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[macsquad33]

Today is the two week mark after losing my first born child and son, Murray. Yesterday was the two week mark from his birth. He was with us for 18 hours. Due to a c-section birth and his unstable state, I was unable to see him for the first 9 hours. Even then I didn't get to hold him due to the monitors and ventilator. I did get to hold him finally the next morning early as we knew the decision we had to make was coming near. He was diagnosed with PUV - posterior urethra valve blockage at our 20 week ultrasound. Then after surgery to correct the problem, the big blow came at 27 weeks and 3 days when we discovered there was no fluid. Due to ethical stuff, we waited until 34 weeks to deliver - we knew the outcome was looking grim, but started praying for a miracle. We had our whole church emailing people all over the world asking for prayers. I believed going into the hospital that morning of delivery that we would bring our son home. Due to no fluid, his little life was short - he didn't have the lung development that we had hoped and his kidneys were shot. One kidney was almost not even seen on x-rays and the other was full of cysts. I feel as though I am not getting any better as the days go by, only worse. I have great faith in our Lord and Savior (I'm a P.K.!) and have a great support system, but I still feel all alone. My husband is a rock and a God sent blessing to me, but we are grieving very differently. We had a wonderful photographer come in and take beautiful pictures of Murray that I so cherish and look at throughout the day. I watch the DVD once a day. I am so glad that I found this organization as I will need you each in the days, weeks, months and years to come. Thanks to all.

[katelyn]

I am so sorry to know that you lost your son and first born baby. I think you are doing pretty well for being able to reach out so soon to all of us here. I wasn't able to do so until 6 weeks after I had Katelyn. It's been 9 weeks today, and I continue to grieve for my baby. Some days are better than others, but with faith, I know I will make it. Unfortunately, we were not given a choice in our situations. Just hang in there and know we are all praying for you.

[tstracener]

I so sorry for your loss. I lost my son, Samuel, a month ago today to a similar problem. Samuel had a missing kidney and a kidney that didn't functioned very little. He lived for an hour and 28 minutes. I am so glad you have a strong support system and a wonderful husband and church family. Each day I struggle with losing my son, but I am so glad I can trust that God will help me. I know that because of Him, I will be able to see Samuel again. I also feel alone, but participating inthis forum lets me know that I am not alone and other people know and experiece th same feelings. Let me know if I can help in anyway, if only just to listen. I am praying for you and your family.

[marylouise]

McKenzie ,I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Be gentle with yourself, it's only been 2 weeks. I'm glad you found us, the parents on here will be able to comfort you.
Keeping you in my prayers and sending hugs

[motherofthree]

I am so very sorry to hear about Murray. I am glad you got to spend some time with him, but so sorry to hear that he cannot be in your arms still. You are in a supportive place on this forum.

Beth

[Marcus Momma]

I am so sorry. I know how it feels to do the c section and then not get to see or hold your baby for soo long. I didn't get to hold him until after he passed. Know I am praying for you.

[Valerie'sMomma]

I am sorry you have lost your sweet baby. I am glad you were able to get photos, DVD and time with him before her grew his wings. We are here when you need us. Please take care of your self.

[KEA's Mom]

I am so sorry that you've lost your son. I will pray for some comfort for you in the coming days.

[Krista]

I'm sorry for the loss of your son Murray. Your family is in my prayers.
(((HUGS)))

[momma to 2+ an angel]

I am so sorry for all of the losses mentioned on this site - Very much so. I must admit though, I am feeling so naive. I had no idea how common the lack of/issues with kidneys was - My son was also diagnosed with cystic kidneys and no amniotic fluid. I feel like this should be taught or spoken more of to mother's. Now that I am hearing so much about it happening - I understand that there is nothing that we mother's can do to prevent it but I wish I had of known how common it is. I feel so isolated having nothing like this ever happened in my family before... I would never wish this on anybody, ever. I thank everybody here for their bravery in putting their feet forward seeking assistance through this scary time. Thank you all for helping me, help myself.

[motherofthree]

I had no idea how common the lack of/issues with kidneys was

I know what you mean...I had never heard of such a thing until it happened to us. We hear about heart and all other kinds of problems but I never realized how essential the kidneys and kidney function was to gestational development. And now that I know, it seems like I hear about it all the time! People in my support group, this forum, my grandmother's doctor...

I wish we could all still be so naive about potential problems during development. That none of us had to deal with this pain!

[tstracener]

I know what you mean...I had never heard of such a thing until it happened to us. We hear about heart and all other kinds of problems but I never realized how essential the kidneys and kidney function was to gestational development. And now that I know, it seems like I hear about it all the time! People in my support group, this forum, my grandmother's doctor...

I wish we could all still be so naive about potential problems during development. That none of us had to deal with this pain!

For being an abnormality that appears 3% of the time, I hear alot about it. I kind of wish I was still naive about problems during development, then I wouldn't be fearful during my next pregnancy.

[macsquad33]

That is so very true....I would love to be naive in the future!! I guess that is why we have no choice but to leave it in our Loving Savior's hands. That is so hard to do, but what else can we do??!! I too felt like the kidney problems we were having with Murray were so very rare - like no one else has to deal with and boy have I learned differently lately! I also want to thank all who have been so very brave to tell their stories to each of us.....to know we are not alone!

[Marcus Momma]

I know I never knew that this many babies pass away you hear about the ones that were so young but you don't hear the other stories. I really didn't even know that anyone lost babies around where I live until it happened to me and it seems thats all you hear these days.

[JenniferBrown]

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had never heard of the 'no fluid' and whatnot until a year ago. I was blessed to meet a family that had that happen to them. Sad.... but I was so glad they were able to spend a beautiful half hour with her.

We welcome you with open arms. (((Hugs)))

[tanya723]

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your precious son, Murray. We welcome you, sadly ... but with open arms. Please share your pictures of Murray. We would love to see him if you would like to share.

You are in my prayers.

[macsquad33]

I would love for you to see my angel, but I am pretty computer dumb....I have tried to upload an image to go beside my user name and it keeps telling me that it is too big. I will keep working on it and when my husband comes home maybe he can help me.

[Vicki]

What kind of program do you use? You just need to re-size the photo and then it will attach . . .

[motherofthree]

If you try to resize, make sure you save it as a separate file first, or you ruin your original. I've done that - thankfully I have my NILMDTS CD and was able to salvage it!

[macsquad33]

Been working on formatting a picture to post beside my username all morning....still can't figure it out!! How do you resize a photo? I have saved it to my desktop, but now what?

[Kirk Kief]

Go to http://www.nowisleep.com/showpost.php?p=14186&postcount=4
What program do you use to edit photos on your computer?

[macsquad33]

I have been using Microsoft office picture manager. I changed the size to 100x100 - I don't have photoshop! I have tried to upload and still will not let me. What am I doing wrong?

[Kirk Kief]

Does this software allow you to see what resolution the picture is? It needs to be rreduced to 75DPI. And, you need to save it as a jpeg. The overall file size has to be smaller than 50K in size.

[macsquad33]

Ok - I can see it and it is small. The size is 6.40 KB and it is saved as a jpeg. I can't seem to find the overall size....

[macsquad33]

Ok - never mind - apparently I wasn't saving it correctly - but as you can now see I finally got my angel's picture to come up - YEAH!!!!! Thanks Kirk for your help!!

[motherofthree]

McKenzie - he is just precious. So glad you got this figured out!

[macsquad33]

Thanks! I am glad too! I am also so glad that I found this forum....what a blessing it has been to me to know that I am not going through this alone! Each of your stories has gotten me through another day - sometimes, all day long! THANKS TO ALL!!!!

[efswsjuly17]

It has been awhile since I have posted anything so I have had to catch up on some stories. McKenzie I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little one, he definately is an angel. Looks so peaceful laying there. I am a new grieving mother as well almost 4 months since my little Emma went to be with the Lord. If you would like to read my story it is in the My Story post. Anyways, we are all praying for you and do not hesitate to lean on us for support. I have definately benifited from being here everyone is always so loving and welcoming and totally understand where each and every one of us are feeling.

Brandy

Mommy to 3 Earthly angels and my Heavenely angel

[macsquad33]

Brandy - I have tried to find your story about your beautiful angel Emma and I can't seem to find it. I would love to read more if you can point me in the right direction. Thank you for your sweet words.

[efswsjuly17]

If you go to the search engine type in my angel in heaven Emma and it will take you to the thread. Your are so welcome for the sweet words, sometimes those are just what get you to the next day. If you need anything please let me know.

Brandy

[macsquad33]

Brandy - she is beautiful - I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for welcoming me!

[Laceys mama]

Welcome to this very special site. I lost my first baby on Sept. 5th She was beautiful. 8 lbs. 13 oz. She had a head full of black curly hair. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. This website has been great support for me. The people here know what you are going through and know the struggles we face everdday living without our sweet babies. It will be 2 months on Sept. 5th since we lost our Lacey. She was the greatest gift I have ever been given in my life. I am proud of her eveyday.
I am a different person now. I never knew how many people have to go through this and they have a special place in my heart. God bless you and Murray. If you need a shoulder, I am here.