An excerpt from my blog

[Jenny Hintze]

I wrote this a few days after suffering our third loss. We would loose one more precious little one after I wrote this. I don't mean to push my religious thoughts or suppositions on anyone here. This is just something that I wrote from my heart and still brings me comfort today. Maybe it will bring comfort to someone else too.

"TUESDAY, JUNE 14, 2005

Eternity and the existance in it isn't a concept I can really wrap my brain around. It makes me grin to think that my tiny babies who never knew life on this earth have an understanding of eternity and who we are in it that even the greatest Biblical scholars do not have. All the great truths and mysteries we long to understand but cannot are known by my babies. Will they be babies forever? I don't really think so. I believe they exist in a perfection I cannot even begin to understand as long as I live on this earth. When I die, will we meet? If we do meet, will they know me as Mommy? In my limited earthly brain I would love to believe that when I die and move on into eternity I will have all of forever to cuddle and rock my babies. But I really don't think our focus in Heaven is to reconnect with those that have gone before us. Our focus will be on praising and honoring our Creator in ways that we never could on earth. It would be selfish of me to wish my babies would forever be limited by being stuck in infancy. I don't know how things will be in Heaven...but they do.

My babies were not conceived to die. That is how it seems, even to me sometimes. They were created for the same purpose that we all were. To be God's kids, to be enveloped in the love of the Creator that gave them life. To be adored and doted over by the Master of everything. Through the last year and a half I have felt robbed, cheated, ripped off, and defeated. But these babies were never mine to hold onto in the first place. They were created out of love to love and be loved for all eternity. They have been given life...not death.

Some day I will understand things as they do. But until then I will trust that God is sovereign, He is on His throne, He has not forsaken me, and He desires and deserves my love."

[Dave Cisco]

I wrote this a few days after suffering our third loss. We would loose one more precious little one after I wrote this. I don't mean to push my religious thoughts or suppositions on anyone here. This is just something that I wrote from my heart and still brings me comfort today. Maybe it will bring comfort to someone else too.

"TUESDAY, JUNE 14, 2005

Eternity and the existance in it isn't a concept I can really wrap my brain around. It makes me grin to think that my tiny babies who never knew life on this earth have an understanding of eternity and who we are in it that even the greatest Biblical scholars do not have. All the great truths and mysteries we long to understand but cannot are known by my babies. Will they be babies forever? I don't really think so. I believe they exist in a perfection I cannot even begin to understand as long as I live on this earth. When I die, will we meet? If we do meet, will they know me as Mommy? In my limited earthly brain I would love to believe that when I die and move on into eternity I will have all of forever to cuddle and rock my babies. But I really don't think our focus in Heaven is to reconnect with those that have gone before us. Our focus will be on praising and honoring our Creator in ways that we never could on earth. It would be selfish of me to wish my babies would forever be limited by being stuck in infancy. I don't know how things will be in Heaven...but they do.

My babies were not conceived to die. That is how it seems, even to me sometimes. They were created for the same purpose that we all were. To be God's kids, to be enveloped in the love of the Creator that gave them life. To be adored and doted over by the Master of everything. Through the last year and a half I have felt robbed, cheated, ripped off, and defeated. But these babies were never mine to hold onto in the first place. They were created out of love to love and be loved for all eternity. They have been given life...not death.

Some day I will understand things as they do. But until then I will trust that God is sovereign, He is on His throne, He has not forsaken me, and He desires and deserves my love."

Have you ever listened/watched Crossing Over with John Edward? ...they are all there.:)

[jmkolb]

WOW. these words really brought me a great sense of comfort and strength. Knowing that they already have the gift of Heaven that we on earth are all waiting for and living for is something really special. I'm sorry to hear about your babies but your faith is extremely encouraging.

[linda]

Beatifully written - feel the same way. What a gift they have entered into and what a way for me to long for Heaven with my sweet baby in sight!! Praying for you and your journey - I'm so sorry the Lord has choosen you to suffer like this so many times. May you know HE loves you and longs for you too!

I just got done reading "In Faithfulness He Afflicted Me." By Lynnette Kraft great book as she describes and puts in her book all the scriptures that guide us into and out of affliction.

If you would like, PM me and I'll send you the other one I bought.

[motherofthree]

I think what you have written in beautiful. I also take comfort in the idea of my Kavya being still a baby, growing in heaven under God's watchful eye rather than mine, or that I'll get to hold her, still my baby, in heaven. But it's just an idea. In my heart and soul I believe as you...
they exist in a perfection I cannot even begin to understand as long as I live on this earth

As I've moved through my grief, I begin to take more comfort in the fact that she is whole and perfect, holds knowledge and peace that we can contemplate but never understand while here on earth. When she comes in my dreams, she seems to be the age she would be, but I think it's because it's more palatable to my limited mind...or perhaps it gives me joy to see as she would have been had she lived.

I do think we will reconnect and meet again in heaven someday - but at that time, I, too will be whole and perfect and deserving, full of that perfect peace and knowledge with which she has been blessed. We'll connect in a better, more beautiful way.

But for now, I'm of two minds...while understanding all of the above in my mind, my heart aches for the baby I should have - the one I needed to see grow up in my house and my arms...I am TWO mothers - both angry and selfish for my baby, and also the understanding mother who wants only what is best for her child, knowing there's a reason and a purpose and that she's better and more perfect than she could ever be here with me.

Will I always be split in two like this? Maybe...probably. I don't know. But I find comfort in both parts of myself.

Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts...it takes courage and strength to share something written for oneself.

Beth

[isaacnhannahsmama]

Ya know, when I sit & think. I mean really think. It just blows my mind what my Isaac & Hannah are experiencing. I remember at Hannah's funeral, standing in front of a room full of people just crying & thanking God. Thinking "she's perfect, she's perfect" When I think of the reality of this, not "my reality" but the truth of the situation. I have children who are in Gods perfect presence, who have never experienced sin, anger, condemnation, bitterness, insecurity. They experience pure perfect love. Love I can not imagine, nor am capable to give. My soul still aches for them. Daily. But the more I hand my heart & my hearts desires to God the more whole I become.