously seen the heartbeat? Absolutely not. Then...they didn't find the heartbeat. I nearly panicked. My Doc told me no big deal - that at 12 weeks and because I'm overweight it isn't unusual and planned to give me a scan right away. Well, the US tech was busy so right away ended up being five minutes or so. I was completely frozen. I couldn't think.

When we went in for the scan, I saw the baby as soon as they put the thingey on my stomach. I saw him/her moving before I saw the heartbeat. It was wonderful. S/He was moving around so much I didn't need to see it to know everything was OK.

I thought as I lie waiting for her to ready my tummy and the machine, that I used to LOVE ultrasounds. I lived for them while I was pregnant. Now I absolutely dread them. I hate that I can't relax enough now to realy enjoy those things as much as wish I could!

[Jayme]

I too miss the innocence of pregnancy. That's why I find you all so helpful and thank God for you. You understand that while most count pregnancies by months and weeks, we live by days and hours. You understand how hearing or seeing the heartbeat, an event that was so joyous and reassuring is now somehow not. I used to look forward to each OB visit, and while I still do, there is now a sense of almost dread- that something will be wrong. I feel like I am reading into everything that my body does, or that my dr says and thinking that there must be something wrong. My OB is very sympathetic and made a great comment at my check up last week. She said, "I wish there was something that I could do or say to let you know it's going to be ok, but I know that the only thing that will work is when I hand you a healthy baby. But I still wish there was something that I could do to make this easier for you." What a wonderful woman. She has the compassion to want to make us feel better but also understands the reality that she really can't until we have that healthy baby in our arms.