Sort of New

[rstracener]

This is my first time to write in a place like this...I'm not sure if it will help. My son Samuel passed away on September 23, 2008. He had Potter's Sequence, meaning that his kidneys weren't functioning and as a result his lungs didn't fully develop. It was mind blowing to hear about such a thing that you never new existed, and that this something was going to take away all normalcy in my life. The day he died I remember feeling destroyed. Not just sad and depressed, but as if life itself was just leveled. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I still have unannounced fits of overwhelming sadness...yesterday I was at work having to listen to mandatory agency policy when the thought of Samuel just blew me over. All of this is sort of new to me.

[Tammy]

Rick~ everything you said makes sense, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am so heartbroken to learn of your son Samuel, my heart goes out to you. Please know you have come to a safe place to share your grief. Hopefully our other Fathers will offer some support for you as well. All you can do is take one day at a time~ your grief is so new and raw. Know Samuel will live with in you forever, but I know that does not take away the sadness you feel. Please know we are here to offer our shoulders when you need them.

[motherofthree]

I've learned about Samuel from your wife. He's a beautiful boy. My daughter passed after her birth, as well. We had her with us for wonderful two hours before she went to heaven. She was beautiful, too (despite all of the docs warnings to the contrary). She had Potters - no kidneys or bladder.

I'm glad to see you on here. I wish my husband would do the same - I think he needs the support. I know he struggles with things, and isn't as active about expressing them as I am.

What you are experiencing is normal. You've suffered a terrible loss - one that you will feel the rest of your life. But it does ease over time. Take care of yourself, and let yourself feel your sadness - let yourself miss him. He was and is a very special boy.

Beth

[Christine Barrack]

Rick,
I am so sorry. I wish I could take away all the pain and need for all of us to meet in this way.
Since my daughter grew wings I am and will never be the same person. All of what I thought and knew or belived was destroyed that day. I questioned everything, even my faith and really hated God for a period of time. How could this happen? What did I do to deserve this? Why are friends and family not supporting me in my time of grief and just saying "time to get on with your life" after just a few weeks? Why am I here? So many questions, so many what if's, so very lost. The road of grief is a never ending journey. Along the way there are twists and turns and sometimes going what seems backwards. The path to healing will come. I don't like to say this but time will lead in you in a direction that is less painful. It won't take away the hurt or loss. Just the way we are able to live with that loss. We become different in our search for understanding and peace. I hope I have become a better person, more giving to others, show more compassion and patience and stronger in my faith. A greater appreciation for life and all the beauty each new day brings. I won't lie. Living each day without my child has challenges for me to overcome. Seeking to see those overlooked rays of sunlight, gentel breezes on a hot summer day or the simple smile from a stranger that passes by....I hope you see some of those today.
You may fall along your way and reach out for help. I know your wife is there for you. We are here for both of you as well. What you are feeling, this overwhelming sadness, is normal. A new normal for you right now. I will be keeping you in my thoughts that you find peace and healing. Know that you can call or email anytime.
Christine

[Austin's Momma]

I know what you mean...When I heard that my son had esophageal atresia, I said, "What?"

Finding out your child is not healthy is, well it's crazy and unbelievable and unfair and crushing and overwhelming. It is all of that and more!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son, Samuel. I hope you can find comfort here. ~Sarah