Mike Buckley
11-19-2008, 06:22 PM
Today is the day I have been dreading for some time now. I'm not sure when this day became the 800 pound gorilla in my mind but I'll guess a month. My youngest son, Matthew, is 4 days shy of his 11 mo. birthday. This is the exact age, to the day, his brother Christopher passed away in his Mommy's arms right before my eyes.
Matthew is his Mommy's boy and I mean that in a beautiful way. He will only take his bottle from her. He will only nap or sleep on her tummy. He appears to be most content when he can nuzzle with her. It really is beautiful to see. Don't get me wrong, Matthew loves his Daddy, especially when it's playtime! We have a ball together. We'll play until he's exhausted but when he's done he's looking for his Mommy.
My oldest son, Thomas, is the opposite. He'll look for me to be comforted and held tight when he is scared of something. He is 4 so currently it's the Bogeyman in the dark! My wife and I recognize our boy's preferences and we'll even joke about it. Full disclosure: My wife does more for both of them, and I know it, but I'm very involved in both of their care.
Here is what happened today. The day I've been worried about. I think Christopher's spirit was present today. As I mentioned before, Matthew will only take naps with his Mommy and she usually rocks him in our recliner. He has "begrudgingly" taken a nap with me from time to time (out of sheer exhaustion) and once in a while, has taken a bottle from me in the same manner. Begrudingly, and he'll let me know it.
Today, as I sat in the recliner, he came over to me. He is in the cruising stage now and loves to make his way around any room he's in. I was thinking about his brother so I scooped him up for some hugs and kisses. We played for a little bit when I noticed he was rubbing his eyes. I didn't want him to leave just yet so I started to caress his back and neck. I was whispering in his ear that I loved him and giving him kisses. He started to settle down and then began caressing my face! He was falling asleep on my chest! It was the FIRST time he ever came to me to help him nap. He stayed there for 30 minutes. I couldn't help but think of how much I held Christopher in the same manner during the last 26 hours of his life. Coincidence? Maybe, but I don't think so. I think my little angel in heaven was reassuring his Dad that he was OK. It was perfect timing Christopher.
Matthew is his Mommy's boy and I mean that in a beautiful way. He will only take his bottle from her. He will only nap or sleep on her tummy. He appears to be most content when he can nuzzle with her. It really is beautiful to see. Don't get me wrong, Matthew loves his Daddy, especially when it's playtime! We have a ball together. We'll play until he's exhausted but when he's done he's looking for his Mommy.
My oldest son, Thomas, is the opposite. He'll look for me to be comforted and held tight when he is scared of something. He is 4 so currently it's the Bogeyman in the dark! My wife and I recognize our boy's preferences and we'll even joke about it. Full disclosure: My wife does more for both of them, and I know it, but I'm very involved in both of their care.
Here is what happened today. The day I've been worried about. I think Christopher's spirit was present today. As I mentioned before, Matthew will only take naps with his Mommy and she usually rocks him in our recliner. He has "begrudgingly" taken a nap with me from time to time (out of sheer exhaustion) and once in a while, has taken a bottle from me in the same manner. Begrudingly, and he'll let me know it.
Today, as I sat in the recliner, he came over to me. He is in the cruising stage now and loves to make his way around any room he's in. I was thinking about his brother so I scooped him up for some hugs and kisses. We played for a little bit when I noticed he was rubbing his eyes. I didn't want him to leave just yet so I started to caress his back and neck. I was whispering in his ear that I loved him and giving him kisses. He started to settle down and then began caressing my face! He was falling asleep on my chest! It was the FIRST time he ever came to me to help him nap. He stayed there for 30 minutes. I couldn't help but think of how much I held Christopher in the same manner during the last 26 hours of his life. Coincidence? Maybe, but I don't think so. I think my little angel in heaven was reassuring his Dad that he was OK. It was perfect timing Christopher.