Hi... I'm a parent who definitely wants to be involved

[CathyC.]

My name is Cathy, and I am a mom of 19 yr. old b/g twins. I had one early m/c before they were conceived. Then secondary infertility problems after they were born.

I'm here because 5 years ago this November, my sister's 3rd. child and only son (at the time) was born still due to a true-knot in his cord. He was full-term, and all 8 lbs. 4 oz. of him was gorgeous. He was perfect in every way, blonde and so beautiful.

I still think about him all of the time, and wish that during the time I spent with him in the hospital I would've taken PICTURES and HELD him more! Though the nurses there were kind, I just didn't know we could. My sister has a few photos of him that the nurses took. Oh to have a "do over" and have professional photos of him to treasure!!!

I do worry about how my sister has handled her grief. She didn't hold him much after his birth. She did grieve deeply of course, but she and I are very different. She seems to be doing well, and I know everyone grieves differently so I'm in no way critical of how she's handled it. Part of me just worries about her.

Nathan is STILL my nephew. I will always count him in with the others and miss knowing the little man he'd be today. I can't wait to see him again someday.

I am a novice photographer so I know I can't become involved with NILMDTS this way. But I've been prayerfully considering other ways I may be of help. I'm in my mid-40's, but I'm seriously considered going into training to be a grief/loss counselor. I'm just waiting for a solid direction. I guess I'll know it when I "feel" it. I may not be able to do anything now, but I'm hoping a door will open when the time is right.

My heart goes out to everyone who's suffered a loss.

[Tammy]

Cathy,
Thank you for sharing about your precious nephew Nathan. When these precious little ones return to heaven, it most certainly has an impact on the entire family. That little person is someones son, brother, grandson, great-grandson, and nephew. Babies are not supposed to pass away before us adults do. One thing I try to remember is there is a greater purpose. We may not know what that purpose is, but I must believe there is one. The thing is, these little ones have such an impact on us~ and we never want to let them go, they are not supposed to!

Your sister is so lucky to have you in her life. It is obvious you care a great deal about her. You are right in saying that every one of us deals with our grief differently. The general 'society' tries to mold us bereaved families to let our little ones go and move on because talking about the death of a baby is too painful. Perhaps this is what your sister believes; that if she talks about Nathan, it would cause too much pain for everyone so she keeps her thoughts about her angel son to herself. Healing begins with being able to talk openly and honestly about that pain in the heart. Having the courage to face that pain head-on is very difficult for some people. If she knows you would be her rock, maybe in time she will begin to open up and release her heartache.
Maybe what you can do is send her a card on Nathan's birthday, letting her know you have not forgotten along with a small gift basket for her. Another idea is giving a Christmas ornament with Nathan's name on it, or a child's angel figurine with his name engraved, even a candle to be lit on his birthday each year and on holidays. Just some ideas.

Again, thank you for sharing Nathan's story. He has a very wonderful aunt and his mom has a wonderful sister. Please visit us often~ we have awesome members here that can help answer your questions, give great advise and lean on for support. Maybe one day, your sister will join us as well, because all of us here truly understand~